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Wicked Flame

Chicago Heat Series #2

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Ella Frank

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Copyright © 2022 by Ella Frank

www.ellafrank.com

Edited by Arran McNicol

Cover Design: Hang Le

Cover Photographer: Miguel Anxo

Cover Model: Joan Pastor

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

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Contents

Synopsis

1. Ryan

2. Jameson

3. Jameson

4. Ryan

5. Jameson

6. Ryan

7. Jameson

8. Jameson

9. Ryan

10. Jameson

11. Ryan

12. Ryan

13. Jameson

14. Ryan

15. Jameson

16. Ryan

17. Jameson

18. Ryan

19. Jameson

20. Ryan

21. Jameson

22. Jameson

23. Jameson

24. Ryan

25. Jameson

26. Ryan

27. Jameson

28. Jameson

29. Ryan

Epilogue

Thank you

Also by Ella Frank

About Ella Frank

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Synopsis

Jameson

Life is hard. I learned that at an early age growing up on the South Side of Chicago. I accepted it, even came to expect it. With a sister who was a constant source of worry, and a track record of losing anyone even remotely close to me, trouble seemed to follow me no matter where I turned.

Some people were born lucky. I was just born.

That’s what I used to believe, anyway, until GQ. The gorgeous guy in the fancy clothes who for some reason decided to look twice at me. He gave me a place to call my own, a space to feel safe, and he made me believe in the impossible—that love was more than just a four-letter word.

Ryan

Life is unexpected. I learned that just recently when I walked into a bar on the South Side and found the love of my life—Jameson Clarke.

He’s everything I’ve always wanted, and yet somehow even better than I imagined. He’s brave, brash, protective of those he loves, and under all that bravado is a vulnerability that calls to my very soul.

Jameson’s a storm cloud, but he thinks I’m the sun. If that’s true, then I’m determined to break through the shadows of his past and steal his heart the way he’s stolen mine.

Wicked Flame is book two in Ryan Carrigan & Jameson Clarke's story and should be read after Wicked Heat.

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Chapter 1

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Ryan

“RYAN… RYAN?”

THE sound of my name penetrated through the thin veil of sleep that had found me sometime in the early hours of Sunday. I cracked my eyes open and looked up into the leathery face that had become a familiar sight overnight. Jon—Jameson’s friend and the owner of the pub where we first met.

“Well, hey there, Suspenders. Was wondering when you’d finally surface.”

I moved to sit up and winced as my feet fell to the scuffed-up floor of his bar.

“How’s the body feeling after a night in that booth?”

I arched my back, feeling it crack in all the right, and wrong, places.

“It’s not so bad.” I stretched my neck from side to side, and as the joints popped and tried to realign themselves, Jon chuckled.

“You’re a terrible liar. But you get points for not bitching and moaning about it. You also get a coffee, if you’d like one.”

“Yes please.” After last night, I’d just about kill for a coffee this morning.

“Right, well, let me get that going while you try to unfold yourself from that seat.”

He was about to walk off when I scanned the empty space, searching out the only man I’d willingly sleep in a pub for. When I didn’t immediately spot him, I asked, “Jameson?”

Jon gestured to the back hall with a tilt of his head. “Still in with Amy, as far as I know. I figured he’d rather see your face first thing this morning over mine.”

Jon winked and headed off to the bar as my back pocket began to vibrate. When I pulled out my phone, I saw several missed calls and texts from Gabe and Alexander.

I’d sent them a quick message after Jameson and I left the charity dinner last night, letting them know we were okay, but that was it. I knew I needed to call them back with an update, and I would, but they would have to wait. I had someone else I needed to check in with first.

I scrubbed my hands over my face as I made my way to the bar and took the same stool I had the only other time I’d been here.

Jon glanced over his shoulder in my direction. “Gotta say, I wasn’t sure I’d ever see you sitting there again.” He picked up two mugs and brought them over. “For what it’s worth, I’m glad I was wrong. You’re good for him.”

My eyes widened, and Jon smirked.

“What? You don’t agree?”

“Uh, no—I mean, yes, I agree. I just didn’t expect you to.”

“Neither did I.” Jon rested against the counter and took a sip of his coffee. “But sometimes people surprise you. You stepped up last night. Was there for Jameson when he needed it.”

“Of course. I wasn’t about to leave him to deal with all of this on his own. I lo—” I caught my words before they tumbled off my tongue, realizing my feelings were much closer to the surface than I expected.

I’d gone through the full range of emotions last night: happiness to sadness, hope to desperation, and finally heartbreak, which had turned into something much, much stronger. But those emotions were too new to speak of right now, and until I had a chance to fully settle into them, I wanted to keep them to myself.

“Don’t get me wrong.” Jon aimed a crooked grin my way. “I didn’t think you’d split. But I figured Jameson would try to run you off.”

“Oh, he did.” I brought my mug to my lips and took a sip. “But I changed his mind.”

“Ah, see? You don’t back down for him. That’s what he needs in his life. Someone to make him start living his. Why don’t you go on back there and see if he’s awake? I’m sure he’s going to need this.”

“I think you might be right.” I slipped off the stool and picked up the second mug. “Thank you.”

“No need to thank me. You’re doing me a favor. I’m sending you in to wake the beast.”

I chuckled. “He’s not that bad in the mornings.”

“And that’s why you’re going in. The Jameson I know was a surly pain in the ass whenever I had to get him out the door for school or work.”

Jameson had mentioned crashing on Jon’s couch too many times to count. He’d also talked about sneaking into the grocery shop Jon’s family owned, where I was sure he spent more than a few nights.

It was such a foreign concept to me that a child or teenager would sleep anywhere other than in his own bedroom, under his parents’ roof. But I was quickly learning how naïve and sheltered I’d been as both a child and an adult.

You’re good for him… My stomach churned as Jon’s words ran through my head. The doubt from last night slipped in as I headed down the hall, remembering the pain and anguish I’d seen on Jameson’s face outside the Peninsula when he told me he felt like a traitor.

I’d done that to him. I’d put him in that position. The guilt over that still lingered this morning.

Last night had been eye-opening in so many ways. It had shown me just how shortsighted I was to life merely miles from my own front door. For that I felt shame and a responsibility to rectify my perspective, and I had a lot to make up for regarding my own ignorance.

I stopped at the back office where Jon and I had taken shifts checking in on Jameson and his sister. Jameson had been content with watching her and waking her every couple of hours, and had she gotten worse, I knew he would’ve taken her to the ER. We hadn’t heard a peep from him since our last switch-out, and I assumed that meant good things. At least, that was what I was hoping.

I took a moment to gather myself. The past twelve hours had been chaotic, one thing after another, and we’d all been running on adrenaline. In the light of the morning, I couldn’t help but wonder what the day would bring.

Would Amy need closer medical attention? Would she want to talk to someone and maybe report what happened? From everything Jameson had said, that would be a hard no. But I couldn’t imagine that sat well with him. There was no way someone as protective as Jameson—someone who rescued people for a living—wouldn’t want to know who had done this to his sister.

He’d let that go last night in favor of getting her off the street and somewhere safe. But if I knew Jameson, it was still weighing heavily on his mind.

I gently pushed open the door to the office, careful not to make a sound, and the sight that greeted me just about broke my heart. At some point in the night, Jameson must’ve moved from the chair to the floor, as that was where I found him now.

He was seated on the hardwood by the end of the old vinyl couch where Amy’s head was, and her hand lay under his on his shoulder where his cheek rested. His legs were stretched out and crossed in front of him, and I could see his dark lashes against his cheeks. He was sleeping, probably for the first time all night. I stood by the door and took in the picture the two of them made, and my heart ached.

How many nights had they slept like this in the past, each relying on the other to get them through safely? It was heartbreaking. But seeing the love there, the connection, despite what I knew was a difficult relationship, sparked a glimmer of hope that maybe they could find their way back to each other.

My eyes grew damp as I thought of the difficulties the two of them must’ve faced growing up, and the idea that they’d had to do it all on their own. But then I thought of the strength and courage that had taken, the will to survive and succeed, and I felt an immense sense of admiration and—for Jameson—love.

There it was. That raw emotion I’d been circling from the moment Jameson stepped outside last night and asked me to stay. I’d felt it coming with every day we’d spent together, but when he told me to go last night, told me we were over, I’d handed my heart over just so he knew he was loved.

I was head over heels in love with Jameson Clarke. He was difficult and grumpy, a storm cloud that did its best to throw off shade whenever he got scared. But when the sunshine snuck through, it warmed me in ways I didn’t realize I needed. Jameson excited me, and now I couldn’t imagine my life without him in it.

I leaned against the doorframe, prepared to stand there watching over him until he woke. But when my shoulder met the old wood, it creaked.

I cursed under my breath as Amy shifted on the couch. She rolled to her other side, and I sent up a quick prayer that I hadn’t woken her. I lowered my eyes to Jameson, hoping for the same outcome, but no such luck.

While Amy had slept through my unintentional wake-up call, Jameson’s dark eyes were now open and locked on mine. He was in his tuxedo pants, untucked dress shirt, and leather jacket, and his sleepy, disheveled state made my heart skip a couple of beats.

Then his lips slowly curved in a smile and the sunlight snuck through as he whispered, “Mornin’, GQ.”

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Chapter 2

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Jameson

MORNING…

I’D BEEN dreading it all night. But as I stared up into Ryan Carrigan’s gorgeous face, I knew I’d be able to deal with whatever life decided to throw my way today.

Last night had been rough, really fucking rough, a quick and painful introduction to my life for Ryan, and no one was more shocked than I was to see him still standing here this morning.

From the shitstorm at his charity event to tracking down my sister, Ryan had refused to leave my side. Instead, he’d spent the night in a pub and settled into a routine that my buddy Jon and I knew all too well—tending to my sister Amy.

If I hadn’t already realized what an idiot I’d been in trying to push Ryan away the night before, seeing him care for Amy, no questions asked, brought it home. I’d been so quick to accuse him of judging people from different backgrounds that I hadn’t even realized I was the one with the fucked-up point of view.

There’d been no pity in Ryan’s eyes as he helped me with Amy, just concern as he did whatever he could to help me get her resting comfortably. I’d never forget that, the kindness he’d shown a complete stranger—and not for the first time, either.

He was so selfless, such a good person deep down in his soul, and I had no idea how I would repay him for being here, even after I’d done my best to push him away.

“Mornin’, GQ.”

A small, almost shy, smile tugged at the corners of Ryan’s lips. “Good morning.” His voice was soft as his eyes shifted to where Amy lay behind me on the couch. “I didn’t mean to wake you. Jon and I thought you might like a cup of coffee?”

Ryan held up a mug, and while the coffee sounded like a good way to wake up, the man holding it seemed even better.

As I got to my feet, I groaned. “Jesus, either I’m getting older or that floor is getting harder.”

Ryan chuckled. “You’re not old. I felt the same way waking up in one of those booths out there.”

Finally on my feet, I walked over to Ryan. “Probably why people drown their sorrows before they pass out here. That way they don’t have to feel like this when they wake.”

“I’ll have to remember that.”

“I don’t think so. There’s no way I’m letting you spend another night here.” Before Ryan could protest, I reached for the mug. “Thanks for the coffee.” I took a sip and groaned as the caffeine hit. “I needed that.”

Ryan glanced back to Amy. “How is she this morning?”

I looked at the small figure my sister made curled up on the couch. “Less scared than she was last night, which is good. She was finally able to get some decent sleep in between my waking her and asking a bunch of questions.”

I turned back to see the worry in Ryan’s eyes. “The good news is she knows enough to be annoyed at who I am and where she is. So I think we’re doing okay, all things considered.”

Ryan shook his head. “Poor Amy. Who would do something like this? She’s so tiny, and to think someone hurt her this way…”

I’d been trying to wrap my head around that too. But I knew when it came to drugs or money owed, that this was often the way things ended—or much worse.

“If I think about that too long, I’ll go crazy. For now, I’m going to let her sleep a little longer, then work on getting her fed. She needs food to heal.”

I reached for Ryan and wound an arm around his waist then ran my eyes down his rumpled evening wear. “What about you?”

“Me?” Ryan scrunched his nose up and looked so damn cute that I couldn’t help but press a kiss by his temple.

“Yeah, you. How are you doing this morning? It was a long night, and not in the way you expected.”

Ryan placed a hand to my chest. “I’m fine, really. Just worried about you two.”

I gestured to the half-empty coffee cup in his hand and then indicated the door. “Why don’t we go and get you a refill and let Amy get a couple more minutes?”

“Are you sure? I’m good for now; we can—”

“I need a minute, GQ.” I shrugged. “I need to clear my mind and wash up before I go head to head with her.”

Ryan frowned as I gently nudged him out into the hall and shut the door halfway.

“She’s not gonna like waking up here and being asked what I’m going to ask her. I need to be running on all cylinders.”

Ryan nodded and hooked his arm through my elbow as we walked back down the hall.

“Listen, about last night—”

“I’m so sorry,” Ryan interrupted.

I stopped us in the hall. “You’re sorry?” I shook my head. “You’ve got nothing to be sorry about. You had no idea about Future’s Hope or what was going on in my head. That’s on me, not you.”

Ryan’s eyes grew a little shiny as he stared at me, and I was reminded of what a fool I’d been in trying to push him away.

“Thank you for staying with me last night.”

Ryan’s eyes widened as I took his face between my hands.

“Seeing you here this morning”—I leaned in to rest my forehead against his—“gives me the strength to do what I have to do next, and I need that.”

Ryan swallowed and shook his head. “You’re one of the strongest people I know, and you’ve gotten through far worse without me.”

“Maybe so. But there’s one thing I do need you for: compassion.” I straightened and released him. “I’m pretty sure I’ve done a shit job at showing that to anyone these days.”

“I don’t believe that. Not for a second.”

“That’s because you only see the good in people.”

“Only when there’s good to see.” Ryan placed his hand over my heart and smiled. “And there’s good in here. So much of it.”

I let out a sigh, wishing I could believe that, as I led us back toward the bar area. Jon was going through the bottles on the back shelf to see what needed refilling and what could last another night.

When we pulled out a couple of stools, Jon turned and aimed a knowing smile in Ryan’s direction. “What’d I tell you? Much nicer to you first thing in the morning, huh?”

Ryan grinned. “And what did I tell you? He’s not bad at all in the mornings.”

“Yeah.” Jon chuckled. “If the right person’s waking him up.”

I took a second to watch the two of them chatting as though they’d known each other for years. My past and present were finally in the same room, and for the life of me, I couldn’t find a good reason why I’d been so worried about it all.

Ryan possessed the ability to make friends with whoever crossed his path. Unlike myself; I’d pretty much been a loner my entire life. The less people you let in, the less chance you had of getting hurt.

Somewhere along the way, though, I’d forgotten that around Ryan.

“Hello? Earth to Jameson.” Jon clicked his fingers in front of me.

I blinked him into focus. “Huh? What did you say?”

“I just asked if you had a plan for what needs to happen next.”

That was all I’d thought about after we settled Amy in last night. What next?

Did she need a doctor?

Would she let me take her to a clinic?

Who did this to her?

Where was she staying?

These were questions I knew I needed to ask. But the odds of getting an answer were slim to fucking none. I’d been down this road with Amy before, and while I wanted to believe this time would be different, it was hard after so many setbacks.

“Yeah, I’m still working on that. Do you mind if I hang around here a bit longer this morning? Just until I work out my next move?”

“Course not. You know that.”

I did, but I wasn’t about to assume. Jon had a business to run, and I’d already kept him up all night.

“Okay.” I turned to Ryan. “Look, I don’t know how long I’m going to be here, so why don’t you head home and have a shower and get some rest? Then—”

“I’m not leaving.” Ryan’s brows made a fierce V as he eyed me intently. “Not without you. You’re just as tired as I am, and I can wait. I’m here to help. Just tell me what you need.”

You, I almost said, but I caught it just in time.

The last thing I needed right now was to spew my emotions all over the place in front of Jon. I glanced at him for some kind of support, but he just shrugged.

“Don’t look at me. The kid has a point. You’ve both been up all night and could do with some sleep, but I think…” Jon looked to Ryan and nodded. “I think he should stay with you. Help you out if you need it.”

I turned to Ryan. “Did you two plan that?”

“Plan what?” he asked.

“Your answer.”

Ryan’s eyes widened. “No. Never.”

I looked at Jon, who had a smug look on his face. He’d totally done that on purpose.

“Okay.” I turned back to Ryan. “You can stay. But you’re waiting out here while I deal with Amy. I don’t know how that’s going to go, and I think it’s better if I go in there alone.”

“Of course. Amy doesn’t know me. The last thing I want to do is push my way into her space and frighten her.”

“I’m not doing it for her. I’m doing it for you.”

“And I’m staying for you. Whatever you need, just tell me.”

I didn’t know what I’d done to deserve someone like Ryan in my life, but this was the second time in the space of hours he’d chosen to stay here with me. I was done telling him to go.

“You know, I’m going to have to come up with a better way to thank you than just saying it.”

That shy little smile he’d greeted me with this morning returned. “I’m sure I could think up something.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m going to hold you to that.”

“Okay, you two, save it for later.”

Jon smirked at the two of us—smug bastard.

“Don’t you have something to go deal with?” he said.

As much as I wanted to tell him to take a hike, he was right.

“Go.” Ryan took my hand and squeezed. “Amy needs you.”

I slipped off the stool but kept hold of his hand, reluctant to let the connection go. “I won’t be long.”

“I’ll be here.”

I nodded, and as I headed toward the washroom, I heard Jon call out, “I’ll be here too, if you care.”

I flipped him off but appreciated the moment of levity, knowing it was about to end.

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Chapter 3

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Jameson

I STUDIED THE reflection looking at me from the washroom mirror, and the guy standing there looked exhausted. That was no surprise. I’d barely slept a wink all night, and the little I did manage hadn’t been restful.

As a firefighter, that was the norm for me, but after coming off a twenty-four-hour shift and then dealing with all of this, my lack of shuteye was starting to catch up with me.

I cupped my hands under the tap, and the water was fucking freezing. But hey, if anything was going to wake me up, that would do it.

I gritted my teeth and splashed several handfuls over my weary face, then tore a paper towel off the rack and dried myself off. After tossing it in the trash, I braced my hands on the sink, then counted back from twenty as I tried to work out what I was going to say, and how.

This was where I could really use some of Ryan’s skills. He was so patient when it came to difficult situations. Hell, I should know. I’d gone out of my way to be a difficult situation for him, and instead of getting annoyed and frustrated, Ryan had made it his mission to win me over.

If I could tap into a fraction of that patience, that compassion he so easily showed others, maybe I’d actually have a shot of convincing Amy to open up to me.

God knew I hadn’t been too successful in the past.

I took a breath and then headed down the hall to Jon’s office. The door was still cracked, just as I had left it, and I could see Amy still curled up on the couch. Her hair was a matted mess on the vinyl, her clothes tattered and torn. I tried my hardest to steel myself against the worry and sadness that always filled me when I saw her like this, but it still found its way in.

I pushed open the door then pulled out the chair I’d spent half the night in and took a seat.

How many times had we ended up like this? How many nights had I sat by her side, hoping and praying that she’d live to see the next morning? Too many times to count, and here we were again… We’d made it to another morning.

I sighed and reached for her, knowing I needed to assess the damage in the light of day. As I made contact with her shoulder, she flinched and quickly turned over. Amy jackknifed up, scooted back into the couch, pulled her legs up into her chest, and winced.

“Hey, hey.” I held my hands up, soothing her like I would a wild animal. “It’s just me, Jameson.”

“J…Jay?”

“That’s right.” I shifted closer to the edge of my seat. “I came and picked you up last night, remember? I’ve been waking you, asking you questions?”

Amy smoothed a shaky hand over her tangled hair as her eyes adjusted to the light coming through the grimy window of Jon’s office.

“I… Yes.” She nodded. “I remember.”

“Good. That’s good.” I did a quick search of her face—well, what I could see of it under her hair—and that cut and bruise from last night looked even worse now.

The black and blue boldly highlighting her cheekbone was a horrific sight against the stark paleness of her skin. It was difficult to look at, and would be on anyone. But when I thought of the hard-hitting knuckles that had been used to split open her fragile features, I wanted to track down whoever did this and kill him.

Which led me to my first question, one I instinctively knew would lead nowhere, but I had to ask.

“Amy…who did this to you?”

“I…” Amy swallowed and licked her cracked lip. I immediately picked up the bottle of water by the couch and held it out to her. “Thanks.”

“You don’t have to thank me,” I said as she scooted forward and reached for the bottle. But as she took it, I held her in place and asked again, “Who did this to you?”

Amy looked over my shoulder to the door, probably worried that the asshole was about to burst through it and finish the job.

She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter, Jay. I’m fine now.”

“Fine?” I willed myself to keep my frustration at bay, but seeing her like this made my blood fucking boil. “You’re not fine, Amy.”

“I am. I just—”

“You have cuts all over the place. Half your face is the color of my leather jacket, and God knows what else is beneath that sweater. That’s not fine, Amy. That’s beaten. And I want to know who did it.”

“And I don’t want to tell you,” she snapped in a voice much louder than I’d expected.

I blinked and then shook my head. “Why? Do you think I’m going to judge you?”

“No.” Amy shoved her hair behind her ear and angled her battered face in my direction. “I think you’ll do worse than this to him, and it’s not your fight.”

She wasn’t wrong. But that still didn’t make me feel any better. “Amy, he can’t get away with this. If not me, let me call the cops—”

“No, Jay. You promised. No cops. No hospital.” She looked around me to the door again, as though trying to decide if she could make a run for it.

“Don’t even try. You won’t make it off the couch.”

“So I’m a prisoner?”

“No, you’re not a—” I let out a curse and pinched the bridge of my nose. “You’re not a prisoner; you’re a victim.” I dropped my hand and stared at her. “Do you understand that? Whoever you did this to you should pay for it. He should go to jail.”

When she remained stubbornly quiet, I ground down on my molars, praying for patience. Knowing I was getting nowhere, I tried a different angle. I needed to know if she was hurt anywhere other than what I could see.

“Your face, is that the worst of it?”

Amy held my gaze as she chewed on her lip. The cut there reopened, and she winced and touched her fingers to it.

“Amy?” I said, knowing there was more going on under that God-awful sweater than she was telling me.

“My arm hurts a little, and my side, but—”

“Show me.”

“What?”

“Show me,” I said again, and gestured to the sweater. “If you’re not going to let me take you to a doctor, I want to see what’s going on.”

She opened her mouth—no doubt about to argue—and I crossed my arms over my chest.

“I’m not messing around here. You either show me, or I carry you out to the damn car and take you to the hospital. Your choice.”

Amy slowly unfolded her small frame and got to her feet. I could see the pain in her expression as she stretched out, and I hated that she was feeling it. But I wasn’t leaving until I knew she didn’t need stitches, or…something more.

She reached for the hem of her sweater, and when she pulled it up to show me her waist and I caught sight of a bruise the size of a man’s shoe, my fingers curled into fists. The motherfucker had kicked her, that much was clear, and when she dropped the sweater and shrugged the shoulder down to show me her arm, I saw where finger marks colored her bicep.

“Fucking hell, Amy.” My eyes blurred, and I couldn’t tell if it was from anger or sadness. All I knew was that someone had done this to my baby sister, and I wanted to rip him apart. “Tell me who—”

“No, Jay, leave it.” She shook her head, then reached out to brush a thumb across something on my cheek—a fucking tear. “I’m not telling you.”

I took her hand in mine. “Why? Is he your boyfriend? A dealer? A pimp? Do you owe him money? You can tell me.”

She retook her seat, and when she stayed stubbornly silent, I wanted to scream.

“I’m not leaving this room until you give me something.”

“You have to go to work.”

“I don’t have to do shit. It’s my day off. Stop changing the subject.”

“Jay…”

“Amy.”

“Why won’t you just let it go? Forget about it.” She sighed and closed her eyes. “Forget about me.”

The utter dejection in those three words made my heart hurt, and suddenly all I could see was my little sister. The feisty, scrappy girl I swore I’d always protect.

I tightened my fingers around hers. “You’re my sister, Amy. I will never forget about you. Let me help you.”

I could hear the blood ringing in my ears as I held her gaze, willing her to do what I asked, but then she pulled her hand free and wrapped her arms around her knees.

“You need to go, Jay.” The request was faint, a mere whisper, but it was classic Amy. Like a script to some tragic movie that I’d watched several times over.

“Amy…you called me—”

“And you came. You did what you always did. You showed up and saved me.”

My spine stiffened. I hadn’t saved her. If I had, she wouldn’t be living on the street right now, would she?

Knowing I wasn’t going to get anywhere further with this, I resigned myself to working the angle I knew I’d have a chance of winning—food and shelter.

“You must be hungry. I’m going to go and see if there’s anything to eat here. Drink the rest of your water.” I got to my feet. “Don’t even think about trying to leave. Someone will be standing outside here the whole time.”

She muttered something about being a prisoner again, then took another sip of her water as I stepped out into the hall and shut the door behind me. I leaned against the wood and shut my eyes.

Would this ever fucking end? This constant cycle with her? I knew she wanted more than this. No little girl grew up thinking this was how their life would be. And God knew it wasn’t her fault that life had dealt us a shitty fucking hand.

But would she ever break free of it? There was only so much I could do. Only so much she would allow. And right now, I was feeling pretty damn helpless.

“Jameson?”

I looked to the far end of the hall and saw Ryan standing there. I held my hand out to him, and he came to me, no questions asked. He didn’t have to say a word; just having him close by made what had just felt so hopeless a little less so.

“You okay?”

“I will be.”

He looked to the door we were leaning against and raised a brow.

“Yeah, that went about as well as I expected,” I said.

“She still won’t go to a doctor?”

“Nope. But she seems more mobile this morning, at least. She can sit up, move around a decent amount. So I’m pretty sure nothing’s broken, just bruises. Her face, though… God.” I hung my head. “I want to find who did this to her and kill him.”

Ryan stepped in front of me and took my face in his hands. “I can’t let you do that.”

“Yeah? Well, it’s not like I could track him down anyway. She won’t tell me who did it.”

“I’m not surprised. You Clarkes are a protective bunch.”

When I frowned, he smiled.

“She’s not telling you who he is to protect you.”

“That’s ridiculous. I can take care of myself.”

“Oh, I know that, and so does she. She’s not telling you because she doesn’t want you to go and beat the hell out of someone—or worse. She doesn’t want to pull you into this, Jameson. Can’t you see? That’s her way of protecting you. Keeping you out of it. I’d do the same thing.”

My stomach twisted at the thought. “You better not. Anyone ever touches you in anger, you tell me.”

Ryan dropped his hands from my face. “No one is going to hurt me. I’m just saying I understand what she’s doing.”

“Yeah, well, that fucker should pay for what he’s done.”

“I agree. Maybe we could get her to come and stay with us for a while. She could get better, let this all settle down a little, and maybe she’d be more open to talking to you when everything isn’t so…on edge.”

I stared at Ryan in disbelief, unable to believe he’d just offered up his home—his safe, happy home—to this messy world that was my life.

“No, uh, I don’t think so. That’s your place, GQ. I can’t ask you to do that.”

“You’re not asking; I’m offering. She’s your sister, and the place is just as much yours as it is mine.”

I could see in his eyes that he meant every word he was saying, and my respect for him grew tenfold. But he had no idea what he was offering to take on, not really.

“Listen.” I pushed off the door and cradled his cheek. “I know your heart is in the right place, but I’m not bringing Amy back to your place.”

“But—”

“No buts. I’ve been through this with her several times over, and it doesn’t usually end…well. I’m not going to put you through that. I’ll work something else out.”

“Actually, I was thinking she could stay here with me for a while.” Jon made his way toward us. “She’s in no shape to go anywhere right now, and she’s stayed here before.”

I went to argue, but Jon held his hand up. “I’m not taking no for an answer. You have a job you have to do—”

“So do you.”

“Yeah, but I can keep an eye on her and offer her a spot behind the bar when she feels up to it. This is her side of town. She’s comfortable here. You can come check on her right after shift.”

While I hated the idea of letting her out of my sight so quickly after everything, Jon had a point. She wasn’t going to let me take her to a hospital or clinic, even a shelter, so this probably was the best option. She knew Jon and had worked here in the past—but that still didn’t mean she’d stay put.

I rubbed a hand over my beard. “I don’t know, Jon. What if she runs?”

“Then she runs. She isn’t a prisoner, Jameson. The best we can do for her right now is keep her fed and warm. You know this is the best option.”

I looked to Ryan, who nodded. “It sounds like a good compromise to me.”

It was, I knew that. But that didn’t mean I was happy to be leaving her here without any answers.

I looked to Jon. “You’ll call me if something changes?”

“As soon as.”

Knowing there was no other option, I finally caved. “Okay. It’s not like she wants to talk to me anyway.”

Jon clapped me on the arm. “She’ll talk. She just needs some time.”

“Yeah, okay.”

“How about you two go home and get some rest? Call me tonight and check in, and come by when you’re next off.”

“Are you sure about this, Jon?”

“Don’t make me kick you out. You know I can.” He winked at Ryan and then pointed to the door. “Now go.”

OceanofPDF.com

Chapter 4

OceanofPDF.com

Ryan

THE DRIVE HOME was a quiet one, but not uncomfortable. We’d picked up a couple of breakfast sandwiches and maneuvered our way through the Sunday morning traffic. Last night was the first real fall of snow Chicago had had this year, which meant more would soon follow. But as we headed through the city to our apartment building, I noticed the morning sun had already begun to melt some of it away.

It felt like days—no, weeks—since we’d left here for the charity event. As we took the elevator up to our floor, I couldn’t wait to get out of my tuxedo.

I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had an all-nighter in a pub, and I certainly couldn’t remember ever having woken up in one. There was nothing comfortable about wooden bench seats, and I didn’t plan a repeat anytime soon.

I unlocked the door and pushed it open, and as we entered our apartment, I heard Jameson place Simon’s box down on the floor by the coatrack. I’d been curious whether he’d remember he put it in the trunk last night, but it was the first thing he’d gone for when we arrived, and I thought that was a step in the right direction. The man I’d known even a week ago wouldn’t have touched that box of memories with a ten-foot pole. The fact it was now in our apartment meant he was at least open to the idea of going there.

Just not now. Not today. One thing at a time.

Jameson shrugged out of his leather jacket. “I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait to get out of this penguin suit.”

I chuckled as I removed my own jacket and tossed it over the back of the couch. “You said that the second you put it on last night. But personally, I’d kill for a shower.”

Jameson glanced down at his rumpled shirt and pants, his tuxedo jacket long gone now, a gift to the helpful man under the L train. “Wonder how much this is going to set me back?”

“You don’t need to worry about that. I’ll take care of it.”

“I don’t think so, GQ. I rented the thing, and now I can’t return it. That’s my problem, not yours.”

“You rented it because I pushed you into something you didn’t want to do. The least I can do is—”

“No.”

“But—”

“I said no.” Jameson walked around the couch and over to me. “You need to stop doing that. Blaming yourself for last night.”

That was easier said than done. I knew Jameson had forgiven me for coercing him into being my date, but that didn’t mean I’d forgiven myself.

“Listen to me: you have nothing to be sorry for. You offered help without expectation, and kindness without question, and that was all after I practically threw you out in the snow.”

“No, you were just—”

“Shh.” Jameson took the bow tie from my hand and dropped it on the couch, then laced his fingers in mine and walked us back toward the bathroom door. As we stepped inside, he reached for my shirt and gently tugged it from my pants.

“You offered your place to a complete stranger this morning. I’ll never forget that. You’ve done more for me in the short amount of time I’ve known you than anyone in my life. Do you know how rare that is? How special that makes you?”

My eyes began to blur as Jameson unbuttoned my shirt and pushed it from my shoulders.

“I can never repay you for what you did for us. Not ever. But maybe I can somehow let you know what an amazing human being you are.” Without taking his eyes off me, Jameson turned the shower on. “Lose the pants, GQ. I just figured out how to thank you. I’m going to give you that shower you’d kill for.”

My cheeks heated, a sudden wave of shyness overcoming me. “You don’t have to do that.”

Jameson quickly unbuttoned his own shirt and pants, and by the time I was naked, he was already kicking out of his final piece of clothing.

“Trust me, this is more selfish than not.” We stepped into the tub, him with his back to the spray as he reached for me. “I really just want you back in my arms again. Now, close your eyes.”

I did as I was told. He walked us back under the showerhead, and the warm water washed down over us. I moaned and slid my arms up around his neck, nuzzling into the crook of his shoulder and kissing his wet skin.

I couldn’t think of any place I’d rather be after a night like we’d had.

When we were both nice and warm, he moved us out from under the spray, and stared into my eyes.

Jameson’s hair was slicked back from his face, and beads of water clung to his long lashes. He was even more handsome soaking wet than he was when he was dry, and that just seemed totally unfair.

“What’s that smile about?” Jameson smoothed his hand down my back and rested it at my waist.

“Nothing.”

“Nothing, huh?” He cupped one of my ass cheeks and tugged me a little closer. As our erections met, he raised a brow. “Doesn’t feel like nothing to me.”

“Like you can talk.”

“I got to admit, it’s getting more difficult the longer I have you slipping and sliding in my arms.”

“I’m not doing that on purpose.” I fingered the wet strands at the nape of his neck, then rocked my hips forward. “I am now.”

“Behave. I owe you a shower, remember?”

Jameson released me and grabbed the sponge and bottle of body wash. He flicked open the lid, brought it up under his nose, and inhaled.

“Mmm, there it is. You in a bottle.” He turned it over and poured some onto the sponge. “Do you know how many times I’ve stood in here with this, imagining you right here with me?”

My heart thumped at the intensity in his eyes. “Well, no need to imagine anymore.”

“You’re right. But still, give me a minute. I want to soak it all in.” Jameson winked at his bad joke, and I couldn’t help my grin.

He made slow circles over my chest before moving down my ribs and back up under my arms. Then he followed the suds past my navel to my treasure trail until his hand brushed against my erection.

Jameson crouched and drew the sponge down my legs. When he ran it up the inside of my thighs and gently cupped my balls, I groaned and thrust my hips forward. Even after everything we’d been through and with the two of us clearly exhausted, if Jameson was naked and touching me, my body was going to react.

“Right, all clean here.” Jameson aimed his eyes up at me. “Except maybe that mind of yours.”

“Yeah.” I chuckled. “Pity I’m too tired to act on it.”

“You and me both. How about we take a rain check?”

“Deal.”

“Deal.” Jameson circled a finger in the air. “Now turn around, GQ.”

I almost argued the point, not wanting to look away from him just yet. “Okay, but then it’s my turn, right?”

Jameson leaned in and nipped at my ear. “Definitely. I’m much dirtier than you are.”

I shook my head. “Too tired, remember? Don’t tease me.”

“Sorry, you’re just a little too tempting right now. My brain forgets from one second to the next.”

For the first time since we’d left the Peninsula last night, I found myself grinning like a fool.

We didn’t linger too long after that, clearly not trusting ourselves, and by the time we left the bathroom, a deep lethargy had set into my muscles.

“I can’t wait to fall in to bed and not move for the next few hours.” I took Jameson’s hand to lead him to his room, but when he came to a halt in the middle of the living room, my stomach dropped.

Oh God, had I totally misread this situation? Yes, Jameson had said he forgave me, and I thought we’d reconnected in the shower just now, but maybe he wanted to sleep alone this morning.

I braced myself and turned, telling myself whatever Jameson wanted was fine with me. But the reality was that I’d be devastated if he told me to leave him now.

Instead, a smile slowly curved his lips and he gestured over his shoulder to the hall behind him.

“Why don’t we sleep in your bed today?”

My eyes widened and my mouth fell to the floor. “My bed? But you said—”

“I know what I said.” Jameson drew me toward him. “I didn’t want to get too comfortable there. I didn’t want to feel too…safe. But it’s too late for that now.”

My heart was hammering so hard I was surprised he couldn’t hear it. “Don’t worry. I’ll keep you safe.”

Jameson swallowed, and for a second I thought I caught something else swirling in his eyes. But before I could pinpoint it, he blinked and took my hand in his, leading me down the hall to my room.

OceanofPDF.com

Chapter 5

OceanofPDF.com

Jameson

THE SOFT SOUND of breathing woke me several hours later, and as my eyes adjusted to the dark, unfamiliar surroundings, I remembered where I was—Ryan’s room.

For a firefighter, this bedroom was a dream. With no windows or outside lighting once the door was closed, there was no telling what time of day it was. But if I had to guess, I’d put it somewhere in the late afternoon.

Not wanting to wake Ryan, I gently pushed back the covers and climbed out of bed, then did my best not to trip over anything on my way to the door. Once I was outside, I closed it behind me and headed to my room to pull on some clothes. The exhaustion had finally lifted, and I felt more like myself than I had in days now. I headed to the kitchen for the next thing my body was demanding—food.

It was just coming up to five, so we’d slept right through lunch, and if Ryan was anything like me, that breakfast sandwich we’d eaten on the way home was not cutting it anymore.

I hunted around for something to throw together and spotted the onions and garlic Ryan had picked up at the store recently, along with some fresh basil. I did a quick check of the cabinet, where I found some pasta and sauce, and my decision was made.

It was nothing fancy, but pasta was quick and something I wouldn’t mess up.

I grabbed a pot and pan from the lower cupboard and winced when they clanged together. I glanced toward the hall, hoping I hadn’t woken Ryan, and when everything remained silent, I breathed a sigh of relief. He deserved a few extra minutes to relax after everything he’d done for me in the last twenty-four hours.

I got to work on the garlic and onions, and once they were ready to go, I added olive oil to the pan. If there was one thing at the firehouse besides the blaring sirens that could get the crew out of their beds, it was the smell of good food. I was hoping it was the same for Ryan.

Once the sauce was simmering, I noticed two bottles of red wine on the counter and decided if ever there was a night for a drink, it was tonight. I uncorked one of the bottles and set it on the kitchen island to breathe, and as I did, my eyes landed on the box of Simon’s things that I’d put in the corner of the living room.

I’d almost left it in the car, so I waited for the usual anxiety to take a grip of me, but I was shocked when it didn’t come. Instead, I found myself looking down the hall, Ryan’s words running through my head: I’ll keep you safe…

I knew it must’ve seemed crazy to him, my reluctance to trust the roof over my head. But it was crazier to me how most people took for granted something as simple as a safe place to sleep, a safe place to be…vulnerable.

But as I stood there now without breaking into a cold sweat at the thought of what was in that box, I knew it wasn’t the place that was my safe space—it was Ryan.

The sound of a door caught my attention, and when Ryan stepped out of his bedroom, my heart began to thump harder.

His hair was still a little messy from sleep, and his grey sweats hung off his hips as I took in the way his white tank molded to his lean frame like a second skin. He looked relaxed, comfortable, and so damn easy on the eyes that every thought that had just been in my head disappeared.

He ran a hand through his hair as he walked my way, and still half-asleep, he looked adorable as ever.

I’d done a lot of soul searching over the last two nights about my life and where I belonged, and now I knew I was exactly where I was supposed to be.

“Hey,” he said, a slow smile curving his lips when he spotted me. “How long have you been up? You should’ve woken me.”

“Nah, you needed the rest. And I didn’t wake up that much earlier than you.”

Ryan looked to the stove. “You’ve been up long enough to cook something delicious.”

“Something edible, anyway.”

Ryan chuckled, took the lid off the pan that held the sauce, then took a deep inhale. “Mmm, this is what woke me. It smells amazing.”

Unable to keep away from him any longer, I wrapped my arms around his waist and nuzzled into his neck. “You smell amazing.”

Ryan placed the lid back on the pan and leaned back into me. “Oh? Keep talking…”

A laugh rumbled out of me as his ass rubbed up against my cock. “You feel pretty fucking amazing too.”

“Hmm.” Ryan angled his head to the side. I kissed my way up to his ear, and he sighed. “So do you.” He turned in my arms. “This is nice.” Ryan sidled in close, his fingers flirting with the hair at the nape of my neck. “Waking up and finding you here in the kitchen, slaving over a hot stove for me.”

I chuckled. “And here I thought you meant the way you were grinding up against my dick.”

“Well, that’s nice too. But I’m starving.” Ryan winked, and it was all I could do to not turn us around, pull his sweats off, and bend him over the counter.

“If that’s the case, you need to go and sit down, or that delicious sauce you were dreaming about is going to go to waste.”

Ryan smacked a quick kiss to my lips and then slipped out of my arms. “Ooh, I see you opened the wine. Let me grab a couple of glasses.”

As he did that, I filled the pasta pot with water and added some salt. By the time I was done, there were two glasses of red on the island and Ryan was seated on one of the stools.

“Thanks,” I said as he slid one over to me. “I figured we could do with a glass or two after last night.”

“I think that’s a great idea.” Ryan took a sip as he stared over at me, and I couldn’t help but wonder what he really thought about all of this. Me? Amy? Us?

I knew he cared and that he wanted to help, but we hadn’t really talked more than that, and last night had been a lot to take in.

“How you doing with all of that?” I asked.

“With last night, you mean?”

“Yeah, a lot happened. Stuff that I’m sure you’re not used to, and I’m just wondering how you’re doing.”

“Oh, I’m fine.”

His answer was a little quicker and shorter than I expected. But now that we were home and away from any other distractions, I could see a slight frown between his brows and realized he wasn’t telling me everything.

“You’re fine? You sure about that?”

“Uh huh. Why wouldn’t I be?” Ryan lowered his glass to the marble counter. “We worked everything out between us, and—”

“We did, you’re right. But that’s not what I mean.”

I took another sip of my wine for some liquid courage. I wasn’t any good at this kind of thing, talking about my feelings. But I could see something was worrying him, and I had a pretty good idea what it was.

“I meant about everything you saw with my sister. That had to be kind of a shock, right? Where we found her? How we found her?”

Ryan looked down at his glass and fingered the base. I could sense he wanted to say something, but was hesitant. So I reached across the island and stilled his hand.

“I’m fine, really, I just…” He trailed off, and I took his fingers in mine and squeezed.

“You just what?”

He opened his mouth as though he were about to respond, but then shook his head.

“Hey? You can talk to me. I can see something’s on your mind.”

“I know, I just…” Ryan let out a sigh. “I feel stupid saying it out loud.”

“Come on, GQ. There’s nothin’ stupid about you.”

Ryan shook his head, and I could feel his disappointment in himself rolling off him in waves.

“I guess I didn’t realize how bad things were for you—for others—just minutes across town from me.” His lips twisted. “Pretty naïve, huh? Or maybe shortsighted? I don’t know. You were right to be so angry about the charity and everyone throwing money at a tragic video meant to pull at their heartstrings. All they really have to do is drive out of their zip code—that’s all I would’ve had to do—to see the truth. Instead, we choose the easy way, the way that makes us feel comfortable.”

He raised his eyes back to mine, and there were tears glimmering.

“I feel ashamed of myself.” Ryan nodded and bit down into his lower lip. “Of the way I was acting that night all impressed with the five-star hotel and the fancy ballroom when Amy was probably—”

“No.” I shook my head. “Stop right there. That’s not for you to take on. That’s not your burden. Amy’s choices are her own. I had to learn that the hard way. Yes, we were handed a shit start to life, but there were ways out. Ways that she decided she didn’t want to take. So don’t you dare feel guilty for her choices. That’s not on you.”

“It’s not just that.” Ryan looked down at our hands and brushed his thumb over the back of my knuckles. “What I saw under that bridge, the people sleeping outside in freezing temperatures… Did you… Did you ever have to sleep outside like that? In the snow?”

I thought about lying to try to make him feel better, but if I was going to let Ryan in and show him all the sides of me, then that was what he needed to see. The good, the bad, and the really fucking ugly.

“Yeah, sometimes. When there was no room at a shelter or our parents were out of their mind on whatever drug they’d managed to get their hands on. Sleeping outside was sometimes the safer option.”

Ryan blinked at me, and when a tear slipped down his cheek, I reached out to brush it away.

“Don’t cry, GQ. I turned out okay in the end.”

Ryan turned his face into my palm and kissed it. “Better than okay.”

“I don’t know about that. But I’m glad you think so. Now stop beating yourself up for things that aren’t your fault. Okay?”

“Okay,” Ryan agreed, but I could still see the wheels turning behind his eyes.

“Something else on your mind?”

He opened his mouth as though he were going to speak, but at the last second smiled and picked his glass back up. “No, that was it.”

“Okay, good.” I glanced to the stove to see the water boiling. “Then why don’t you work on that wine while I get the pasta in? Gotta feed my man before he wastes away. I don’t know about you, but I could do with some food.”

OceanofPDF.com

Chapter 6

OceanofPDF.com

Ryan

“I WAS HOPING I’d see you before you left this morning,” I said as I wandered into the kitchen, where Jameson was putting a lid on his traveler’s mug.

“Yeah, I was just about to walk out the door.”

“I know.” I slipped the end of my tie through the knot at my neck. “Your schedule’s on the fridge.”

Jameson’s eyes shifted to the sheet of paper I’d finally had him print out. He walked over and kissed me on the cheek. “So it is, control freak.”

“Hey, I like to know if I’m cooking for one or two. Is that so strange?”

“Uh huh.” Jameson nipped at my ear. “I think it’s more that you like to know if I’m going to be home and in your bed.”

“That too.”

“Thought so. Well, the answer to that is that I will be tomorrow night. So keep my spot warm.”

“Promise.” I couldn’t help my smile as he walked to the door. “Jameson?”

He stopped and looked at me, and for the first time ever I heard myself say, “Be safe out there, okay?”

He smiled, and my heart felt close to bursting.

“Always, GQ. I’ll see you tomorrow night.”

“See you then.”

As he disappeared out the door, I stood there for a second and just stared at it, my living room suddenly seeming so quiet now that he had gone, and it took me a second to readjust.

Wow, this was the first time in days that everything had just stopped. That I found myself alone with a minute to breathe and take in everything that had happened—and a lot had happened.

Some good, some bad, and some I was still coming to terms with. Like this newfound fear gnawing at the pit of my stomach, the knowledge that Jameson had just headed off to a job that was extremely dangerous.

I hadn’t felt like this last week. I mean, I’d been conscious that Jameson had a risky job but didn’t think too much beyond that. He was trained to do what he did, and he was damn good at. But something had changed since then. Something had made the idea of him not walking back through that door unbearable, and I knew exactly what it was.

I loved him.

I took several deep breaths then let them out and told myself to pull it together. I was not going to spend my days and nights stressing about Jameson on the job. Otherwise I’d just turn into a nervous wreck. Instead, I focused on what I could control: Alexander’s life.

I grinned, thinking how unimpressed my boss would be by that thought, but deep down he knew it was true. I got my own traveler’s mug ready to go, grabbed my jacket, then headed to the coatrack. As I reached for my peacoat, my gaze fell on Simon’s box sitting in the corner, and that gnawing feeling came back with a vengeance.

Damn it, I hadn’t thought about this part of becoming involved with someone who put his life on the line for strangers. I hadn’t thought about falling for someone I could lose in the blink of an eye…

I snatched up my peacoat and keys and headed out the front door. As I slammed it shut behind me, I thought my best course of action right now was to not think about that at all.

“HE’S NOT IN yet, but if you leave me your number, I’ll get him the message and have him call you back.” I took down the number rattled off to me, and just as I was ending the call, I spotted Alexander weaving his way through the desks and heading in my direction.

All morning I’d been preparing what I was going to say when I saw my boss again after Jameson’s and my abrupt exit from last week’s dinner. But now that the time was here, every apology I’d rehearsed in my head seemed to vanish with each step he took.

It wasn’t that I didn’t trust Alexander or feel that he would understand why Jameson had reacted the way he had. It was that I wasn’t exactly sure what was and wasn’t my business to share. I had a sudden urge to protect Jameson, and while I didn’t believe for a second that Alexander would ever hurt him, I also didn’t want any kind of judgment.

As Alexander approached, I got to my feet to greet him. “Good morning, sir.”

“Good morning, Ryan.”

“I trust you had a good weekend,” I said as he headed into his office.

“I did, thank you.” Alexander placed his briefcase on one of the chairs that faced his desk, then began to unbutton his coat. “And you? How was your weekend?”

He aimed a pointed look in my direction, and I tried my best for a smile. “My weekend was…interesting.”

Alexander nodded and shrugged out of his coat. “I figured it might be after its rather inauspicious beginning.”

Needing something to do other than just stand there, I walked across the office to take his coat from him. As I reached for it, Alexander kept a tight hold of the garment. “Are you okay?” he asked.

I swallowed and tightened my fingers around the coat. “Yes, I’m okay. I promise.”

“When you didn’t call or text after that night, I grew”—Alexander ran his eyes over my face—“concerned.”

“I told you that night I was okay,” I reassured him, and when he released his coat, I went and hung it on the rack. “After Jameson and I left, we worked things out, and I realized I’d inadvertently put him in an uncomfortable situation.”

“The charity event.”

“Yes.”

“Well, that wasn’t your fault. I was the one who invited him.”

I nodded and let out a sigh. “I know, and he said yes because he didn’t want to let me down. He just didn’t realize what he was saying yes to, that’s all.”

Alexander’s eyes narrowed. “Why don’t you shut the door for a minute and take a seat.”

I could tell he was trying to fill in the blanks, and Alexander was smart enough that it wouldn’t take long. So I could either fill them in for him or let him go digging, and I knew which one Jameson would prefer.

I shut the door and then moved to take a seat, and Alexander chuckled.

“Relax, Ryan. You look like a kid that was just called to the principal’s office.”

I grinned. “I wouldn’t know. I was never called to the principal’s office.”

“Why am I not surprised.” He leaned back in his chair, that famous frown of concentration forming between his brows. “Look, I’m not sure about the particulars of what went on with Jameson and yourself that night. But judging by certain things that were said, I can take a pretty good guess.”

I nodded, knowing that Alexander and Sean would’ve put two and two together.

“Jameson mentioned that he grew up on the South Side. The event focused a lot on the neighborhoods I’m sure he was familiar with. I imagine that was rather uncomfortable for him.”

“Very,” I said, my mind going back to the moment outside the hotel where Jameson had looked so defeated, so broken. “It brought a lot of old wounds to the surface and he was caught off guard, that’s all.”

“I’m sure he was. I can’t begin to imagine what he was thinking or feeling. As though somehow he was ambushed.”

“Yes. That’s exactly it.”

“I thought so. Those dinners can be intimidating to anyone not used to dealing with all the pomp and circumstance. Trust me, Sean still feels like a fish out of water. But with the added emotions that such a sensitive subject would evoke, I imagine Jameson felt as though he were under some kind of attack. I’m deeply sorry he felt that way.”

“I know. There’s no way you could’ve predicted the outcome—none of us could.” But it was over now, and if anything had come of that night, it was the deeper connection I now shared with Jameson.

“Hmm.” Alexander sat forward in his seat and picked up his cell. “Maybe there’s something we could do to make up for it.”

I frowned. “What do you mean? There’s nothing to make up for. You didn’t do anything.”

Alexander shrugged. “Yes, I did. Maybe not on purpose, but I put Jameson on the spot because I wanted to meet the man you were gaga over. It turned out horribly, and some of that blame certainly falls on me. So, what if we try again?”

My eyes widened, the idea of asking Jameson to rent another tuxedo and dine at a fancy restaurant not something I wanted to do anytime soon.

Alexander laughed. “I see you’re excited about that prospect.”

“Uh, no, that’s not it. It’s just—”

“Jameson wouldn’t come out to another dinner with us again if you bribed him?”

My mouth fell open but nothing came out. That was pretty spot on.

“It’s okay, Ryan. I don’t blame him. Why don’t we give it a little time to settle down and then maybe we can have a do-over? But a much more relaxed one, with friends. No tuxedo necessary.”

That did sound better, and more in line with Jameson’s vibe, but with everything going on with Amy, I wasn’t sure now was the right time.

“Think about it,” Alexander said. “You don’t have to give me an answer right now.”

“Okay. That’s really nice of you. Let me think about it and let things settle a bit and maybe we can revisit it?”

“Of course. You let me know.”

I nodded and got to my feet.

“I really am sorry about this weekend. I hope everything works out for you two, and if you ever need to talk to someone and absolutely no one else is around…” Alexander grinned. “I’m always here.”

I chuckled. “Thanks, boss. Let me go and grab your schedule. You’ve got a busy day today.”

OceanofPDF.com

Chapter 7

OceanofPDF.com

Jameson

THE BRIGHT RED flames and smoke billowing from a window of the second-floor apartment were a clear calling card, as Brumm brought the rig around to the front of the three-story dwelling, and we all piled out.

There were crowds of onlookers standing out in the parking lot watching as the fire ripped through the home. Several were looking on with expressions full of shock, and others documented the damn thing on their phones for posterity.

Olsen was over on the curb getting details from the leasing manager, and when he headed back in our direction, we gathered round for further instruction.

“Right, listen up. It appears the fire started on the second floor. The occupant who lives there, an elderly man, is unaccounted for at this time. Everyone else has been evacuated from the building. Clarke, Lee, you’re with me. Brumm and Isaacs, get a line on this thing. Okay, let’s suit up and get in there—we have a man to find.”

I pulled my mask and helmet on and was about to follow Olsen inside when a loud boom exploded from the second floor. We all ducked for cover as glass from the balcony’s sliding door shattered and rained down over us. Flames began to lick at the new opening.

I straightened to assess the damage, and as my eyes locked on the balcony, I saw an old man stagger out and collapse in the far corner, away from the flames.

“Lieutenant!” I shouted to Olsen, who was about to make his way inside. “There’s our guy.” I pointed up to the balcony, my mind already recalculating.

“I see him. You good to go up?”

“I’m good.”

Olsen gave a clipped nod. “Lee! Get us a ladder over here.”

“Yes, sir.”

Lee bolted for the truck as I moved closer to the building and tried to pinpoint the man, but he was out of sight. Not a minute later, Lee was back and Olsen and I moved to help get the ladder positioned on the balcony, as far from the flames as possible.

“Okay,” Olsen said, glancing over his shoulder. “I’ll go up first, get over the railing, and locate the victim. Clarke? I want you behind me, ready to get him down. Lee? You foot the ladder. We good?”

“Yes, sir,” the two of us said in unison, then we were on the move.

We scaled the ladder quicker than you could blink as the fire crackled and popped above us. Two stories didn’t take us long at all, and when Olsen cleared the cast-iron rail, I braced myself on the top rungs and waited. I kept one eye on the flaming monster breathing down our neck, and the other on my lieutenant, waiting for his next move.

Olsen rushed over to where the man was crouched in the corner. Several words were exchanged and then the man nodded and got to his feet. Thank God, it seemed he had escaped the apartment just before the explosion moments ago, because he was able to stand.

“This is Clarke,” Olsen said as he guided the old man over to me. “He’s going to help you down.”

I noted the fear in the man’s eyes as he looked to the ground. There were several small cuts on his soot-covered face where glass from the balcony had caught him, but other than that, he looked pretty good—and it was my job to keep him that way.

First things first, though. I needed to calm him down enough to get him over the rail.

“Hi there. Bet you didn’t think you’d be starring in your own action movie today, huh?”

He smiled shakily.

“Do you think you can get a leg up over this rail?”

The man frowned and again looked at the ground.

“Don’t worry about down there. Let’s just get you over the rail, and I’ll help you the rest of the way.”

The man’s hands tightened on the cast iron, and he went to lift a leg and winced, then shook his head. My eyes fell to his pants, where I spotted a rip and some blood. Damn it, it seemed he was injured after all.

“It’s his leg,” I said to Olsen, and gestured to the pants.

“I think it’s cut,” the man said. “From the glass.”

“Okay.” Olsen crouched down to get a better look, and after a quick inspection got back to his feet. “It’s a nasty cut, but nothing we can’t take care of once we’re free and clear. We need to get moving. I’m going to help you over, okay?”

The man agreed, and Olsen lifted him over the rail and turned him to face the balcony. As his feet searched for the rung and his hands clung to the ladder, I moved in behind him and made sure he was secure.

“That’s it, I’ve got you. Make sure your feet are steady, and you have a good grip.” I was just about to guide us down when a blast of air roared from the apartment, pushing the flames in our direction.

“Close your eyes and duck your head!” I shouted. Olsen dove for cover, and I crowded around the man, protecting him from the blast with my body.

Fuck, we needed to move, and fast. This monster was hungry and wasn’t waiting for anyone. I looked to Olsen, who was back on his feet by the rail, and knew when I got the two of us moving, my lieutenant could follow.

In as calm a voice as I could manage, I said, “All right, we’re going to get going now, okay? One foot after the other. Let’s go.”

Rung by rung, the man gingerly made his way down.

“That’s it, you’ve got it. You’re doing great,” I said until my feet were back on the ground and Lee moved in to assist. Olsen wasn’t far behind, and as Stevie rolled a stretcher up to the curb, Brumm and Isaacs moved in with the hoses full force and went to work.

Damn, that’d been close.

I ripped off my helmet and saw Olsen do the same, then he tossed me a bottle of water and smirked. “Now there’s a way to get your week started. A fire right up your ass.”

No shit. With a start like that, it could only go up from here, right?

“NICE SAVE OUT there today, Superman.”

At the sound of Brumm’s voice, I turned from the fridge where I’d just grabbed a Gatorade. I was about to add my own two cents to our lieutenant’s little trip over the railing and into the fiery beast, but instead noticed all the guys turned my way, goofy grins on their lips.

Wait, they mean me? I frowned. “Superman?”

Brumm leaned back on his chair and craned his head around Lee’s shoulder, his big body balancing precariously on the back two legs of his seat.

“Yeah,” he said. “I’m finally testing out your nickname, or the one we call you behind your back. How’d you like it?”

“Uh—” I had no idea what the hell he was talking about.

“We thought up a couple different ones when you first showed up and wouldn’t tell us shit about you. But this one’s kind of perfect, don’t you think?” Brumm grinned at all his co-conspirators. “Your name’s Clarke, you’re all mysterious and close-lipped, you work with Olsen, and you’re dating a reporter, a.k.a. Lois.”

My eyes widened. “Ryan’s not a reporter.”

“Ha!” Brumm tipped forward until his chair landed flat, then slapped his hand on the table. “But you are dating him.”

The second I realized my misstep, I scowled at the smug bastard waggling his brows at me and flipped him off. The rest of the crew began laughing at their ridiculous ringleader, but then they sobered up and Isaacs nodded at me.

“I think Superman’s perfect, and I’ve kind of gotten used to calling you that—you know, behind your back.”

Jesus, I was never gonna shake that name now. I twisted off the top of my drink and looked at the grinning bunch of morons. “Why do I have to have a nickname? The rest of you don’t.”

“Old lieutenant kinda did, but that came with him,” Olsen chimed in as he walked into the kitchen. “But you’re getting one to show that you’re part of the family. Can’t get rid of us now.”

I wasn’t sure how I felt about that, but for the first time in a long while, I didn’t feel panic set in.

“What? You don’t like it?” Olsen grinned. “I thought it was rather ingenious. Maybe we should get you a cape.”

“So I can strangle you with it?”

He let out a loud, booming laugh. “I mean, we could always go with the other top choice.”

“Do I even want to know?”

He clapped me on the back. “Probably not, considering it was inspired by your rather…charming personality.”

I was about to respond with something charming when my phone vibrated in my pocket. As I fished it out, the guys began to talk amongst themselves.

GQ - Miss you. I hope you’re having a good day. Feel free to call me if you’re missing me too.

I did miss him. In fact, I’d been missing him so much that I’d been thinking about asking him to dinner tomorrow night to make up for the one I’d cut and run from last week.

I was about to text back when I heard by my ear, “Lois?”

I turned to see Olsen all up in my space. “Really?”

Olsen shrugged. “You have to admit, it all fits together nicely, don’t you think?”

“Sure. I bet Ryan would love to know that’s what you guys are calling him around here.”

“Hey, you never know, he just might like it. Maybe instead of a cape, you should buy some tights.”

“Tights?” My mouth fell open. “You’ve lost your fucking mind.”

“Nah, I’m giving you ideas. You gotta be open to trying new things occasionally, Superman. I see you aren’t as opposed to the cape.”

I shook my head and stepped around him. “I’m opposed to any part of this conversation continuing.”

“Uh huh.”

I glanced at my phone, wanting to talk to Ryan more than ever now. “Will you give me a sec?”

Olsen nodded. “Go ahead.”

I stepped out into the hall and hit Ryan’s number.

“Hey there.”

“Hey, GQ, how’s your morning going?”

“Better now.” At the smile in his voice, I grinned despite myself.

“Oh yeah? Well, how about I make it even better? How’d you like to go to dinner tomorrow night.”

“Dinner?”

He sounded so confused that I couldn’t help but laugh. “Yeah, you know, that meal you eat at night.”

“Very funny, Jameson. What I mean is, it’s a Tuesday.”

“You don’t eat dinner on Tuesdays?”

Ryan scoffed. “Aren’t you a riot today?”

“What can I say, I’m in a good mood.” And I wasn’t lying. After the last couple of days, it felt good to be laughing with the guys here, having them rib me a little. Strange as it was, I was actually starting to like that bunch.

“I can tell, and to answer your question, yes, I’d love to go to dinner with you.”

“Now that’s the right answer.”

“Always happy to please you.”

An image of Ryan naked and wet in the shower came back to me in great detail, and a groan rumbled out of my throat. “I’m gonna remember that.”

“I’ll be disappointed if you don’t.”

Jesus, how the hell was I going to go back to work now that I had that image in my head? “Tomorrow, get a ride to work. I’ll meet you in town then drive us home.”

“So this is like a date date?”

“This is definitely a date date, and my answer to your text earlier—”

“I didn’t ask a question.”

“Yeah, you did. I miss you too, GQ.”

Ryan sucked in a breath and then said my name in that soft, sexy way he did when I was kissing him all over. “Jameson…”

“Hold that thought till tomorrow.”

“I can’t wait. Be safe.”

That was the second time he’d said that to me today, and it felt pretty damn good to have someone care. “Always.”

As I ended the call, Olsen walked out of the kitchen with a smug look on his face.

“Sooo, I’m guessing you had a good weekend with the boyfriend, huh?”

I side-eyed my gossipy lieutenant. “What makes you say that?”

“Oh, I don’t know, the fact that you’re actually smiling today instead of scowling at everyone. At first we thought you might be coming down with some kind of disease, but—”

“Shut the hell up.” I slipped my phone into my pocket.

“So?” Olsen said. “Good weekend?”

“It was”—I thought about everything that had happened—“interesting.”

“Oh yeah? Why’s that? Did you finally discover what fun is?”

I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, no. Pretty much the exact opposite. We had to go to this fancy work shindig of his, and let’s just say it wasn’t really my thing.”

“Oh, I see. Fancy as in all suited up?”

“Tuxedo and all.”

Olsen made a face. “Oh God, that’s even worse. I can’t stand those penguin suits. I’ll stick with my jeans and a pint at Mulligan’s any night of the week.”

“That definitely sounds more up my alley.”

“Yeah, but I’m not the one you’re trying to impress. So hey, if your guy likes a fancy dinner every now and then, you give him a fancy dinner.”

That was exactly what I’d thought, and why I wanted this do-over with Ryan. I remembered his face when we first arrived at the Peninsula, and I had to admit, while the rest of the night had been an absolute disaster, seeing how excited he was to go out had been pretty damn amazing.

I was about to say something along those lines when the alarms blared overhead, saving me.

“That’s us, Superman.” Olsen began to jog down the hall, me close at his heels. “Come on, let’s go find that cape.”

OceanofPDF.com

Chapter 8

OceanofPDF.com

Jameson

I PULLED MY bike into the side road behind Jon’s the next morning, and for a few minutes enjoyed the sun on my face after the chilly ride over. It wouldn’t be long before I had to put the bike away for the winter, but until that day came, I was going to get in every last ride I could.

After a couple of minutes, I secured my helmet and headed for the back door. Inside, I made a beeline for Jon’s office. I’d texted with him a couple of times over the last few days and he’d assured me Amy was doing better, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to enjoy myself tonight until I saw her with my own two eyes.

I gave a brisk knock on the office door before sticking my head inside, and when I found it empty, I continued up the hall.

“Jon? Amy?” When there was no response and no one behind the bar, I continued on until I spotted Jon on a ladder just outside the front door. I frowned and stepped out onto the sidewalk as he looked down at me, screwdriver in hand.

“Jameson? I wasn’t expecting you for another half-hour or so.”

“Sorry, man, I was out the door on time this morning and headed straight over. That okay?”

“Of course.” Jon shut his toolbox and began to climb down. “Amy’s just headed out to get us some food, but she shouldn’t be long.”

“You let her go out on her own?”

“Wasn’t so much a matter of letting her—she was chomping at the bit.” Jon handed me the toolbox then folded up the ladder. “Damn sign’s been smacking the side of the building for hours. I came out this morning to find it hanging by one hook. I swear, this place is falling down around me.”

“Well, maybe you can finally put some money into it when you sell the old grocery store.”

“Eh, not holding my breath for that.”

“Why not? I thought there were a few people interested.”

“There are, but not anyone I want to sell to. Just some rich-ass developers who want to knock it down and put a condo building there instead.” He sighed and shook his head. “I’d rather be buried there than let that happen. That place used to mean something to this community. A local hangout for you kids, when you had no place else to go. First with my dad, then me for a while. The idea of it being handed over to people who don’t give a shit about anything but lining their pockets makes my skin crawl. I’m not interested.”

I totally understood where Jon was coming from, but at the same time I knew how much he could do with the money. I wished there was a better solution, one that could help him and the community we grew up in. But unfortunately, there weren’t too many options when it came to us folks on this side of town.

“Anyway, you didn’t come here to listen to me bitch and moan. Come inside; let’s get out of this wind.”

We headed inside, the door slammed shut behind us, and Amy stepped out from the back hall. She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw us standing there, and I noticed the way her hands tightened around the handles of the takeout bags.

“Hey,” I said as I slid the toolbox onto the counter.

Jon gestured to the door that led to the bar’s storage room. “I’m just gonna go put this away and give you two a moment.”

Amy looked much better today than she had the last time I saw her, that was for sure. Her hair was combed and tied back into a ponytail, and she’d changed into clean clothes, jeans and a sweater, both which looked secondhand and about a size too big.

It was an improvement, though, as was the state of her face. The swelling around her cheek and eye had gone down, but the color was still a nasty, dark cloud following her around.

“Look, Jay,” she said, already on the defensive as she walked around the bar. “If you’re here to grill me about what happened this weekend, I don’t want to hear it.”

She placed the bags on the counter and began to unpack them, and I took a seat opposite her and shrugged. “I’m not here to grill you.”

She froze with her hand in the bag, suspicion swirling in her eyes. “You’re not?”

“Nope. I wanted to swing by and make sure you’re okay, that’s all.”

“Really?”

“Really.” I scanned her face and bit back the demand that she tell me the name of the fucker who did this to her. But I really was here to see how she was doing, and I wasn’t going to find that out unless I kept her talking. So I was going to do my best not to piss her off. “I just came by to see how you are.”

She placed one of the food containers down on the countertop and braced her hands on it. “You’re a terrible liar.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Yeah, you are.” She cocked her head to the side and ran her gaze over me. “Always have been. You look like hell, by the way.”

“It’s called lack of sleep, and you’re one to talk. Or are you busy avoiding mirrors these days?”

She rolled her eyes, brushing my words off in typical Amy fashion, as though this entire situation wasn’t a direct result of her own actions.

“I’ve looked.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.” She placed the final of the three containers on the counter. “Is what it is.”

God, as much as I loved her, some days I wanted to strangle her. She was my sister. I would do anything for her, and had in the past. But there was a whole lot more you could get away with as a juvenile than an adult, and when that status changed and I’d seen several of our friends get hauled away, I decided it was time to change. Only problem was that Amy hadn’t gotten that memo, and Amy did nothing the right way.

When the silence seemed too much for her, Amy tossed the utensils down on top of the containers and held her arms out to the side.

“I’m fine, see? So would you stop worrying about me?”

“Because it’s that easy.”

“Sure it is.” She crossed her arms and leaned against the bar. “You got a new job, a new apartment in a new zip code, a brand-new boyfriend…” Her lip curled with disdain. “Life’s looking up for you, brother—no need to look back down again.”

I knew what she was doing. She was being ugly in an attempt to push me away, and she knew how to push my buttons. How to zero in on my feelings of inadequacy.

That might’ve worked a few weeks ago, hell, maybe a few days ago. But somewhere in there, things had changed. Somewhere in there, I had changed.

“Yours could look different too. You just have to want it.”

“Yeah, because I don’t want it. I’m loving this life instead. Jesus, Jay, give it up, would you?”

“Is that what you want?”

Amy cursed. “Can we talk about something else?”

“Like?”

“I don’t know, anything. What about this new boyfriend of yours?” She arched a brow. “Hardly your usual type.”

“I have a type now?”

“You used to. And not some uptown rich guy, either.”

I bit back my knee-jerk reaction and reminded myself I’d thought the same thing when I met Ryan. Then I tried to defuse the conversation. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t I? So a tuxedo is your usual weekend getup now? Or just since you met him.” Amy smirked. “I’m sure he got a real kick coming over this side of town and playing the hero. Something he can tell all his friends about and make himself feel real good.”

“Stop it.” My jaw hurt from how hard I was clenching my teeth.

“Stop what?”

“Being so ugly. You’re better than that, and Ryan doesn’t deserve it.”

Amy narrowed her eyes and then spun away from me. She put a filter in the coffee machine then added the water and grounds before switching it on.

“So that’s his name? Ryan?”

“Yeah, and he’s one of the kindest, most genuine people I’ve ever met. He went out of his way to make sure you were okay this weekend.”

“I didn’t ask him to do that.”

“No, you didn’t. And neither did I. But he did it anyway. So maybe stop running your mouth for five seconds and try to see that there are good people out there.”

Amy shrugged. “Whatever. Can we eat now? I’m hungry.”

I knew that was her way of ending the conversation. I wouldn’t get any more out of her than that. Amy was wary of people trying to help. I’d been the same, but not anymore. Ryan had shown me that there were people you could trust, and people who would step up and help you even when you were doing everything in your power to push them away.

He was one of the best people I’d ever met, and he was quickly becoming the most important, and while that scared the hell out of me, I also couldn’t wait to see him tonight so I could tell him that.

OceanofPDF.com

Chapter 9

OceanofPDF.com

Ryan

I LOOKED AT the clock for the hundredth time that afternoon as I counted down the minutes until I was to meet up with Jameson for our dinner date.

Ever since he asked, I’d had this ball of nervous excitement in the pit of my stomach that I couldn’t shake. It wasn’t as though this was our first date, or even the first night we would go home and end up in the same bed together. But something felt different about tonight—I felt different. I was in love, and now that I knew that, I was bursting at the seams with my feelings on the subject, and it was getting harder and harder to contain.

“Ryan, did you track down Stephanie and find out whether Whitman will be here for tonight’s interview?”

My head snapped up at the sound of Alexander’s voice as he stepped out of his office. Dressed and ready for his broadcast tonight, he looked sharper than ever.

“I did. She said she would take him directly to Angela for the broadcast.”

“Fantastic. That works.” Alexander slipped his hand into the pocket of his jacket and frowned. “Have you seen my tie clip?”

I held up a finger, then slid open my top drawer and pulled out a small box. “Your other one broke last minute, so I had Saul send over a new one.”

Alexander took the small silver clip from the box. “You’re a lifesaver. Thank you.”

I dropped the box back into my drawer and pushed it shut with my leg.

“Did you change clothes?” Alexander asked. “I swear you were wearing a different shirt and suit today. Or am I going crazy?”

I chuckled and looked down at my crisp white shirt, pressed charcoal vest, and burgundy tie. “You’re not going crazy. I just finished getting changed. I’m going out to dinner tonight.”

“Are you now?”

I was just about to answer him when the sound of whispers began to float throughout the newsroom. There weren’t too many people left around at this time of night, but when I glanced in the direction of the doors to see what had caught my coworkers’ attention, the sight had my jaw falling to the floor.

There, striding down the aisles of the workstations and cubicles, was Jameson, and he looked sexy as hell.

The last thing I’d expected tonight when Jameson said he’d meet me downtown was for him to come to my office. But I wasn’t complaining, not one little bit. No, I was too busy trying to roll my tongue back into my mouth, because the man getting closer with every commanding stride was the hottest guy I’d ever seen in my life.

“Oh,” Alexander said by my ear. “I see why you changed now.”

Why I had changed? Why the hell had I added a vest? That was just one more layer Jameson would have to take off.

I swallowed as I tracked his approach, my eyes drinking in every sinful inch of him as he got closer. He was dressed in a black suit with an open-collar shirt, and his dark hair and matching scruff made my body instantly alert.

“Hey there, GQ.”

My cock throbbed in response to the way my nickname sounded on his tongue.

Alexander chuckled. “You need a minute to pick your jaw up off the floor, Ryan?”

Yes. “No, I—” I bit into my lower lip as I ran my eyes down Jameson’s long legs. Jesus, he filled those pants out well.

“Evening, Jameson.” Alexander held his hand out while I tried to remember how to speak. “It’s nice to see you again.”

If Jameson was uncomfortable in any way, he didn’t show it. “You too. I was just stopping by to see if Ryan was ready to leave for the night.”

“He is. I hear you’re going out to dinner.”

“That’s the plan. I owe him a date.” Jameson looked at me and winked, and my stomach flipped. “One where we make it to the end.”

Alexander slipped his hands into his pockets. “Well, I’m going to get out of your way. You two have a good night.”

All I managed was a nod in Alexander’s direction, which made him laugh as he waved and headed off toward the makeup department. Then I turned my attention back to Jameson.

“You’ve gone quiet on me, GQ. You doing okay?”

“I, um…” I took a step back and stumbled into my desk, making Jameson grin. “I’m good.”

He stopped between my legs and hooked a finger under my chin. I licked at my lips, the fact I was standing in an open newsroom full of people not even a blip on my radar.

Jameson lowered his head and brushed his lips across mine. “You look a whole lot better than good to me.”

I braced my hands on the desk so I wouldn’t grab him and pull him down on top of me. “Yeah? Well, you look…”

He kissed his way along my jaw to my ear. “How do I look?”

“Oh God, you expect me to talk?” I squeezed my eyes shut. “I can barely think right now.”

Jameson finally straightened, and the crooked smirk tugging at his lips made him even hotter. “I think I’m gonna take that as a compliment.”

I let out a shaky breath and ran a hand through my hair. “You should. I can barely remember my own name right now.”

“Don’t worry. I won’t let you forget it.” Jameson held his hand out and tugged me away from the desk. “I have a feeling I’ll be shouting it a whole lot later tonight.”

My heart pounded in time with my excited cock. I’d known this version of Jameson was in there; I’d seen it that first night we met—the confident, cocky bad boy. But after that, he’d been so busy protecting himself that he buried this side under all those tough layers.

Not anymore, apparently, and I was no match for this side of him. In fact, I was about to beg him to take me straight home.

“You ready?”

I was ready for something, all right. I just wasn’t sure it was dinner.

“Your cheeks are turning red. What are you thinking about?” Jameson chuckled. “Actually, don’t tell me. I made reservations, and I’d hate to cancel.”

I put my hands on his chest, pushing him back slightly. “Who are you and where is my boyfriend?”

Jameson tugged me back in until my body was flush against his, and that did nothing to help my flaming cheeks.

“Oh, I think you know exactly who I am, and I’m right here. Can’t you feel me?”

“Okay,” I said. “You need to stop that if you want to eat.”

Jameson’s grin turned wolfish.

“Food,” I added. “If you want to eat food.”

“Hmm, it’s a toss-up. I don’t know what I want more, food or—”

“Stop.” I laughed and shoved him in the arm. “Food first.”

Jameson smirked and picked up my jacket. As he held it out for me and I slipped my arms in the sleeves, he said by my ear, “Fine. Food first, your mouth second, your body third until I’ve had my fill. And GQ?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m really fucking hungry tonight.”

I sucked in a breath. “Me too.”

Jameson took my hand in his. “Then let’s go eat.”

THE STEAKHOUSE JAMESON had chosen was an elegant space that overlooked the Chicago River. A few brave souls were dining out on the deck tonight, but lucky for us, Jameson had reserved a spot inside by the window.

“This place is beautiful, Jameson.” As the host left our table, I looked out at the spectacular view of downtown, and all the buildings framing the river. They glittered in the night like diamonds and reflected off the water below, where boats were still able to cruise up and down for a few more weeks before the river began to freeze over.

“You’ve never been here before?”

I turned my attention back to the other spectacular view tonight, and I almost pinched myself to make sure this wasn’t a dream. Jameson looked absolutely devastating.

“No. This is my first time.”

“Well, let’s hope I can make it memorable for you.”

“I’m sure you will.” My cheeks flushed and I quickly ducked my head. As crazy as it was, I felt like a high schooler out on his first date. Jameson was making me feel…giddy.

“Are you blushing over there?”

“I’m… No.” I looked across at where he was lounged back in his seat looking all relaxed and sexy.

So. Damn. Sexy.

“I think you might be.”

“I— Look, you’re very…intense tonight.”

“Intense?” Jameson gave me another thorough once-over that made my cock instantly stand up and pay attention.

“Yes. My God.” I smoothed my hand down my tie. “How am I supposed to concentrate on anything when you look like that, and keep looking at me like that?”

“You’re not.” Jameson sat forward and leaned a little across the table. “But for my own curiosity, how am I looking at you?”

I slicked my tongue across my lip and shifted in my seat. “Like you’re about three seconds away from throwing me across this table.”

“More like one.”

I sucked in a breath and swallowed, my resolve to stay and enjoy our evening diminishing by the second. Just as I was about to suggest a quick exit, our waitress appeared at our table.

“Good evening, I’m Erin and I’ll be your waitress tonight. If you know what you’d like to drink, I can get those going for you while you look over the menus.”

Jameson gestured for me to go ahead, and I looked to Erin. “I’ll take a glass of the Frog’s Leap Merlot, please.”

Jameson nodded. “Actually, we’ll take the bottle, please.”

I opened my mouth to tell him that wasn’t necessary, the price of the bottle more than I wanted him to think he had to spend. But before I could get the words out, Erin had excused herself and headed off.

“You didn’t have to do that.”

“Do what?”

I leaned over the menu and whispered, “Buy the whole bottle. You have to drive us home tonight, and one glass was fine for me. You could’ve gotten a beer.”

“What are you trying to say? That I’m not the sophisticated wine-drinking type?”

“No. Not at all.” Oh God, had I just offended him?

“Good.” He smirked. “Because I’m craving something sophisticated on my tongue tonight. A glass of wine will be a nice start—you will be the perfect finish.”

The heat swirling in Jameson’s eyes had me reaching for my glass of water. “You’re in a real mood tonight.”

“The mood to have a good time. It’s an anomaly, I know, but tonight I decided to go with it.”

“Oh, I’m not complaining, and I’d like to think it had something to do with me. But since I haven’t seen you for the past twenty-four hours, I’m wondering if I should be worried about any of those firefighters you work so closely with.”

Jameson laughed, a full-bodied, relaxed laugh, with not an ounce of self-derision. It was truly wonderful.

“That would be a hard no about my crew, and you’re also wrong about yourself. My mood is one hundred percent about you. I’m out on a date with not only the most handsome man I’ve ever met, but also the most wonderful. I want to enjoy you tonight. Let me.”

I wasn’t about to say no to that. Instead, I placed my order, drank my wine, and had the best date of my life.

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Chapter 10

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Jameson

TONIGHT HAD BEEN perfect, and that wasn’t a word I used ever. Ryan stepped off the elevator ahead of me then glanced over his shoulder, a gorgeous smile on his handsome face as we began to walk down the hall. His eyes were practically sparkling with his enjoyment—and the several wines he’d consumed—and I’d never wanted him more.

In his tailored coat he looked every inch the successful, attractive businessman, and what was under that coat? Damn. I never imagined I’d be attracted to some fancy-dressing professional. But the charcoal vest and tie all pressed and buttoned up was hot as hell.

It’d been sheer torture to have his arms and legs wrapped around me on the back of the bike as we rode home. Now that we were here, it was all I could do not to throw him over my shoulder and carry him the rest of the way down this impossibly long hallway.

“Did you have a good time tonight, GQ?”

“The very best.” Ryan turned so he was walking backward down the hall, drawing me along with him, his eyes smiling in a way that made my cock really fucking excited. “I don’t want it to ever end.”

He unlocked the door and pushed it open, and once we were both inside, I pulled him into my arms. Ryan braced a hand on my chest, his breathing coming a little faster.

“Who said anything about it having to end?” I leaned in and kissed the corner of his mouth. “Dinner was just the appetizer.”

I flicked my tongue across his lower lip. I’d wanted to taste him all night. I slipped my tongue between his full lips, and the sweet taste of him and the dessert wine he’d consumed hit me.

It was like a shot of adrenaline straight to my veins. An instant aphrodisiac.

A growl of pleasure rumbled up inside of me as I tasted every inch of his delicious mouth. Ryan smoothed his hands up my jacket lapels and around to the back of my neck, and my hips bucked off the door.

Ryan moaned, the sound all but stroking my dick as our tongues teased one another, and I pulled him in until he was pressed up against me. There were about ten layers too many between my body and his, but I could still feel how hard he was as he rocked his erection up against mine.

I nipped at his lower lip, done with waiting to see and feel more, and shoved off the door, switching our positions quicker than he could blink.

Ryan sucked in a breath as his back hit the door, and I crowded in nice and close until I had one leg between his and my hands down unfastening his coat. His lips were red and swollen now, his cheeks hot and flushed, and when I got his coat open and reached for the button of his pants, Ryan tongued the top of his lip and jutted his hips forward.

I hummed, the arousal in his eyes urging me to continue, as I unzipped his pants and revealed his thick length straining against his briefs. “I’ve been wanting to do this from the moment I picked you up tonight.”

I shrugged out of my coat, and as I threw it over the coffee table behind me, Ryan chuckled.

“Something funny, GQ?” I turned back to see him eyeing my discarded jacket, then he gave me the cockiest look I’d ever seen.

“Nope. I was just thinking you look like you’re about to get down to business.”

I looked at him leaning against the door, his coat and pants hanging open like an invitation, and fingered the elastic of his briefs.

“Well, you’re not wrong. I’m definitely about to get down.” I flirted with the plump head of his dick and then whispered against his lips, “On my knees, to taste you. But first things first—I want these clothes gone.”

“Here?”

I nodded then reached for the buttons of his vest. “Mm-hmm, right here. I’m not letting you go anywhere until I get my hands, mouth, and body up against yours.”

When I reached for his tie, Ryan’s hand came up to halt me. “Promise?”

I wound his tie around my hand, tugged him forward, and ghosted my lips over his. “Swear it on my fucking life.”

I crushed my mouth to his in a kiss that made my toes curl, then slipped the tie free and went to work on his shirt buttons. When a wide strip of his body became visible, I stepped back to drink in the view, and the sight of him half-dressed and fully aroused had me reaching for my cock.

Ryan groaned as I rubbed the heel of my palm against my covered erection, and I knew exactly what I wanted next.

“GQ?”

“Hmm?”

“Get rid of the clothes.”

Ryan didn’t play coy, didn’t stop to tease—he shrugged out of the peacoat and tossed it aside quicker than I could blink, and the fact he hadn’t bothered with the coatrack let me know just how into this he was. His shirt was next, then he slipped his thumbs into the sides of his pants and shoved them and his briefs to his feet.

Fuck he was hot, so damn hot, and when he straightened to his full height completely naked, it took everything I had not to attack.

“Jesus. It should be a fucking sin to look as good as you do.”

Ryan wrapped his hand around his dick and gave it a nice, long stroke, pushing his hips off the door. I needed to get closer. Much, much closer.

I moved forward until I was only inches from him, then gave him a slow once-over before lowering to my knees. An excited whimper left Ryan as his eyes followed my descent. When I came face to face with what I wanted most, I reached out and brushed his hand away.

Ryan let go, and threaded his fingers through my hair, and gave a sharp twist and angled my face up to his. I saw a wicked flame flickering in his eyes. He was as on edge as I was, the urge to take and be taken riding the both of us. But I was determined. I wanted to taste him first.

With a firm hand I gave him several long strokes before I guided the sticky head of his cock to my lips. I flicked my tongue out, tasting the evidence of his arousal, and as the salty flavor hit my taste buds, I cursed.

He was fucking delicious, better than anything on the menu tonight, and I was in heaven. I aimed my eyes up his naked body, and the sight made me thankful I was already on the floor.

Ryan’s eyes were shut, his lips shiny and wet, and his hands were twisted in my hair. He looked like my every fantasy, and when I closed my lips around the tip of his dick, his mouth parted on a breathy moan that made my balls tingle.

“Jameson…”

I groaned as I took him in as deep as I could get him, and it must’ve felt good, because his fingers got tighter.

“Oh God. Jameson…”

I caught his heated stare as I slowly began to draw my lips off him, but Ryan wasn’t having any of that. He punched his hips forward, tunneling back inside the wet heat of my mouth, and let out a deep moan of satisfaction.

Yes, take what you want.

I smoothed a hand around one of his thighs and lifted it until Ryan draped it over my shoulder. Then I brought a hand up between his legs and gently squeezed his balls.

Ryan’s leg tightened, his heel digging into my back, then he began to set a fast, steady pace that made nothing else in the world matter. In and out, he used my mouth relentlessly, his fevered response getting me so hot my cock was making a mess inside my pants.

I closed my eyes and reveled in the blissful moans and heavy breathing coming from above, then committed them to memory and filed them under the hottest night of my life.

I could feel, smell, and hear Ryan’s excitement with every move he made. When he finally stiffened and twisted his fingers in my hair, the bite of pain only added to the spine-tingling pleasure I got when he finally exploded on my tongue.

I swallowed him down, greedy just like he was, then looked up. He looked nice and satisfied, but I was nowhere near done with him. In fact, I was just getting started.

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Chapter 11

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Ryan

AS JAMESON ROSE to his feet I tried to remember how to speak, but when his hands went to the button of his pants, words failed me. I had no idea how I was still standing, but I figured it was mostly the front door propping me up.

With the wine swirling through my veins and the sensual lethargy making my limbs feel relaxed, it was a miracle I hadn’t melted into a puddle on the floor. But I’d seen the possessive way Jameson looked at me from down on his knees, and I would not miss out on whatever he had planned next.

I could see the erection straining behind the black material of Jameson’s pants, and as he unbuttoned and unzipped, my spent cock once again took notice. I reached down to massage the throbbing between my thighs and bit down on my lip.

“You look awfully satisfied over there, GQ.”

He shrugged out of his shirt and tossed it aside, and I had a sudden urge to kiss and lick my way down his body. Only problem was that I couldn’t seem to remember how to move my feet.

Luckily for me, though, I’d found my tongue, and I was ready to play again. “I was…”

“Past tense, huh?” He plucked his wallet from his back pocket and pulled a packet of lube and a condom free. “Let’s see what I can do about that.”

He tossed his wallet aside then tore open the condom packet, and every move he made had my dick pounding a little harder.

I swallowed as Jameson hooked his thumbs into the sides of his pants, and as he shoved every last stitch of clothing free of his body, a moan of pleasure left me. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been so wound up. But with the condom in place and Jameson slicking up his dick, my body vibrated with the need to be touched, the need to be taken. It felt like years since I’d had his hands on me, when it had been minutes.

“Jameson…” My voice sounded breathy and ragged, even to my own ears.

“I know, GQ. I see what you need.” His dark eyes wandered down to the hand I was using on myself as I drank in the sinful sight of him. My cock was hard, my hand a sticky mess.

Jameson took a step closer and said, “Turn around.”

His lips curled into a dangerous smile that made my blood hum, then he held a finger up and motioned for me to turn. I let go of myself and straightened, and as soon as I turned my back, Jameson was on me.

He muscled in behind me, his naked body fitting against mine in all the right places until I was flush against the door. Then I felt the tip of his hot tongue flick across my shoulder as he whispered by my ear, “Put your hands on the door above your head.”

Oh. My. God.

I’d known Jameson was in a mood tonight. From the moment he’d turned up at ENN to the teasing and flirting throughout dinner, it was as though he’d let go of all restrictions and, for the first time ever, was reveling in the moment.

He kissed along my shoulder to the crook of my neck, where his beard tickled my sensitive skin, making me squirm. Jameson chuckled, and I felt his slippery fingers slide down the crack of my ass.

I sucked in a breath and widened my stance a little, wanting this more than ever, and as his fingers flirted with my hole, my body clenched in response. Jameson brought a hand up to where mine was flat against the door and pinned it in place.

“You like that, huh? My fingers inside you, stretching you nice and wide?” As Jameson’s words washed over me, he slid his index finger free and dragged his thumb across my entrance.

I all but climbed the door in my excitement, knowing the pleasure I was about to get from finally having him inside me would be out of this world.

“But I gotta tell you, GQ. You keep rubbing this sweet ass all up on me, and this is gonna be over before it even begins.”

“No…” I shook my head and instantly stilled when I felt Jameson remove his hand. But then he rolled his hips forward and wedged his cock between my cheeks, and I squeezed my eyes shut.

“Agreed. We can’t fucking have that. I’ve been dying for you all night.” He growled in my ear as he began to grind into me from behind, slicking me up, getting me ready. “Spread your legs for me.”

I did what he said, wanting him more than I’d ever wanted anything in my life, and when the wide head of his cock nudged at my body, I dug my fingers into the wood of the door.

Jameson scraped his teeth along my shoulder as he curled his fingers around mine and pushed forward. As his thick length slid inside me, I pressed my forehead to the door and bore back on him.

“Fucking hell,” Jameson said by my ear as he bottomed out and stilled behind me. My entire body trembled with the need to let go, as we stood there connected in the most elemental way possible.

“Jameson… I…” I turned my head and felt his lips on my hot cheek as he kissed his way to my ear.

“I got you, GQ. Hang on.”

I wasn’t sure what exactly he wanted me to hang on to, but I knew what I did. As I braced myself with one hand, I wrapped the other around my aching dick. I was as hard as I had been the first go around, and as Jameson slowly pulled out of me, I began to stroke.

I was on sensory overload. With Jameson’s body all around and inside mine, and his breath hot on my skin, it was all I could do to stand upright as he tunneled back inside. I shouted out, loud enough I was sure the neighbors heard, but at this stage I didn’t care. His body was strong, powerful, and in total control of mine as he held me pinned in place against our front door and moved inside of me in a way that I knew I’d feel tomorrow.

“Christ, Ryan…”

Goosebumps broke out over my skin at the use of my given name. Jameson let go of my hand and smoothed his palm down my side to my ass. He had both hands on my hips now as he pumped in and out of me, and I felt his lips move to the top of my spine.

“It’s always so good with you, so fucking right…” He gripped my hips tight, to where his fingers would no doubt leave marks, and as he stiffened behind me, Jameson wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me back, thrusting in deep.

I let out a moan as we stilled like that, then Jameson put his lips to my temple and said, “I love being inside you, being with you. Want to be like this forever.”

My heart felt close to bursting, the confession revealing so much more than he’d ever said before. Then he reached down and wrapped one of his hands around mine, and his body began to vibrate against me.

Jameson pumped in and out of me as I leaned back against his strong body, and as the two of us finally fell apart in each other’s arms, I knew we were exactly where we were meant to be.

Fate had led us to this moment, and I truly believed that love was going to keep us here.

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Chapter 12

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Ryan

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK.

The loud interruption to my Thursday night TV made me look at the clock. I wasn’t expecting anyone, and with Jameson at work, I’d planned to make an early dinner and call it a night. But just as I was about to mute the TV and pretend no one was home, the knocking started up again. “Open the door, Ryan! I know you’re in there.”

Gabe. Shit. With everything that had gone on this week, I’d completely forgotten to call him back, and when I looked at my phone and saw a text saying, I know you’re watching that cop drama of yours. Let me in, I knew there was no way of getting out of this.

I tossed my phone on the cushion beside me and got to my feet, running through all the possible excuses I could use as to why I hadn’t gotten back to him over the past couple of days, but there wasn’t a good one. So I was going to have to suck it up and deal with Gabe’s ire.

When I pulled open the door, I found my best friend and ex-roommate leaning against the frame in a grey suit. He’d obviously come straight from the office, because Gabe wouldn’t be caught dead in a suit otherwise.

“Well, praise the Lord, he is alive.”

I rolled my eyes as Gabe strolled into what used to be his place, relaxed as ever. He looked around the living room as I shut the door behind him.

“Jameson here?”

I shook my head and crossed over to the loveseat to sit back down. “He’s on shift tonight. Won’t be back until the morning.”

Gabe slowly nodded and wandered to the bedroom that used to belong to him. He peered inside and then slipped his hands into his pockets and turned back to face me, eyebrow arched.

“You change your number?”

Oh shit, here we go. “No. I—”

“Your phone broken?”

I sighed. “No.”

“Your fingers? I know how debilitating that can be, so if that’s the case…”

I glared at him. “None of the above, okay? I should’ve called you back.”

“Or texted.”

“Or texted. I sent you one the night of the event.”

“Uh, that was almost a week ago.” Gabe ran a hand through his hair and let out a sigh. “I’m not trying to be nosy or anything—”

“You’re not?”

“No. I’m checking in on my friend who I was worried about because I hadn’t seen or heard from him for several days.”

“Oh, okay.” I crossed my arms and put my feet up on the coffee table. “Kind of like the time you moved in with a guy who was bribing you, and basically vanished.”

“That was different.” Gabe took a seat. “You knew Marcus.”

“Like that helps your argument. Marcus is intimidating, cutthroat, and—”

“Be careful now. That’s the man I love you’re talking about.”

“And Jameson is the man that I lo—” I clamped my mouth shut when I realized what I’d been about to say.

“Excuse me, what was that you were saying?”

“I— Nothing. I didn’t say anything.”

Gabe’s lips curved and those damn dimples of his appeared. Was there anyone alive who could resist those?

“You were about tooo.”

“No, I wasn’t.”

Up went the eyebrow again. “You got wine in this place? I know you’ve got wine.”

Gabe walked to the kitchen and opened the fridge.

“Ah, there we go, a Sauvignon Blanc. Damn, look how organized this thing is.”

That made me laugh. “Yeah, Jameson keeps a tidy fridge and house.”

Gabe straightened and glanced at me over the door. “You saying he’s a better roommate than me?”

“I’m saying he’s a hell of a lot neater than you.” I grinned. “And sexier.”

Gabe snorted and grabbed two glasses. “If you like the bad-boy type.”

I opened my mouth to refute that, and Gabe shoved the glasses my way.

“Don’t even try to get out of this conversation. Just take a glass, drink the wine, and get ready to talk. Because I’m not leaving until you do.”

I held the glasses steady as he poured, trying to swallow back my nerves. The idea of finally telling someone everything I’d been keeping bottled up was both exciting and nerve-racking.

“Okay.” Gabe placed the bottle on the table, took a glass for himself, and then sat down on the loveseat beside me. “Start talking.”

I chuckled and took a sip of my wine. “When did you get so bossy?”

“You really have to ask? You try living with Marcus without learning to put your foot down every now and then.”

“Fair point.”

“Sooo, talk.”

I took in a breath then let out a long sigh. “I don’t really know where to start.”

Gabe cocked his head to the side. “How about where you rushed out of the charity event to chase down your man? That seems like a good spot.”

I grimaced. “Not really. That was a pretty rough night. But you know that; you were there, and I don’t really want to rehash all the gory details.”

Gabe narrowed his eyes, and I could see that he wanted to know more, but when I took a sip of my wine and remained stubbornly quiet, he let it go.

“Okay, but that was days ago, almost a week. It’s not like you to just fall off the radar. Did you two work everything out? Are things okay here?”

I couldn’t help the smile that appeared when I thought about the amazing date we’d had the other night. “Things are…great.”

Gabe scoffed. “Great? That’s it? If you think for even a minute I’m letting you off with that, you can forget it.”

I took another sip, this time for liquid courage, then twisted on the seat until I was facing him. “Okay then, can I ask you a question?”

“I love questions. Shoot.”

I ran over the words in my mind, trying to see if there was a way to say what I wanted to without actually saying it. But in the end, I decided to just take the plunge.

“How did you know you were in love with Marcus?”

Gabe’s hand froze, his glass halfway to his mouth, and I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Are you speechless? Have I actually rendered you, Gabe Romero, speechless?”

“I’m just…” He blinked and shook his head. “I’m sorry. Did you just ask me how I knew I was in love? Like you think…”

“That I might be? Yeah. Except there’s no thinking, not really. I’m pretty sure, it’s just…I’ve never really felt like this, so—”

“You want to know if you’re right?” Gabe grinned and shrugged. “I mean, I imagine it’s different for everyone, but I knew for sure when I thought Marcus was going to move to New York. The idea of him being so far away, of not being able to see him every day? That was horrifying. Then someone very wise—although I will never admit that to his face—told me something that I’ll never forget: being in love is one of the scariest things in the world because of the chance you might lose it. The question is, do you want to risk it?”

I swallowed as I thought of all that I could lose if I put my heart out there. But then again, I could be losing out on the great love of my life if I didn’t.

Gabe reached out and gently touched my knee. “What is it? I can see the wheels turning.”

I took a long gulp of my wine, draining my glass. “It’s just… It’s a lot, you know? Handing over your heart and hoping it doesn’t get broken.”

I blew out a breath and aimed a self-deprecating grin his way, and Gabe’s expression softened.

“I know, and in many ways it’s even harder for you. Jameson’s job is high risk—that in itself is a lot to deal with. But add in feelings for that person, add in loving that person? I can’t imagine… The question is, do you want to risk it?”

I thought about the sudden gut-wrenching fear I felt the other morning when Jameson had walked out the door for work. The new worry in the back of my mind, knowing what he might have to do and if I’d see him again later that night.

It had come out of the blue, surprised me with its intensity, but on the heels of that came a realization. “I don’t have a choice anymore. I love Jameson, and I’m not going to let fear rule my life.”

“Well then.” Gabe reached for the bottle of wine and refilled my glass. “The only question left is, when are you going to tell him?”

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Chapter 13

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Jameson

I STARED AT the blank page of my spiral notepad and wondered for the millionth time what the hell Olsen had been thinking sending me and Brumm to give a speech at the local high school.

It had to be some kind of punishment, right? A test for the newbie, maybe some kind of initiation? Considering the amount of grumbling Brumm had done when Olsen told him about our little high school reunion, I was leaning toward the punishment angle.

Not that it mattered—we had to do it one way or another. So we’d decided to come up with several talking points each and get together next shift to talk them over.

So far, I had nothing.

What the hell did I know about talking to kids? Especially teenagers. I couldn’t think of anything more boring than listening to me yammer on, and I was finding it difficult to imagine Brumm getting through one sentence without dropping an F-bomb.

This had disaster written all over it. I could go through our uniforms and equipment and the trucks, but ugh, that just seemed so done. I sighed and tossed the pad and pencil on the coffee table, frustrated. I’d been sitting here for nearly an hour and gotten absolutely nowhere. Exactly what I wanted to be doing on my day off.

I got to my feet and headed into the kitchen to hunt for some lunch. Ryan had stocked up last night, so I pulled out some deli ham and cheese and went to work making myself a sandwich.

It was Friday, and I was off until Sunday morning and couldn’t wait to start my weekend with Ryan. After our date earlier this week, I’d found myself counting down the hours until I could get him alone again and spend some quality time together. That was why I’d been doing my best to get this speech written before he got home tonight. That way I wouldn’t have to waste any time on things that didn’t involve the both of us…preferably naked.

I cut a roll and grabbed a packet of Doritos, sat back down on the couch, and picked up my notepad for round two, but my phone began to ring.

Saved by the bell. Thank God.

But when I saw Jon’s number on my screen, my stomach dropped.

After my last visit there at the beginning of the week, I’d decided to do what Jon suggested and give Amy a little bit of breathing room. I figured it would be best to let her have her space and just check in with Jon each night to make sure she was doing okay.

We’d done this via text so she wouldn’t get bent out of shape from my hovering, and as far as I knew, she’d been on the mend. So the fact that Jon was calling me now had my senses on high alert.

I hit answer and brought my cell to my ear. “Jon, hey, how’s it going?”

“Hey, Jameson.”

Ah fuck. I could tell by Jon’s tone that whatever he was calling about was nothing good. So I shut my eyes and asked, “What’s wrong?” No point in dragging this shit out.

“I don’t know that anything is wrong, not really. It’s just…”

When Jon’s words drifted off, it didn’t take a genius to know where this was going. “She took off, didn’t she?”

When Jon said nothing, I knew I was spot on. I got to my feet and began to pace. “When?”

“Sometime between last night and this morning.”

“And you’re just calling me now?”

“I thought she might come back. Gimme a break, Jameson. I’m not a prison warden. But when she didn’t show for lunch, I figured it was time to reach out.”

“Fuck.” I rubbed a hand over my face and wondered why the hell I always did this to myself. Why did I continue to try to save Amy when it was pretty damn obvious she didn’t want to be saved? “Did she leave anything? Say anything about where she might be going?”

“No. She’s been pretty quiet, other than a few choice words here and there about being in jail.”

“That’s where I should’ve taken her. A clinic, and then the damn cops. At least then I’d know she was safe.”

“I’m sorry, man. Really.”

“Why?” I scoffed. “It’s not your fault, and let’s be real, it’s not like this is the first time she’s pulled this shit. I just wish she would stop and think about someone else for once in her life. Is that too much to ask?”

Of course it was. Life had been going a little too smoothly for me these last few days. I should’ve known better.

When I got to the far side of the living room by the coatrack, I glanced down at the box holding Simon’s things and felt a burst of anger rise. Then I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to bank the bone-deep disappointment that followed.

Amy, Simon, my parents… They all left in the end. That was the story of my life. So why the hell was I so shocked now? Maybe it was the fact I’d taken my eye off the target for two seconds and let my guard down. I’d allowed myself to be happy for once, only to be blindsided. Well, that’d teach me, wouldn’t it?

“Jameson? Look, are you off tonight? Why don’t you and Ryan come this way? We can put our heads together, see if we can come up with where she might’ve gone.”

“No.” I ground my molars and shook my head. “She wanted to leave. That’s on her. I can’t spend my whole life trying to save her, Jon.”

“I know.”

“I gotta go.”

“Jameson—”

“I’ll talk to you later.” I ended the call and tossed my phone on the coffee table, then looked at Simon’s box again. I needed to get that out of here. No good was going to come from rehashing the past, other than the fact that I couldn’t save Simon either.

I walked over to where it sat against the wall and went to pick it up, and just as I did, the damn thing gave out at the bottom. Fuck. I stared at the contents now lying at my feet and was tempted to just leave them there. This day was really turning on its ass, and the last thing I wanted or needed to do was go for a walk down this path.

I dropped the broken box to the floor before I crouched down, about to scoop up all the stuff and toss it behind a closed door somewhere. That was when my eyes landed on something catching the light—something I thought I’d never see again.

I moved aside a uniform shirt that had fallen free, and there, sitting on the hardwood floor, was a small metal pin. My chest tightened and it became hard to breathe as images from the past flashed before my eyes.

Where the hell had that come from? I thought…I thought it’d been lost that day.

My hand shook as I reached for the pin, and as my fingers curled around the cool metal, my legs gave out. I fell to the floor, my eyes blurring as I brushed my thumb over the top of the red helmet and two axes. The pain and guilt flooded in from all sides now.

I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t have this here—have him here. Thinking otherwise had been a mistake.

I clamped my hand shut, as though that would somehow banish Simon from my mind. But it was no use as I sat there amongst his things. They were a scattered reminder of my past, and this pin was a reminder of my biggest failure.

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Chapter 14

OceanofPDF.com

Ryan

“SEE YOU MONDAY!” I called out, and didn’t bother waiting around for a response as I made a beeline for the elevators.

It wasn’t often Alexander let his staff leave early, and even less often that he let me. So when he told me I could leave at noon for the first time maybe ever, I didn’t wait around for him to change his mind.

It was Jameson’s weekend off—my Friday acting as his Saturday—and if I could get a couple more hours with him before he headed back to the fire station, I wouldn’t let them pass me by.

When the elevator dinged and the doors slid open, I all but ran inside, as though it would somehow get me down to the parking garage faster. I hit the button, then was about to call Jameson when I thought better of it.

I was going to surprise him. Maybe I could even stop by that boutique bakery Alexander was obsessed with, the one with the apple turnovers. I could pick us up something sweet, something Jameson just might have to lick off me.

Oh yes, I like that idea.

I pocketed my cell, headed to my car, then made the short drive to the bakery.

I decided on half a dozen cupcakes and these cute little morsels they called “frosting shots.” If that didn’t scream, Paint me all over and lick me clean, I don’t know what did.

With my goodies in hand, I dashed back to my parking spot, climbed in, buckled up, and cranked the music. I was in a good mood, and with the sun shining and nothing but alone time with Jameson in my future, I couldn’t wait to get home.

Luckily for me, that didn’t take longer than a handful of minutes, and before I knew it, I was walking down the hall to our apartment. When I reached the door, I balanced the bakery box in one hand and unlocked it with the other. I juggled the items and pressed down on the handle, but nearly lost my balance and fell inside the apartment in an effort to keep the sweets from taking a nosedive.

“Shit.” I chuckled as I caught myself at the last second and straightened, and then I spotted Jameson just inside the door…sitting on the floor.

Huh, that was odd. With all the commotion, I would’ve thought he’d look up. But when he remained frozen in place, I walked into the living room and slid the box onto the coffee table.

“Jameson?” Still nothing.

Any excitement I’d been feeling earlier suddenly turned to concern, and that was when I saw it: the empty box sitting to Jameson’s left, and all around him the contents of that box—Simon’s box.

Oh no. I wasn’t sure what exactly had happened, but as I got closer, I saw Jameson sitting cross-legged, staring at the wall. I glanced at the objects around him: a blue uniform shirt, a couple of books, a pair of boots, and an old tin box. Then I noticed he was holding something in his hand, his fingers wrapped so tightly around the object that his knuckles were white.

I could hear the blood ringing in my ears as I wondered how to best approach him. I knew this subject was a painful one, a memory he’d buried so deep that it only came out when he wasn’t conscious enough to fight it off. But I also knew I couldn’t let him suffer through this—whatever this was—alone.

I stopped beside him, careful not to disturb the items on the floor, and slowly crouched down next to him.

“Jameson?” I said gently, keeping my eyes trained on him. He swallowed but didn’t look my way as the muscle in his jaw twitched. He was all but vibrating with the emotions rolling off him, the pain and heartache screaming in the deafening silence.

I ran my eyes down over him to make sure he wasn’t hurt anywhere, not actually knowing what had happened before he ended up here. Once I was satisfied he was physically okay, I unbuttoned my coat and sat on the floor beside him.

I knew I had to tread carefully, and I didn’t want to push him into a conversation he wasn’t ready to have, but it was clear something had triggered him and I couldn’t stand to see him suffer.

“Hey you,” I said, trying a different tactic. “Whatcha doing sitting down here?”

Jameson blinked. Finally, some kind of reaction, a response. Then he turned his head in my direction, and it took everything I had to school my face to neutral when I saw the absolute devastation written across his features.

“Hi,” I whispered. “You been sitting here long?”

It was like I was talking to a complete stranger as Jameson’s eyes drifted off over my shoulder. The distance in his stare was something I’d never seen before, and I slowly reached a hand out to bring him back to me.

When I had his attention again, I gestured to his clenched fist, worried that whatever he was holding would cause damage to his hand.

“What’ve you got there?”

Jameson’s jaw bunched as he looked down at his fist, and my heart thumped. Was I pushing too hard? Would he tell me to back off? But when he just sat there staring at it, I knew I had to keep going.

“Will you show me? You don’t have to if you don’t want to…”

Jameson’s eyes turned glassy, and I had to bite back my own emotions. Something had deeply triggered him. Whatever was in his hand had thrown him right off course, and I would do whatever it took to help guide him home.

“It’s okay, Jameson.” I brushed my thumb over his knuckles. “I’m right here with you. Will you show me?”

He glanced down at our hands again, and when he slowly turned it over, I let go so he could open his fist. A small metal pin came into view, and I didn’t have to ask whose it was.

“He was wearing it.” Jameson’s voice was so low I almost missed it. “That day…he was wearing this.”

My eyes blurred as I tried to comprehend for even a second what seeing this had made him feel, but it was impossible. I couldn’t begin to imagine what he went through that day. But I was here now, and I could listen. I could be the light to guide him through this darkness.

“This was Simon’s?” I made sure to say his name this time, to finally bring into the room the one who wasn’t here to speak for himself.

Jameson nodded then swallowed, his body wound tighter than a tripwire.

“I…I don’t know how it got here. I thought—”

“You thought it was lost that day too?”

“Yeah.” Jameson’s fingers closed around the pin. “I haven’t seen this since that morning, and I…I never thought I would again.”

“Will you tell me what happened?” I placed my hand over his, and as a tear fell down Jameson’s cheek, I tightened my hold. “I’ll be right here with you. Tell me about that day. Tell me about Simon…”

OceanofPDF.com

Chapter 15

OceanofPDF.com

Jameson

“WILL YOU TELL me what happened?”

It seemed like such an easy request, but it felt impossible. How did you put into words the most painful day of your life? How did you explain that for days after, you wanted to end it all?

I closed my eyes in an effort to make the memories stop flooding in, but it was no use. I was already there, pulled back to a day I wished I could forget…

“So come on, you gonna call this Trey, Tim— What’s his name?”

I glanced across the car at my best friend Simon Reagan, who was more like a brother than a friend. “Tyler?”

“Yeah, that’s it. You gonna give him a call back or what? You two seemed pretty hot and heavy last night.”

“Aw, were you listening with a glass against your bedroom wall again? How many times have I gotta tell you, if you wanna join in, you just have to ask.”

“I’ll pass, but who needs a glass? I could hear him even over the goddamn train. I swear to God, Jay, what is it with you and the screamers? Maybe you should think about using a ball gag or something.”

I snorted. “Maybe you should invest in some earplugs.”

“Tried those, they didn’t work, and a man’s gotta sleep. I have work today.”

Which was exactly where we were headed right now—fire station 23. Not only had I been putting up with Simon’s mouth since we were troublemaking kids, I also had to deal with it when we clocked in to work.

“Well…” I side-eyed the grinning fool and smirked. “Maybe if you take over kitchen duty at the station tonight, I might get you some of those noise-canceling headphones on our next day off.”

Simon shifted in his seat, his eyes popping wide. “You serious? Those Bose ones? Silver?”

“Wow, you had those right at the ready, huh?”

“Look, I’ve been dealing with you and your hookups ever since you discovered guys like a bad boy with a motorbike over a decade ago. You owe me a good pair of headphones.”

“I don’t owe you shit. Don’t act like you want someone in your bed that’s all quiet and well behaved.”

“I don’t want them to lie there like a dead fish, but some of these guys you meet…” Simon let out a breath. “You could do so much better.”

I shook my head. “It’s just sex, Si. A hookup. Not a happily-ever-after. You know how I feel about that.”

“I know, I know. You’ve lived too long in the real world to go chasing after some bullshit fantasy. But you know what? If anyone deserves a happily-ever-after, it’s you.”

The car fell silent, and when I glanced at him, Simon puckered up and batted his lashes at me.

“Idiot.”

“Aw, don’t be like that. You know you love me.”

“Yeah, yeah.” I pulled into a spot at the fire station and climbed out of the car. “About those headphones… I think I changed my mind. I’m just gonna cook for the guys tonight.”

“What? No. Now that’s some bullshit right there.” Simon shoved me in the arm as we walked into the locker room and tossed our bags inside. “You can’t do a take-back like that.”

“Like what?” Jeffries, our lieutenant, asked as he shut his locker.

“Jay’s trying to walk back a deal on a pair of headphones he just promised.”

“Another screamer, huh?”

My head jerked in my LT’s direction.

“What? Just ’cause I don’t start the gossip doesn’t mean I don’t hear it.”

I turned accusing eyes Simon’s way. “And now you’re really not getting them.”

Simon crossed his arms and shook his head. “I call bullshit.”

“And I say tough shit. So you better find a date tomorrow night or some really good fucking earplugs.”

Jeffries chuckled.

“You can’t be serious,” Simon said. “You already have another date lined-up?”

I was about to tell him that I didn’t “date,” but before I could, the first alarm of shift blared overhead.

“Oh, would you look at that?” I said as I brushed past him. “Time to go.”

“I’m sorry?” Simon shouted behind me as the three of us jogged to the app bay. “I thought you said something, but I’m a little hard of hearing after last night!”

Simon continued to give me shit the entire way to our first call, making sure to include several of our crewmates in the ribbing. By the time we got the scene, I was ready to fling myself headfirst into the flames.

“Right, listen up,” the chief barked as we all stared at the ranch house where angry black plumes of smoke billowed into the cold Chicago morning. “We’ve got a working fire in the kitchen that’s already in the attic. We need to get in there and see if anyone’s inside, then we knock it out. Got it?”

“Yes, sir,” we chorused, then waited for our individual orders from our lieutenant.

“Harding, Knowles, get lines on the house. Pritchard, you and Hall take the kitchen round back with me. Clarke and Reagan, conduct the preliminary search. Be careful, it looks angry.”

We all nodded and began donning our masks and helmets.

“Lucky pin?” I asked, flicking the rookie pin that we’d gotten back in our teens on Simon’s jacket.

“I figured I should double my chances out here, since it’s clear I’m not getting lucky anywhere else, like you.”

I chuckled and flipped Simon off as we headed to the front door. The second we set foot in the home we were immediately hit with high heat and heavy, dense smoke that made my stomach twist and a feeling of dread wash over me.

This wasn’t right. My gut told me the situation was much more volatile than a fire in the kitchen and attic. But before I could say so, Simon was making his way up the hall.

“Fire department, call out!” he shouted as the floor creaked under our feet.

We moved inside the home, checking the living room and then the dining. When no one responded, we met up in the foyer.

Simon gestured up the hall again. “Gonna head to the kitchen, get eyes on the fire and see if we can locate—”

It all happened within the blink of an eye. The floor disintegrated like sand beneath Simon’s feet, and as a wave of flames seemed to rise and swallow him in one big gulp, Jeffries came over the radio relaying there was a walkout basement involved. Fuck.

“Reagan!”

My feet froze. I didn’t know whether the rest of the boards were about to disappear under me. I did a frantic sweep of the gaping hole, and my brain tried to make sense of what was happening, of what I was seeing.

“Reagan? Reagan! Can you hear me?”

My heart hammered as I assessed my immediate danger, and when I felt confident the floor wasn’t about to give, I dropped to my knees by the edge of the gaping hole and heard two words I never wanted to hear come across the radio.

“Emergency traffic! Emergency traffic!”

What the fuck?

“Mayday! Mayday!” Simon said. “It’s… There’s a basement. Heavy fire blocking the doors. I’m trapped in a basement. It’s gotta be old. Back walkout’s blocked.”

A basement? This kind of house didn’t usually have a—

“Looks like some kind of”—Simon started to cough—“cellar? I think.”

Jesus fucking Christ.

Chief acknowledged Simon’s call, his voice calm and reassuring as he activated our RIT team, and my mind went into overdrive.

This couldn’t be happening. It couldn’t fucking be happening. I was trained to run into some of the most terrifying situations a person could face, to assess the danger and risks and make a smart call. But as Simon’s words played on repeat in my head—Heavy fire blocking the doors. I’m trapped—that all flew out the window. All I could think about was getting him the hell out.

I tested the boards under me with my gloved hands and could feel the blistering heat from below as I tried to ascertain whether it would hold me. Then I moved to my stomach and shifted to the edge of the wide opening.

As I peered into the basement, the light on my helmet caught the eerie grey and orange hue of the smoke as it billowed out the new opening. Then my eyes caught on movement.

“Reagan? Up here.”

Simon climbed over the splintered wood of the living room that was now lying on the cellar floor. I hung over the edge of the remaining floorboards as he reached up and our hands connected.

I wrapped my fingers around his in a silent message of hope, a message that help was coming and we would get him out.

“You hurt anywhere?” I shouted, the fire still roaring up the back half of the house.

“Don’t think so. Fire’s bad, Jay.”

I could just make out his face through the smoke and his mask, but for the first time in all our years on the job, I could see real fear in his eyes. The same fear that was making my gut twist.

“Don’t think about that. Can you see another way out? Are there stairs up into the house?”

Please God, let there be fucking stairs.

Simon let go of my hand, and I almost grabbed it back as he took a second to look around before reaching for me again.

“No stairs, just the cellar doors, but they’re blocked. The fire is eating up that side, and I don’t see any way—”

“Hey.” I cut him off before the panic could set it. The last thing he needed to do was let fear and terror take over his ability to think through possible escape scenarios. “Look at me. We’ll get you.”

Just as those words left my mouth, a loud crash reverberated up the hall as part of the roof collapsed in on the kitchen. Flames and embers exploded only feet from me, and as I ducked my head to protect myself, Simon’s hand slipped free.

The second I felt him let go, my head snapped back up and I forgot about the threat to myself as I squinted, doing my best to see through the black smoke. But there was nothing. I couldn’t see fucking anything, and the floorboards I was stretched out on were now burning through my gear.

This was not good. In fact, it was really fucking bad.

“Reagan!” I shouted, the ringing in my ears accompanying my thumping heart as the fire hissed and crackled around me.

Then it happened. The loud, distinct sound of a firefighter down pierced the air. Simon’s PASS had activated, and the high-pitched alarm was like a gunshot to the heart. I crawled closer to the edge of the hole, and this time when I looked down, all I could see was flames.

“Reagan!”

All common sense left me as his PASS continued to alert, and just when I was about to say “fuck it” and go in after my brother, the evacuation signal blasted from the air horns on the trucks outside and the chief came over the radio.

“Command to all units, evacuate the structure.”

No. No fucking way.

I looked around for something to anchor a rope to, some way to lower myself to the cellar even as the unmistakable signal blasted throughout the air again, then a hand landed on my shoulder—Lieutenant Jeffries.

“Time to go, Clarke.”

Was he fucking kidding? I wasn’t leaving. That was Simon down there.

“Get off me,” I barked, and yanked my shoulder away, getting to my feet.

“Clarke, it’s time to go. Evacuate. Now.”

Smoke billowed around us, growing thicker by the second. “I’m not leaving, not without Reagan.”

As I went to push past him, Jeffries grabbed me by the jacket and shook me.

“You’re burned, this place is a fucking deathtrap, and you are going to exit this structure with me right now, Clarke. That’s a goddamn order!”

“Not. Without. Reagan.”

“We’ll come back for him.”

“Fuck you.”

“Clarke…?” The faint sound of my name over the radio followed by a cough made me look back down the hole, but it was no use. The flames had eaten up the space until it resembled the mouth of hell.

“Reagan? I’m still here.”

“I… I can’t find a way out…”

The fear in his voice had all the fight leaving me as heartache gripped me, the inevitable something I wasn’t ready to accept, even as it became clear.

“That’s okay. We’ll find another way.”

“There…there is no other way.”

My eyes blurred as command’s order again blasted over the radio and Jeffries, and someone else, hooked an arm around each of my elbows and started towing me toward the door.

“We’ll find a way! You just hang on.”

“It’s okay, Jay… I’m okay.”

As my boots were dragged over the front door and I was pulled free of the house, I stared up at the blazing inferno as bile rose in my throat.

What the hell was I doing out here? Simon was still in there.

“Simon? Si?” I said as my heart lodged itself in my throat.

Come on, answer me… Answer me, damn it.

“Here.” He coughed a little, much quieter this time. He was fading. “I’m still here.”

A hand landed on my shoulder—whose, I couldn’t tell you—as I stared at the monster wreaking havoc on my heart, and I sucked back the pain threatening to consume me.

“You don’t get leave like this. You hear me? We promised.”

He half coughed, half laughed. “Pretty stupid promise.”

I squeezed my eyes shut and nodded. It was a really stupid fucking promise. One made by young kids vowing to have each other’s back—no matter what. So why the fuck was I standing out here on the grass?

“I love you, Jay…”

Tears rolled down my cheeks as I shook my head, my denial strong. Then a loud boom sounded as the roof of the home caved in and the radio fell silent.

A pained cry ripped from me as the fire engulfed the structure, and I fell to my knees, rocking back and forth, the words “Don’t leave” all I could say for hours…days after.

“Oh, Jameson…” The soothing sound of Ryan’s voice pulled me back into the present. “It wasn’t your fault.”

“I left him there.”

“No.”

“Yes.” I nodded, the tears flowing freely down my face now. “I left him in there.”

“You were ordered to evacuate. If you had stayed or gone in any further, you would’ve—”

“Died too? Maybe that would’ve been better. At least then I wouldn’t feel this paralyzing guilt, this soul-crushing grief every time I think I’m starting to get past it.” My breath shook. “This pain never goes away. It never gets easier. He’s gone, and I don’t know why I’m still here.”

Ryan shifted to his knees and reached for my cheek. “Maybe the why isn’t what you focus on, but the fact that you are.”

I turned to look at Simon’s things scattered on the floor around us. “I can’t believe that this is all I’m left with.” I blinked back tears. “That this is all I have left of him.”

“This isn’t all you have,” Ryan whispered. “You have your memories of him. Of the two of you running around the streets and getting in trouble. Sneaking up on top of the old grocery store when you weren’t supposed to. You were there for each other when no one else was. You have so much more than what’s here on the floor, Jameson. Simon lives inside you. His bravery, his strength, his love and friendship. He’d want you to remember that.”

Ryan gently brought my face back to his.

“I can’t begin to understand what you went through that day; no one can. But I don’t believe for a second that Simon would blame you for it. He wouldn’t want you to take that guilt on. He wouldn’t want you to be miserable for the rest of your life. You two joined the fire department to give yourself a brighter future. He wouldn’t want to take that from you.”

I nodded, Ryan’s words hitting close to home, and felt some of the heaviness begin to lift.

“You went through a lot growing up. You were more than friends; you were each other’s family. And I’m so sorry I never got to meet your brother.”

“I’m sorry too. He would’ve really liked you.”

“You think?”

“Yeah.” I wiped at my wet cheeks. “Come here. I need to hold you.”

Ryan shifted into my lap, and I wrapped my arms around his waist and placed a kiss to the side of his neck. “I think I needed this. I’m glad you were here.”

Ryan placed his hands over mine. “So am I.”

“I just— I don’t know. I wish there was some way I could honor him. Maybe then I’d be able to move on.”

“I think that’s a wonderful idea. Have you got any ideas?”

“Not specifically. But all those things you said about my memories with him, I wish I could merge them altogether somehow, you know?”

“Hmm…” Ryan pursed his lips, his brow furrowing. “What about the old grocery store?”

“Jon’s place?”

“Yeah. Didn’t you say it was for sale?”

“Yeah, but I don’t have that kind of money lying around, GQ, even with it being on the South Side.”

“No, no, I didn’t mean that.” He smiled. “I’m just thinking, what if we could somehow turn it into a branch of Future’s Hope? And you could have it dedicated to Simon.”

I liked that idea. I liked it a lot. “How?”

Ryan looped his arms around my neck and kissed my damp cheek. “Do you trust me?”

“More than you’ll ever know.”

“Then leave this with me,” he whispered. “I think I have an idea. I just need to check into a few things.”

I nodded, rested my cheek on top of Ryan’s hair, and let his quiet, even breathing calm me. I felt drained, exhausted, but lighter for having shared this with him. And as I sat there amongst what was left of Simon’s things, I sent out a wish to my friend that I hoped he could hear, wherever he might be.

I think I found him, Si. My happily-ever-after…

OceanofPDF.com

Chapter 16

OceanofPDF.com

Ryan

“HEY THERE, GQ. Time to wake up.”

The deep voice whispering in my ear was accompanied by the sweet, decadent smell of frosting as a warm body slid into bed behind mine and a strong arm wrapped around me.

“You didn’t tell me you bought these.”

I lazily opened my eyes to see one of the small frosting shots I’d bought yesterday waving under my nose, then turned in Jameson’s arms until I was facing him.

“Trying to keep them for yourself, huh?”

“No, things just got a little…” I paused, not wanting to bring up last night if Jameson wasn’t ready to talk about it yet.

“Rough?” He nodded and lowered the cup between us. “I’m sorry about that. I didn’t mean to dump all my baggage on you the second you walked through the door.”

“Jameson.” I touched his arm and shook my head. “You didn’t dump anything on me. You shared one of the most difficult days of your life with me. You let me in.”

“Still.” He shrugged. “It was a whole lot.”

“A whole lot that you shouldn’t have to deal with on your own, and now you don’t have to. I’m here and can share it with you.”

“It’s been a long time since I’ve had that.” Jameson reached out to gently cradle my face. “Actually, I’m not sure I ever have.”

The words I love you were about to tumble off my tongue, but I caught myself just in time and quickly changed course. The last thing I wanted was for him to feel pressured to return a feeling because he was in a vulnerable place and felt some sense of gratitude.

“I’ll always be here, whenever you need me.”

Jameson’s lips crooked up to the side and then he swiped his finger through the frosting and brought it to my lips, painting a sugary trail.

“Mmm, cream cheese. How’d you know that was my favorite?”

He dipped his finger into the cup again and sucked some of the frosting free. “I didn’t, but since you like it so much, why don’t you take another taste?”

He didn’t have to tell me twice. I crushed my mouth against his, then rolled him to his back so I could shift over him. As I settled between his legs, I plucked the shot cup from his hand and swirled my finger around, scooping up the remaining frosting. I grinned at him and went to suck the cream cheese free, but Jameson whipped his hand out and took hold of my wrist.

“You’re not going to share that?”

Before I had a chance to respond, Jameson craned up and sucked the frosting deep into his mouth.

I gasped, the feeling of his tongue swirling around my finger making my cock jealous. Jameson knew it too, judging by his wicked grin as my finger slipped free.

“That was mine.”

“Sorry.”

I arched a brow as Jameson licked his full lips. With his dark hair and lashes against my white sheets, he sure was something to look at—strong, sexy, and mine.

“You don’t look real sorry to me.”

“No?” He smoothed his hands over my hips and flirted with the elastic of my briefs. “Then how do I look, GQ?”

I tossed the empty cup aside and trailed my fingers down his jaw. “Perfect. You look perfect here, in my bed, under me.”

He chuckled. “That so?”

“It is. You were always meant to be here, with me.”

Something that I’d never seen before flashed in Jameson’s eyes, and it made my heart beat a little faster as he rolled me over and pinned me beneath him.

“What are you doing to me?”

I frowned. “Doing?”

“Yeah.” Jameson fingered my hair. “Making me believe in things I told you I don’t. Not for me—not in the real world, anyway.”

I couldn’t help but wonder if he meant what I thought he did, as the conversation he’d had with Simon about happily-ever-afters ran through my mind.

“He would’ve liked you.”

And there it was. “Simon?”

Jameson nodded. “You’re not a screamer like all the others were.”

As his words sank in, my mouth fell open and I shoved him in the arm. “You did not just say that to me.”

“Hey, that’s a compliment, GQ. You should take it.”

I narrowed my eyes and feigned great uninterest as Jameson laughed. I wasn’t mad in the least—in fact, I was the exact opposite. His talking and joking about Simon in such a relaxed way made me feel we’d made real headway last night—but there was no way I was letting him know that.

“Are you done?” I asked.

“I don’t know. You’re kinda cute when you’re mad.”

“Seriously?”

“Mm-hmm.” Jameson leaned in and nipped at my lower lip. “Seriously. But I’m guessing this isn’t the time I should, uh, ask you for a favor, huh?”

That caught my attention. Jameson very rarely asked for help with anything.

I eyed him cautiously. “I don’t know, what kind of favor are we talking here?”

Jameson shifted off me then propped his head on his palm. “I have to write a speech.”

I didn’t know what I’d been expecting, but that was not it.

“A speech? What kind of speech?”

Jameson grimaced and rubbed a hand over his face. “It’s for this high school thing that Olsen signed us up for—”

“Us?”

“Yeah, me and Brumm.”

I snorted. “You and Brumm? That big guy with the—”

“Mouth on him? Yeah, I know. Has disaster written all over it. But there’s no getting out of it, and that’s what I was working on yesterday when everything went to shit.”

“Ah, okay.” That made sense. “But how can I help? I don’t really know all that much about your job except the basics.”

“I know, but you work with reporters all day and help in that meeting room where you put all the stories together.”

I couldn’t help my smile, because would you look at that—he’d paid attention when I gave him that tour.

“The war room.”

“Yeah, that’s the place.” Jameson climbed out of bed and looked down at me, a mischievous twinkle in his eye. “So? What do you say? Will you help me out, Lois?”

“Lois? Did you just call me Lois?”

Jameson chuckled as I sat up in bed. “I did.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

He walked to the door and winked over his shoulder. “Come help me and I just might tell you.”

He stepped out into the hall as I sat there dumbfounded. Lois? I’d been going to help him anyway, but now I also had a mystery to unravel.

I shoved the covers aside and grabbed my sweatpants, then donned a shirt and padded down the hall. When I entered the kitchen I found two plates full of scrambled eggs, bacon, and toast. Jameson held up a carafe of orange juice.

I arched a brow. “Is this supposed to convince me into helping you with your little favor?”

Jameson poured us each a glass of juice. “I figured it couldn’t hurt. But I was kind of hoping you’d just take pity on me.”

This charming, self-deprecating side of his was difficult to resist. I sat down. “Lois?”

“That’s your nickname down at the station.”

“As in your fire station? How’d I ended up getting a nickname, and why that?”

Jameson put the juice back in the fridge and then took the seat beside me. “Because my crew are a bunch of idiots.”

I cocked my head to the side, eyes narrowed.

“I’m Clarke. A.k.a.—”

“Superman…” I let that sink in for a moment, and then felt my stomach flip. “So they think I’m your Lois?”

Jameson lowered his eyes to my mouth. “Pretty sure they know it by now.”

Something about that heated, proprietary stare made my blood hum.

“I told them not to—”

“I like it.” When Jameson’s eyes widened, I chuckled. “Not so much the nickname, but that they gave us one—together. They like you.”

“Yeah, go figure.” Jameson shoved his fork into the fluffy eggs. “I’m not sure how I feel about that yet.”

“I think it’s great.” I picked up a piece of bacon and bumped my shoulder into his. “And I think secretly you do too.”

Jameson side-eyed me. “You do, do you?”

“Mm-hmm.” I bit into the bacon strip and left it at that, not wanting to push him too far. Jameson had come leaps and bounds in the last twenty-four hours, and that was a good thing. “Okay, about this little speech of yours. What were you thinking?”

Jameson snorted. “I wasn’t. Every time I started to, my mind wandered.”

“So what have you got so far?”

“Um, a blank page? I don’t know what to say to a bunch of teenagers. Especially anything interesting. I’ll be lucky if I don’t put them all to sleep.”

“Hmm.” I thought about myself as a teenager and knew there was no way I would fall asleep during a speech Jameson gave. He was too good-looking. But then again, I’d always been fascinated by firefighters and policemen. I knew their jobs were dangerous and shouldn’t be romanticized, but at the same time, it was difficult not to think highly of them. “What if instead of a speech, per se, you and Brumm let them in on the action.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, like you said, speeches and teenagers don’t usually make for an exciting experience.”

“Gee, thanks. You’re making me feel really good about this.”

“No, no.” I laughed. “What I mean is, there’s something exciting about seeing what you—the brave men and women of the Chicago Fire Department—do on a daily basis that gets the blood pumping.”

Jameson paused with his bacon halfway to his mouth. “Are we talking about the kids, GQ? Or you?”

I grinned. “Me…as a kid. It’s also what essentially gave you your future, the rookie course that you enrolled in during high school.”

“Yeah, but we aren’t looking to recruit them.”

“How do you know? You give them a fun, exhilarating experience, and you just might convince some young guy or girl they want to sign up.”

Jameson mulled that for a few minutes as I cleaned my plate, then he nodded.

“You might be onto something with this. We could take some extra gear, have some competitions on how to get into it and time them.”

“Yes, see, that’d be fun. I love competitions. What else?”

“If we could use one of the fields or tracks, we could show them how to set up and use a fire hose as a team.”

“The kids would love that. I know I would. Gets them out of the classroom, away from their books. Plus, they get to drool all over you.”

Jameson scoffed. “I hardly think they’ll be doing that.”

“Are you kidding me? Olsen was totally strategic in picking you and Brumm.” When Jameson’s cheeks colored, I started to laugh. “I’m right, aren’t I? He said something like that?”

Jameson went to climb off his stool, but I grabbed his arm.

“What’d he say?”

“Nothing.”

“You’re such a bad liar. I bet he said everyone would swoon at your feet.”

“Okay, he definitely didn’t say that.”

“But something like that?”

Jameson shook his head and let out a sigh as he slid off the chair and walked around the island. “You’re not going to let this go, are you?”

“Nope.”

“Fine.” He dumped his dish into the sink. “He said Brumm would make them laugh and I’d…” He rolled his eyes.

“And you’d…?”

“I’d make them pay attention because I’m— Please don’t make me say it.”

I laughed and climbed off my stool. “Hot? You’d make them pay attention because you’re smokin’-ass hot?” I put the plate on the counter and leaned in to kiss Jameson’s scowling lips. “Am I close?”

“You’re about to get in a whole lot of trouble.”

I grinned. “Promise?”

Jameson shook his head, then reached out to grip my hips and walk me forward between his spread legs. “You mind if we get out of here today? I need to get away from everything that happened last night, and there’s something I’d like to do with you before we can’t anymore.”

Intrigued, I pressed a quick kiss to his lips. There was no way I was going to refuse, no matter what he had planned. All I needed to know was, “What should I wear?”

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Chapter 17

OceanofPDF.com

Jameson

“ARE YOU GOING to tell me where we’re going?”

“Nope.”

I glanced over my bike to where Ryan stood holding the helmet I’d just handed him. He’d changed into jeans, a long-sleeve top, and my leather jacket. The weather was playing nice today, so though it was cool outside, the sun was shining, and that meant it was perfect for what I wanted to do.

“So I’m just supposed to blindly follow you into the unknown?”

“That’s right.” I swung my leg over the bike and winked at him. “So what do you say, GQ? Do you trust me?”

Ryan pursed his lips and looked so adorable it was all I could do to stay on the damn bike and not climb off and drag him back upstairs to bed. But we needed this—some time away from everything I’d literally and figuratively unboxed last night. Plus, I had a feeling Ryan would get a real kick out of it once he knew what we were going to do.

He climbed on behind me and scooted down until the warm insides of his jean-clad thighs hugged my hips. “I trust you with my life.”

For the first time in months, I didn’t shrink from that sentiment, didn’t feel the crippling anxiety take hold, at the faith he put in me. I let out a sigh of freedom.

“Then put that helmet on and let’s go.”

Just like the first time I’d taken Ryan for a ride, I wove us through the city streets and over to my side of town. Then I took several back roads out to the industrial area where you could find blocks of old, dilapidated warehouses.

It wasn’t a place I’d ever recommend anyone hang around at night. The buildings all sat empty with broken windows, and the parking lots were overgrown with grass. But it was perfect for what I’d brought us here for.

I pulled up at an abandoned rail yard and cut the engine, then climbed off. Ryan lowered his helmet to rest on the seat between his legs, then looked at our surroundings. “You know, I’m really starting to question these places you bring me for ‘dates.’”

I chuckled and hooked my helmet onto the handlebar. “You didn’t seem to mind our last date too much.”

“Okay, maybe I should clarify. I’m going to demand more questions when you tell me you want to take me somewhere on the back of this bike. We always seem to end up in”—Ryan climbed off the bike and took another look around—“questionable places.”

“Questionable, huh?” I took his helmet and cocked my head to the side. “That hurts, GQ. I thought you said you trusted me.”

“I do, but—”

“Uh uh.” I put a finger to his lips. “You either do or you don’t.”

He took in a deep breath, then let it out. “Okay, you’re right, I do. So, uh, what are we doing out here in this…lovely location?”

“I’m going to teach you how to ride my bike.”

Ryan’s eyes widened, and as he tried to find his words, I gestured to the overgrown roads and empty lots as far as the eye could see.

“I figure I only have about a week left with this baby until I have to put her in storage for the winter. So, if I was going to teach you, it would have to be now, and this is the perfect spot. The further we are away from the general public, the better for, well, them. So, what do you say? Wanna learn how to ride a motorbike today?”

Ryan blinked. “You want to teach me how to ride? Your bike?”

I smiled at his incredulity. “Yeah, I do. If you want to learn.”

“Are you kidding?”

I was starting to think that maybe I should just say yes, and forget about this whole thing. But then Ryan snatched his helmet out of my hand and shoved it back on his head with a grin.

“This is awesome.” He flung his arms around my neck with so much enthusiasm he almost knocked the wind out of me. “Are you sure you trust me with your bike?”

“No.” Ryan pulled back from me with a frown, and I laughed. “That’s why we’re out here in the middle of nowhere. But I think you’ll get the hang of it soon enough, and this way I get some practice teaching somebody something.”

“Oh, I see.” Ryan let go of me and eyed me closely. “So I’m your experiment.”

“Well, I figure if I can teach you how to ride a motorbike, I can feel better about teaching a class of unruly teens.”

Ryan snorted. “Thanks a lot.”

I took his hand then secured my helmet at the back, out of the way. Once the bike was ready to go, we did a quick walk around, then I handed over the keys.

“Right, time to climb on, GQ.”

Ryan stopped in his tracks. “Are you sure? Maybe we should go over it one more time.”

“We will, but once you’re on. So climb on.”

Ryan moved to the seat of the bike, threw a leg over, and took hold of the handlebars. That twinkle of excitement was back in his eyes.

“You good?”

“I’m good.”

“Okay, so do you remember where the hand clutch is? The throttle?”

Ryan tapped the lever on the handle, and I grinned.

“That’s right. Now, this is an old girl, so she still has a starter pedal to get her going. You’re gonna want to turn the key, leave the bike in neutral, then, with your hand on the throttle, you give her that kick start. Want to try?”

Ryan nodded and looked down at the machine as though committing to memory everything I’d said and everything he was going to do. Then he reached down and turned the key, adjusted the throttle, and kicked down on the starter pedal.

The motorbike rumbled to life on the first go, and I hooted and clapped him on the shoulder.

“There you go. You got it!”

Ryan aimed wild eyes up at me. What the hell do I do now?

“Now what you’re going to do is put the clutch in up here.” I pointed to the handlebar, and Ryan squeezed the clutch then waited for his next instruction.

“Good, that’s great. Now down there on the foot gear… That’s right, you’re going to push down on the foot gear once and put her into first gear.”

Ryan’s brows drew together so fiercely that even with the helmet on I could see the deep V of concentration form between his eyes as he held in the clutch and put the bike into first.

I nodded. “Now add some gas as you slowly let out the clutch.”

Ryan looked at his hands as though triple-checking he was hanging on then went for it aaand…stalled out. The bike jerked forward, and I automatically went to reach for him.

“That’s okay. It’s okay, you caught it. Get your bearings and steady yourself.”

Ryan planted his feet on the ground and took a deep breath, then he repositioned himself to kick down on the starter pedal. As the bike again rumbled to life, he kept it humming by adjusting the throttle, then squeezed in the clutch, and before I could say a word, the bike jerked forward, and he managed to smooth it out in time to get it moving and slowly begin to ride.

“Hell yes! You got it!” I shouted as I watched him ride the bike in a slow, straight line away from me before taking a wide turn and making his way back to me. I could see the laugh lines around his eyes as he did a couple more laps of the parking lot, and the pure joy on his expression was contagious.

“Oh my God.” Ryan came to a stop and switched off the engine, then took his helmet off. “That was amazing.”

“You looked great out there.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Maybe next spring you could go for your license and think about joining me on the road, on your own bike.”

“I’ve never even thought about it. That would be unreal.” Ryan looked back to the bike and ran a hand over the chrome between his legs, and I almost got jealous. “Would you help me pick a bike? Maybe fix one up with me like you did this?”

“You want to learn how to fix a motorbike?” I let out a loud laugh.

“What?”

“Weren’t you the one who told me he didn’t even know how to change the oil in his car?”

“So? I can learn new things, and if I have a good teacher…”

“Uh huh.” I removed the helmet from his head and took his chin in hand, then leaned down and took his lips in a fierce kiss. “Well, you’ve got one of those. And if you want to learn how to put together a bike, I’ll teach you.”

Ryan nipped at my lower lip. “Do you really have to put her away for the winter?”

“I do.”

“But how will you get to work?”

“I usually lease a truck until the weather clears.”

“You lease it?”

“Yeah. Never saw any point to buying one if I’m only gonna use it for a few months. Would cost too much to store it. This way I usually just hit Jon up for the winter.”

“Ah, okay, that makes sense. Well, thank you so much for this. I had a blast.”

“You’re welcome. I knew you’d love it.”

“You knew right.” As Ryan climbed off the bike and I went to unclip my helmet, he said, “So, since I did you a favor this morning…”

“Oh, I see how it is. What do you need?”

“Not so much need—it’s more something I’d like from you. If you want to give it.”

Well, that didn’t sound like anything bad. “And what is it you want?”

“You.” Ryan grinned. “To be my date to my mom’s birthday celebration.”

I could tell by the way he was worrying his lower lip that he wasn’t sure how I’d answer, but hell, the sun was shining, the moment was perfect, and for the first time in my life, I was happy. Really fucking happy. So I did what felt right.

I kissed him and whispered against his lips, “Just tell me where and when and what your mom likes, and I’ll be there.”

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Chapter 18

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Ryan

“COCKTAILS AND WHAT?”

I glanced over at the passenger seat where Jameson sat all bundled up in his jeans and a black wool coat that I’d helped him pick out, and couldn’t help but chuckle at the skeptical look on his face.

“Cocktails and curling!” When he looked no less clued in, I added, “You know, that sport at the Olympics where they use things that look like brooms and mop the icy floor.”

Jameson’s eyes widened. “That’s what we’re doing tonight?”

“Apparently so. There’s a hotel here downtown that runs the game through the winter months so they can keep their terrace open. Dad decided it would be fun for Mom’s birthday to rent it out for the night.”

“Does your mom like to…curl? Is that what they call it?”

The deep frown between Jameson’s brows made my laugh even more boisterous. “I don’t think she’s curled a day in her life. I’m guessing that’s what they call it. Buuut our family has been known to get a little bit competitive when it comes to sporting events and games. So this is right up our alley.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Oh yeah.” I chuckled as I pulled into the parking garage of the hotel and pressed the button for my ticket. As the boom gate went up, I looked at Jameson. “Are you scared?”

“I’m shaking in my boots, GQ.”

“You should be. I’m a quick study, and I plan to sweep you and everyone else right off the board tonight.”

Jameson started to laugh as I pulled into a spot. “Wow, you really are competitive. We aren’t even upstairs yet and you’re already laying it on thick.”

“Hey, I perform best when I think positive and envision knocking out my opponent. That’s what I did when I met you, and look at us now.” I turned off the engine, and we climbed out of the car.

“Okay, you’re starting to freak me out a little. You didn’t mention I needed to wear boxing gloves tonight.”

I walked around the car. “You look perfect tonight. Very dashing in this new coat of yours with your thick, dark hair.” I sighed a dreamy sigh. “Boxing gloves would’ve ruined the look.”

“Uh huh.” Jameson wound an arm around my waist and kissed me until my toes curled. “Why do I feel like I’ve been played?”

I grinned and stepped back from him. “Oh, you ain’t seen nothing yet.”

The sound of his laughter warmed my heart as we walked toward the elevator. I pressed the button for the roof, and Jameson looped an around my shoulder and kissed my temple.

“You sure your family doesn’t mind an extra tonight?”

“I’m positive. They’re looking forward to meeting you. I’ve never really brought home a boyfriend before.”

“No?”

“No.”

A sudden case of shyness washed over me at the smug expression that crossed his face. “Well, I’m happy to be your first, GQ.”

“Oh my God, stop it. I have to get off this elevator and hang out with my family. I’d rather do that without a—”

I cut off my words, and Jameson turned and backed me into the corner of the elevator. “Oh no you don’t. Without a…?”

I glanced at the numbers that were glowing above the elevator door and getting us closer and closer to the roof. “Without an aching hard-on. You get near me and all common sense flies out the window. I just want to take you somewhere and get you alone.”

Jameson brushed a thumb over my cheek. “Well, if you let me win tonight, I just might let you.”

My jaw hit the floor. “Are you… Are you trying to blackmail me with your body, Jameson Clarke?”

He shrugged and took a step back. “Maybe. Did it work?”

As the elevator reached the roof and dinged, I smirked. “Maybe.” Then I stepped out onto the rooftop terrace.

Wow, the place looked amazing. There were twinkling lights strung up everywhere, firepits were crackling away in each corner of the patio, and in the center of the space was a long high-top table with barstools, where a flickering flame ran down the center to warm icy hands.

It was a cool—no pun intended—setup, and what made it even cooler was the curling rink off to one side of the roof that was surrounded by outdoor heaters and TVs playing the Olympic sport.

“Ryan!” I turned to see my father striding our way bundled up in a scarf and windbreaker, his grey hair blowing in the breeze. “It’s so good to see you, son.”

I was pulled in for the usual backbreaking hug and returned it tenfold. I didn’t get to see my family nearly as much as I wanted to, but when I did, it was always a great time.

“You found the place all right? No problems?”

“I live and work downtown, Dad. It was no problem. But I’ve never been here before.”

“Ah! So it’s a first for you, then?”

“That’s what I was just saying.”

Jameson’s deep voice washed over me in all the right ways.

My father turned to him and held his hand out. “And you must be Jameson.”

“That’s right. It’s nice to meet you.” Jameson shook my father’s hand, and my stomach flipped. God, I felt nervous, like a kid bringing home their first boyfriend—and essentially, I was. “Thanks for having me tonight.”

“Of course. We were thrilled when Ryan said he was going to bring a plus-one.” My father looked at me and winked. “He’s never done that before.”

Aaand there went my cheeks again. If I’d thought I was going to be cold up here tonight, I was sorely mistaken, because my face felt like it was on fire.

“So…where’s the birthday girl?” I said.

“Sitting over by one of the firepits. I think she’s going to want me to put one in the backyard after this.” He gestured over his shoulder. “Come on, she’s so excited to see you and meet Jameson. I’m pretty sure she thinks you brought him as her birthday present.”

At Jameson’s shocked expression, a bark of laughter left me. “Oh no, he’s all mine. But since it’s her birthday, I might let her get a hug. Maybe.”

My father chuckled as he led us across the terrace, and as we got closer to my mother she got to her feet. Her silver pixie cut showed off her delicate features, and the cool air had made her nose turn red. She was bundled up like the rest of us, and it made her tiny frame look roly-poly.

“Ryan, my dear. Looking as handsome as ever.” She took my shoulders and angled me back, making a show of looking me over before bringing me in to kiss both cheeks.

“Happy birthday, Mom.”

“Thank you, baby. I’m so glad you could make it.”

“Of course. I wouldn’t miss your—”

“Shh.” She pressed a manicured finger to my lips. “We aren’t mentioning numbers tonight.”

I grinned. “Fair enough. Let me introduce you to my date, then.” And yes, I sounded smug. “Mom, this is Jameson. Jameson, this is the birthday girl.”

As Jameson stepped forward, I moved beside my mother, and wow, what a first impression he made. With the twinkling lights and fire crackling behind him, I wasn’t sure if it was because of his occupation or if it was just Jameson, but damn, the backdrop suited the man. It made his dark hair shine and his features even more pronounced.

My mother leaned in to kiss his cheek. “My, my, aren’t you tall, dark, and handsome.”

Jameson’s cheeks colored, and I took pity on him. “I was just thinking the same exact thing. He looks very dashing tonight.”

My mother nodded. “That’s the perfect word—dashing.”

I flashed a winning smile in Jameson’s direction and had a feeling he was wondering what exactly he’d gotten himself into. But he was going to have a great time. My family was a blast once that competitive fire was stoked, and with a rented-out rooftop, alcohol, and a game that none of us had ever played, things were bound to get a little out of hand.

“We’re missing one,” I said, looking around the terrace for my brother.

“Eric’s on his way. He got caught in some traffic. He said he’s about five minutes out.”

“Well, in that case, how about Mom opens her gift from us while we wait.” I took her hand and led her back to her seat, then took the one beside her. Jameson moved in next to me and reached inside his coat to pull out a beautiful red envelope with a gold windmill on the front.

Though he didn’t have to, Jameson had insisted on getting the birthday girl a present tonight, and when he asked about something he heard one of the guys talking about at the firehouse, I knew it would be perfect. So perfect that I’d weaseled my way into going in on the gift.

“This is beautiful,” she said as she ran her fingers over the gold filagree image, and I looked at my father, who was smiling because he was in on this too. We’d had to make sure their calendar was clear for tomorrow.

“Well, go on,” I said. “You have to open it.”

My mother laughed then turned it over to open it up, and when she pulled out two tickets to tomorrow’s matinee performance of Moulin Rouge! The Musical, her eyes widened.

“Oh my gosh! I’ve been wanting to see this ever since they announced they were playing downtown.”

I couldn’t help my smile as she looked at the tickets again. “I can’t take any credit. It was all Jameson’s idea.”

“I’m glad you like it, Mrs. Carrigan,” Jameson said.

“Oh heavens,” she said, getting to her feet. “Aren’t you charming. But really, call me Heidi. And I love it. Thank you,” she said as she wrapped Jameson in a tight embrace. “I feel very spoiled.”

“You’re welcome. I hope you have a good time.”

My father wrapped an arm around my mother’s waist. “We’ll have a great time. Thank you, both of you.”

As they looked at the tickets and began to talk about their plans, I crooked a finger at Jameson, and he leaned down until I could kiss him on the lips. “Don’t think I’m going to let you win tonight because you’re so damn charming.”

He grinned, and my heart just about burst when he whispered, “That’s okay. You see, I’ve already won, GQ. In fact, I’m winning right now.”

OceanofPDF.com

Chapter 19

OceanofPDF.com

Jameson

RYAN HADN’T BEEN lying. His family was one competitive bunch. I’d even go so far as to say that they might give the guys at the CFD a run for their money. But luckily, I didn’t have to worry about Ryan wiping the board clean with me. We were playing as teams, and during the draw, GQ must’ve taken pity on me and chosen me as his partner.

We were two rounds in. Ryan and I seemed to have a bit more skill than zero when it came to this curling gig. But as far as sportsmanship went, I definitely had a little smack talker on my hands, and I wasn’t sure what was more shocking—that I could actually hold my own in this weird sport or that Ryan had a dark side.

“Good luck trying not to slide that thing off the roof like your last shot!” he called out to his brother, who, it turned out, was the spitting image of their father. Then Ryan leaned in to me and muttered, “God help my father now that Eric’s had a couple drinks.”

I chuckled and turned to my teammate.

“What?”

“Nothing.” I smirked and shook my head. “I’m just seeing a whole new side of you tonight.”

“Psh.” He waved a hand through the air. “I’m just playing the game. Trying to get in his head. You know, psych him out.”

“So I was warned.”

Ryan shoved me in the arm and picked up his buttered rum drink as their father moved up beside Eric to explain the game…again.

“Come on, Eric, it’s pretty easy. You just slide the rock down the board and aim for the center of the target.”

“You know, the one my rock is closest to,” Ryan added, helpful as ever.

Eric flipped his brother off. “I’m not an idiot, guys. This thing’s just got a mind of its own.”

“And you throwing it.” Ryan snorted.

“Maybe that should be the last drink for you,” I suggested as their father clapped Eric on the back, trying to be supportive.

“It’s all good, son. Just do your best. I was only trying to—”

“Save his team from losing a third time in a row.”

“Damn,” I said by Ryan’s ear. “You’re making me nervous.”

“Aww.” Ryan rubbed a hand over my bicep and aimed a saccharine smile my way. “You don’t need to be nervous. I picked you for a reason. That’s why I always make you the hammer.”

That was news to me. “The hammer?”

“Yeah, the final player. The final rock. You get to slide it down the board and knock everyone out of the way and win for us.”

That was what I’d done the last two rounds, but I hadn’t realized there was a strategy behind what order we played in. I smirked at my sneaky teammate. “I thought you said you hadn’t played this before.”

“I haven’t. But when Dad told me what we were doing, I might’ve looked it up.”

I laughed, swiped some of the whipped cream from his drink onto my finger, and sucked it off. “You’re crazy competitive—who knew?”

“And you’re sexy and going to win this for me—us.”

I was about to ask him what would happen if I didn’t when Eric crouched down to take his turn. He shoved the rock up the board, and it slid down toward the end and veered off to the left. When it hit the bumper edge, Ryan cheered and pumped a fist in the air at his brother’s bad aim.

Their mother tsked him from the sidelines. “Ryan Carrigan. What have I always told you when it comes playing games?”

“To win respectfully and lose gracefully.” Ryan looked at me and rolled his eyes, and I had to admit this bratty side of him was downright adorable.

“That’s right. So stop heckling your brother.”

“Oh please, he gives me just as much shi—trouble—when we play board games, and you know it. He’s just not the athlete.”

“Like you are,” Eric called out. “The only reason you’re killing it tonight is because you drew Mr. Firefighter there. No offense, Jameson.”

I held up my hands, laughing. “None taken.”

“Hey, you should be offended on my behalf,” Ryan said. “I am half of this team. I have skill.”

“Didn’t you just call me ‘the hammer’? The one who hits it home.”

Ryan’s eyes widened. “Traitor.”

Eric started to laugh. “I knew it,” he said as he took one of the buttered rum drinks. “How do you put up with this guy?”

“In all honesty?” I grinned at Ryan. “I’ve never met this version of GQ before. Ask me the next time we all get together.”

Ryan aimed a glare in my direction, but before I found myself in too much trouble, Eric said, “GQ?”

“Oh.” I laughed, realizing I’d slipped up and used his nickname. “Just something I dubbed him when we first met. He was at a bar and wearing these suspenders, and—”

“You were wearing suspenders at a bar?” Eric snorted.

“In my defense,” Ryan said, “I didn’t know what kind of a bar it was.”

His brother frowned. “Is there ever a right kind of bar that you wear suspenders to?”

“No,” I said, earning another glare. I liked getting GQ feisty. “But I will say, he wore them well. He just reminded me of a fashion magazine.”

“Ah, hence GQ.”

“Wow, Eric, you don’t miss much, do you? Except the target.” Ryan did the mic-drop motion, and then began to shoo me toward the end of the curling board. “That’s enough out of you also, traitor. Time to win this thing.”

As he ushered me across the terrace, I leaned back and said under my breath, “Remind me to take you to the next CFD barbecue. I think you’d fit right in.”

“I would? Why?”

“Because there’s a whole bunch of shit talking over who can win the ladder climb or beat the other house at tug of war, and you would beat them all at the shit-talking portion if not anything else.”

That got Ryan laughing. “Hey, you were warned.”

“I’m not sure I believed you, until now. It’s very cute.”

“Cute? I’m smack talking, how is that cute?”

I came to a stop at the end of the curling board and looked him over in his caramel sweater and cream scarf and chuckled. “I don’t know, it’s like one of those little corgis trying to act all tough, but really, it’s just adorable.”

Ryan scoffed. “Yeah? Well, not everyone can be the sexy bad boy, you know.”

“I know.” I leaned in to his ear. “That’s why you brought me. I’m your hammer, remember? And tonight, I’m gonna pound—”

“Ryan! Let the guy play already. You’re holding up the game,” Eric called out as he moved to sit with their father.

I straightened to my full height, and Ryan mouthed, Bad boy. I chuckled and winked at him as I moved to the end of the board. I eyed the target and crouched down, and Ryan blew me a kiss.

No pressure.

I pulled my arm back and, with as much force, and aim, as possible, I shoved the rock down the board and crossed my fingers. I watched as it neared the rings on the board, and as it cracked into the other rocks and rammed its way to the home ring, Ryan jumped up in the air and began to hoot and holler like he’d won the damn Super Bowl.

“And that’s how it’s done!” He pointed at me. “Right there, that’s my partner. My hammer.”

“Oh for the love of God,” his father said. “I need another drink if I’ve got to listen to this one gloat through the next game.”

Eric nodded. “I second that. Actually, you know what? I think it’s only fair we rotate partners, since someone has to sit out each game. Mom.” He turned and aimed a not-so-innocent smile in their mother’s direction. “Why don’t you take Ryan’s place this round and play with Jameson? I’m sure your son won’t mind, since you’re the birthday girl.”

Ryan opened his mouth as though about to protest, but then pouted. “Fine. I can tell when you’re all too scared to go up against me.”

“Yes, it’s you we’re all scared of,” Eric deadpanned. “Actually, why don’t you go and get us all a refill so we can talk about you behind your back?”

Ryan’s eyes widened, and Eric started to laugh.

“Oh, see, he’s worried now.”

“I’m not worried.”

“Then off you go, big brother.”

Ryan looked to me and then his parents. “Remember, I was always the best-behaved child.” When they laughed, he aimed one more look his brother’s way. “You tell him about Grand Cayman, you’re dead to me.”

Eric waggled his brows, and I couldn’t help but laugh as Ryan turned on his heel and all but ran to collect our drinks. Damn, I was having a good time. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had this much fun, and I could see exactly why Ryan had ended up the bright, happy guy he was. His family was amazing. If only everyone could be raised by such loving parents, the world just might be a better place.

“So did I hear Ryan right, that you two met in a bar?” Ryan’s mother smiled as she finished off her boozy hot chocolate.

“Yeah, that’s right. But don’t judge me by that.”

“No.” She chuckled and placed her hand over my arm. “I was just thinking that fate works in mysterious ways, and sometimes likes a repeat. That’s how I met my Pat.”

“It is?”

“Yes. Right here in downtown. I was working the bar, and he came in and sat down.”

“That’s very close to a repeat, then.”

“Except you’re a firefighter with the CFD.” She placed a hand over her heart, her eyes turning serious. “Thank you for your service.”

The thanks was so unexpected and unnecessary that I shook my head. “You don’t have to say that.”

“Nonsense. It’s quite funny, really—Ryan always did take a fancy to the servicemen.”

“Yeah,” Eric said. “He got himself a hero after all.”

Since I knew this particular story about Ryan, I wasn’t shocked by the comment, but at the same time I couldn’t sit there and let them believe I was the one who should be praised. Not when it was their son and brother who had finally allowed me to live again.

“I’m no hero. But Ryan didn’t really need to go and find one of those anyway, because he’s the biggest hero of all. He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me, he’s saved me in ways I never knew were possible, and I’m still trying to work out what I did to deserve him.”

When the table fell silent and Eric’s eyes shifted over my shoulder, I knew exactly what I was going to see when I turned. Ryan was standing on the terrace with shimmering eyes and a tray full of butterscotch rums. I got to my feet and walked over to where he seemed stuck, and I brushed aside the tear that had fallen down his cheek. For a second, I thought I saw what was in my heart swirling in his eyes. But, not wanting to take away from his mom’s big night, I took the tray from him and held out my elbow.

“All right, GQ. That’s enough of that. There’s no crying in curling.” I leaned down, pressed a kiss to his ear, and whispered, “Plus, I need you to come and heckle the opposition.”

Ryan burst out laughing, and I thought if I could hear that sound for the rest of my life, I just might be the luckiest man in the world.

OceanofPDF.com

Chapter 20

OceanofPDF.com

Ryan

THE DELICIOUS SMELL of pepperoni and mozzarella filled the apartment as I dusted the living room to my new playlist. Ever since cocktails and curling, I’d compiled a list of every sappy love song and had it on repeat, and whenever I played it, I pictured Jameson up on that rooftop terrace looking sexy as ever with the moonlight shining on his gorgeous, dark hair.

I sighed to myself as I did a little twirl, and maybe sang into my feather duster. Life was good. I’d never been so happy. I had a great job, a wonderful family, and I was head over heels in love with the most wonderful man on the planet.

Not only was he gorgeous, he was brave and strong and had the heart of a true survivor. Jameson had gone through more in his formative years than most did their entire life, and yet he’d somehow managed to pull himself out of that and make a future that anyone would be proud of. A future that now included me.

I grinned, thinking of the way he’d told my parents I was the best thing that had ever happened to him. I’d almost melted into a puddle, the words so personal from him and yet so casually announced that it was almost impossible to believe he was the same man I’d met back in that bar, who’d done everything in his power to get rid of me.

But no such luck. I was here to stay, and I wasn’t letting him go. Not now, not ever, and maybe it was time for me to be brave and finally tell him how much I loved him.

Yes. Maybe tomorrow night. I could make us a romantic dinner and—

The sound of someone knocking on the front door had me pausing in my cleaning and dreaming routine. Huh, I wasn’t expecting anyone tonight. Jameson was on shift, and I hadn’t heard anything from Gabe or Jude. Maybe it was a neighbor.

I tossed the duster on the couch and ran a hand through my hair, making sure I looked presentable. Well, as presentable as I could in a pair of sweats and a t-shirt after cleaning on a weeknight. But hey, it would do.

I headed to the door and took a look through the peephole, and I couldn’t have been more surprised at who was standing on the other side.

Amy.

What was Jameson’s sister doing here? As far I knew, he hadn’t seen or heard from her since she left Jon’s. Maybe she was hurt again? Maybe she needed help?

I quickly unlocked the door, worried that something might’ve happened to her, worried that something might be wrong.

“Amy… Hi.” I ran my eyes over her grey hoodie, jeans, and sneakers, looking for any visible signs of damage, and when I saw none, I breathed a sigh of relief. “We weren’t expecting you. Jameson, he’s at work.”

“I know,” she said as she looked at our new doormat that stated everyone was welcome. “I saw his bike there on my way over.”

I frowned, confused. Why would she come here if she knew Jameson wasn’t home? Not that I minded. If she needed somewhere to stay or maybe some place to rest and have something to eat—I didn’t know her current situation—then I was more than happy to help her out.

“Um, okay. Would you like to come in? I’m making pizza for myself. You’re welcome to stay and have some.”

“Thanks.”

As Amy walked by, I caught the distinct smell of marijuana and told myself to tread carefully here. But if pot was the worst she’d done before stopping by tonight, that wasn’t all that bad, right?

The bruises on her face were almost gone now. There was just a faint discoloration to her eye that hinted at what she’d been through, and that all seemed to indicate she was doing okay.

“So this is your place, huh?” She stopped in the middle of the small living room and looked to the kitchen, and then down the hall, before turning back to face me.

I smiled and shut the door. “Mine and Jameson’s, yes.”

She nodded and slipped her hands into her pockets. “Right. Yours and Jameson’s.”

As a rule, I liked to give people the benefit of the doubt, so I was sure the hint of sarcasm I detected in her voice was just a figment of my imagination.

“Would you like to sit down?” I quickly moved to the couch and grabbed the feather duster, then held it up. “You caught me mid-clean.”

“Mid-clean? The place looks like a museum.”

I wasn’t sure if that was a compliment or an insult, but I was going to take it as a good thing. Amy took a seat, and, not sure how comfortable she was around strangers—especially men—I perched myself on the opposite arm of the loveseat.

I was still a little curious why she’d shown up here tonight if she knew her brother wasn’t going to be home. Jameson must’ve given her our address if she needed him, and maybe she just didn’t want to worry him?

If that was the case, I would do what I could to help. I was glad she’d reached out, that she trusted me.

“I’m happy Jameson ended up giving you our address. It’s nice to spend time with family, and I want you to feel free to visit whenever you like.”

“Sure, thanks.” She looked at the TV and then to the open door of Jameson’s room. “This place is something else.”

“Thanks, I like it. I’ve been here a while now.”

“On your own or with different boyfriends?”

The question threw me for a second, the sarcasm definitely there this time around, and I wasn’t sure if that was just her way or it was intentionally directed at me.

“No. I originally shared the space with my best friend. But he moved in with his boyfriend a few months ago, and that’s when your brother responded to the ad.”

“Gotcha.” She settled back into the couch, testing the cushions, and as she fell silent, I remembered another dark-haired, broody Clarke doing the same.

It was strange, but up until this very second, this clipped one-word response, I’d forgotten that Jameson had been just like this. He’d changed so much in our time together that the grumpy, guarded version of him was like a figment of my imagination.

But it wasn’t. Like Amy, Jameson had grown up in a world that required him to be on guard, it was the only way to survive, and now that I understood where it was coming from, it made it easier not to take offense to Amy’s disdain.

When the timer on the oven went off, I got to my feet and gestured to the kitchen.

“So, are you hungry? Would you like some pizza?”

She shrugged. “Yeah, I could go for a slice.”

“Okay, let me grab it out of the oven and get it ready.” I gestured to the TV. “The remote is on the coffee table if you want to watch something.”

When all I got was a tight smile, I decided to leave it at that and went over to turn off the oven. For a split second I wondered if I should text Jameson. But I didn’t want to worry or distract him while he was at work, especially when I didn’t even know why Amy was here. The last I knew, Jon told Jameson that Amy had split and left no contact information. So maybe I could get an address or a cell number from her and pass that along when I knew more.

Yes, that was what I’d do.

I pulled the pizza out of the oven, and when I looked at the TV I saw that Amy had landed on some glitzy real estate show where everyone looked perfect, and the agents were selling multimillion-dollar homes in Los Angeles. The polar opposite of where she came from.

I put two slices on a dish for each of us then asked, “Would you like a drink? I have soda, wine, beer?”

Amy muttered something that sounded a lot like “Of course you do,” but I couldn’t be sure.

“What was that?”

“I’ll just take a water.”

“Okay.”

I took the drinks over and placed them on coasters on the coffee table, then went back for the pizza and gestured to the seat beside her.

“Do you mind?”

She looked at the cushion and then back to me. “It’s your couch.”

Yeah, she was definitely Jameson’s sister. I took the seat beside her, crossing my legs, then took a bite of pizza.

We sat there like that for a few minutes, and I wondered if it would be wrong of me to ask her how she was doing. I mean, she’d been practically unconscious the last time I saw her, and Jameson would want to know.

So what the hell. “How have you been? You look well.”

“Not hard to do, all things considering.” She took another bite of her slice and swallowed. “I’m sure I made a real great first impression.”

I put my pizza down and angled myself toward her, wanting to make sure Amy understood that I didn’t judge her for that night. But Amy kept her eyes glued to the television.

“Your brother and I, we were just worried about you, that’s all.”

Amy looked at me, and the frown on her face was the mirror image of Jameson’s. “Jay, I get. You? Not so much.” She shifted on her seat and slid her plate onto the table. “You don’t know me. Why were you worried?”

“You were hurt.”

“So?” She shrugged and got to her feet. “That’s nothing new. Or didn’t Jay tell you that when he moved into this fancy new life of his?”

I wasn’t sure how she’d react knowing that I knew all about their past. So instead of answering, I changed course. “He’ll be sorry he missed you.”

“Doubtful.” She took another look around the place and shook her head. “It looks like I’m exactly what he was trying to forget.”

“That’s not true.” I unfolded my legs and put my plate down next to hers, but otherwise remained seated. I didn’t want to come off as overbearing or trying to make a point by standing over her.

“Isn’t it? Then what’s he doing here? This kind of place, this side of town, it isn’t Jay. This isn’t where he belongs. You know that, right?”

No, I didn’t know that at all. But I remembered Jameson sharing a similar opinion on the matter when he first moved in. The apartment and zip code all feeling a little too “rich” for his tastes.

I understood his questioning it, since he had to live here. But it was interesting that she seemed to have such a strong opinion on the subject.

“I think you belong wherever you feel safe and at home. I like to think Jameson feels that here.”

“Jameson,” she said with a smirk. “So formal.”

Okay, so this was the real reason she was here. She didn’t approve of Jameson’s move out of their old neighborhood and was letting me know that now, loud and clear.

“That’s how he introduced himself, so that’s what I call him.”

“Right, and where was that?”

“At Jon’s, actually.”

“You were at Jon’s?”

“I was, yes, and your brother saved me from a pickpocket.”

She snorted. “Mitch.”

“That’d be him.”

She shook her head and smiled. “Look, I’ve got a cell phone now. Can you give my number to Jay? That’s all I really wanted.”

No, it wasn’t. She was curious about the stranger who’d shown up with her brother the other night, and, not wanting Jameson around while she checked me out, she had decided to show up now.

I got to my feet and grabbed a pen and notebook, and after she’d scribbled the number down and handed it back to me, she headed for the door. I was about to tell her she was welcome anytime, but before I could get the words out, she had closed the door behind her.

Well, that had been interesting. I stared at the number on the paper and tried to decide whether I should text Jameson now or tell him when he got home. In the end, I decided I’d wait until he came home. There was nothing urgent about her visit, she seemed to be doing fine, and I didn’t want Jameson to worry.

Also, it would give me time to decide just how much of this conversation I needed to tell him about, because I had a feeling he wasn’t going to be too happy about this little impromptu visit of Amy’s.

OceanofPDF.com

Chapter 21

OceanofPDF.com

Jameson

THE ALARMS BLARED throughout the firehouse an hour before shift was due to end, and the groans that went up throughout the station were almost as loud as the wailing siren.

It’d been a particularly busy night, and though we were all aware we might have to respond to a call even five minutes before shift turnover, that didn’t mean we had to be happy about it.

“Truck #91, elevator call with a trapping…” As the dispatcher began to recite the address, we were already in the app bay suiting up and climbing into the rig. Doors slammed shut, sirens and lights were switched on, and we were rolling out of the station in no time.

Brumm navigated the streets like the well-trained professional he was, with eyes on the road and the horn and sirens blaring. As we got closer to the city center, the streets he was turning down became increasingly familiar, until he pulled up in front of a building I knew all too well.

We all piled out into the busy street, and Olsen looked my way.

“The ENN building. Isn’t this where Ryan works?”

Yeah, it was, and I’d traveled up those very elevators just recently.

“All right,” Olsen barked. “Grab your gear and let’s get inside.”

We headed in through the lobby doors, where we were met by the building manager, who ushered us over to the blocked-off elevators.

“The stalled car is stuck between floors thirty-one and thirty-two. Only one occupant inside, a male employee of ENN.”

My stomach dropped at this new piece of information. Even though there was no indication that there was anything emergent about the call, the confirmation that it could be Ryan up there made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

“Thanks,” Olsen said with a clipped nod, then turned back to us. “Right, Brumm, Clarke? Grab the ladders, would you, and let’s get up there. The sooner we talk to the occupant, the sooner we’ll know what we’re dealing with. Isaacs, Lee, get that power shut off ASAP.”

“On it, lieutenant,” they said in unison, as Brumm and I headed to the rig for the ladders.

“Don’t get all up in your head over there, Superman,” Brumm said. “You know how these things go. Most stuck cars are as simple as prying open a door and offering a hand out.”

“I’m not in my head. Just want to get up there and get it done.”

“So you’re not worried it’s Lois stuck up there? I saw your face when the lieutenant brought it up, and that was before they confirmed it was an employee of ENN.”

“There’s hundreds of employees who work here—the odds it’s GQ are slim to none.”

“But there’s still a possibility.”

I side-eyed him. “Is this your version of a pep talk?”

“Why, is it helping?”

“No, it fucking isn’t.”

Brumm chuckled. “Aww, come on, man, don’t be like that. I’m just saying it could be him up there but it probably isn’t.”

I shook my head as we continued up and then followed Olsen to the stalled car. He was establishing communication with whoever was inside.

“Hello,” he said through the speaker. “This is Lieutenant Olsen with the Chicago Fire Department. Can you hear me?”

We all stood and waited for a response, and then a familiar, sheepish voice came through the speaker.

“Yes, I…I can hear you. Oh my God, this is so embarrassing.”

“Ryan?” Olsen shook his head as he looked at me. Seriously, what are the odds? “Is that you in there?”

“Yeah, um, please tell me you came alone. That no one else is out there with you.”

Brumm let out a loud guffaw that had Olsen cutting him a zip it look. When Brumm got control of himself, Olsen pressed the button on the speaker again.

“Don’t you worry about that. Can you tell me if you all right? Are you hurt in any way?”

I was trying my best to bank the instinct to shove Olsen aside and be the one to ask all these questions. But I knew my role here, and it wasn’t going to do Ryan any favors if I made this about me instead of focusing on why we’d been called: to get him the hell out of there.

“I’m fine, really. I was coming down from setting up the conference room for an early meeting and it got stuck and wouldn’t start again. I’m not hurt at all—I mean, other than my pride.”

I let out a silent sigh of relief.

“Good, that’s good. The main thing is that you’re okay.” Olsen crooked a finger at me. “Now, I’m gonna need you to sit tight for a minute while we get ourselves situated, but first I think there might be someone who wants to say hi.”

Olsen clapped me on the shoulder and then headed over to Brumm, and whether it was because he actually needed to talk to him or just wanted to give me a moment of privacy, I appreciated it.

I pressed the button on the speaker. “If you wanted to say good morning, GQ, you could’ve just picked up the phone.”

A muffled groan came through. “Of course you’re here. Just my luck that the call got routed to your station.”

“I’d say so. Now, you promise you’re okay? You’re not just saying that.”

“I’m fine, I promise.”

“Would you tell me if you weren’t?”

“Yes, of course. Plus, I didn’t know you were there when I spoke to Olsen, and I would’ve told him.”

That was true, and I really did believe that he’d tell me if he was injured.

“The elevator just stopped and wouldn’t start again. There was no falling or jerking.” He paused for a moment. “Do you think it will fall?”

“No,” I reassured him as Isaacs came over the radio confirming the power was shut off. “It looks like the power’s off and the cables are all intact. So you’re right—it just stalled before it reached the next floor.”

“So, uh, what does that mean? How do we get it to move again?”

“We don’t.” I spotted Olsen walking back over and gestured to the speaker, silently asking if he wanted to take over. When he shook his head, I asked Ryan to give me a second, then looked to my boss.

“You want to be the one to go in for him?” Olsen asked.

“Yes, sir.”

I knew if this was a life-or-death situation, or if Ryan was injured in any way, Olsen would keep me back. But since this was going to be a pretty straightforward rescue, there was no way anyone but me was getting Ryan out.

“Okay, let him know the plan and let’s get to it.”

I gave a clipped nod and then got back on the speaker. “GQ?”

“Yeah, I’m here.” He laughed then added, “Duh, where else would I be?”

“You’re doing great. I’m just going to give you a quick rundown of what’s about to happen, okay?”

“Okay.”

“In just a second, Brumm’s going to open the hoist-way door, right here above your elevator. All other elevators in this bank are shut off and locked down, so nothing is going to be moving anywhere near or around us as we climb down to the access panel at the top of your car.”

“Oh my God.” I could hear the worry creeping into his voice. “You’re climbing down into the shaft?”

“That’s right. We’re going to use a ladder to get down to the top of the car, and then I’ll lower another ladder inside. We’ll harness you up, get you to climb out, and then the elevator company will come out and fix whatever the problem is. Sound good?”

“Um…”

I knew this was scary to the average person, but it was a best-case scenario for an elevator call. I just needed to make sure Ryan didn’t get all up in his head.

“GQ?”

“Yeah?”

“You got this. I’ll see you in a few.”

“Jameson!”

“Yeah?”

“Be careful.”

“Will do. Hang tight.” I turned to see Brumm holding out a harness as Olsen slid the ladder into place, and once I was suited up, I headed to the open doors. I peered down into the dark shaft below and made sure everything looked secure before I began my descent.

I took the rungs at a good clip, making sure my footing was sure and steady as I headed down to the top of the car. Once I was in place, I located the emergency access and opened up the panel.

I peered inside and winked at Ryan. “Mornin’, GQ.”

A nervous smile curved his lips as I took a look inside, and once I was satisfied this was going to be as streamlined as we first believed, I held a finger up and then turned to look up at Olsen.

“Everything’s just as we thought. I’ll get the ladder in, get him harnessed, and we should be out pretty quick.”

“Copy that.”

I turned back to the opening and crouched down so I could see Ryan. “I’m about to lower a ladder in here, okay?”

“Oh, okay, I’ll move out of the way.”

“You’re fine exactly where you are,” I assured him, and then went to grab the ladder I’d just climbed down. As I guided it through the access panel, Olsen lowered a second one in its place, and I climbed inside the car.

As soon as my feet were on the ground, I turned and pulled Ryan into my arms. “Jesus, you trying to scare the hell out of me or what?”

“Me, scare you?” he said. “You just climbed down an elevator shaft.”

“I did, yeah, and you’re about to climb up one.”

“What?” Ryan’s eyes popped open wide. “I can’t climb out there. It’s, like, thirty floors up.”

“Thirty-two, actually, and you can, I promise. I’ll be right here to help you.”

Ryan looked at the ladder and then back to me. “There’s no way.”

“There is.” I held out the harness to him. “But first you need to put this on.”

Ryan stared at the blue webbing in my hand. “What do I need that for? I thought the elevator was stuck.”

“It is. This is just a safety precaution, one that’s always used in situations like this.”

“In case the elevator drops.”

I was about to lie, but at the last second thought better of it. There was no use in denying what he already knew, and what’d I said was true—it was just a safety precaution. “That’s right. It tethers you to the safety rope, which is anchored in the elevator lobby in case things go sideways.”

“But that’s not going to happen here, right?”

“It’s highly unlikely.”

Ryan chewed on his lower lip and looked up at the roof access, where Olsen now stood waiting for him, shining his light down on us.

“Do you trust me?” I said.

“With my life.” Ryan gestured to the harness. “How do I put that on?”

I got him all suited up and led him to the foot of the ladder, then said by his ear, “You’re being very brave, GQ. Now head up there to Olsen. I’ll be right behind you.”

Ryan nodded and climbed to the open roof. Once he was through it, and Olsen was busy guiding him up the second ladder to where Brumm waited, I exited the elevator car and closed the access panel.

I headed out of the shaft next, Olsen followed, and once we were all free and clear, I spotted Ryan climbing out of his harness. As I made my way over to him, he held out the webbing with a sheepish smile on his gorgeous face.

“Never imagined this would be how I’d experience getting tied up with you.”

I arched a brow as I took it from him. “But it is something you’ve imagined?”

“Maybe?” Twin spots appeared on his cheeks, making him look even more gorgeous than he already was.

I tugged on his hand and pulled him into my arms, then pressed a kiss to the top of his hair.

“Thank you for saving me. How many times is this?”

I was about to answer when I heard Brumm’s loud mouth chime in.

“Superman doesn’t keep count. He just shows up whenever Lois needs him.” He clapped me on the back and aimed a moronic grin Ryan’s way. “Isn’t that right, Lois?”

Ryan chuckled as I shook my head. “Don’t encourage him.”

As Brumm sauntered off down the hall, Olsen asked, “You okay, Ryan?”

“Yeah, just a little embarrassed.”

“No need. That’s what we’re here for. Plus, the day can only go up from here.” Olsen grinned at his bad joke, then looked to me. “Ready to get going? It’s quitting time.”

I nodded and gave Ryan a final hug before I let him go and said, “Try to keep out of trouble for the rest of the day, GQ. And if you want to see me, next time just ask me to lunch.”

He shook his head but laughed as he waved me off. “Very funny. I’ll see you at home tonight, Superman.”

I rolled my eyes but smiled as I turned and followed my lieutenant down the hall, more than ready for this shift to be over.

OceanofPDF.com

Chapter 22

OceanofPDF.com

Jameson

I WAS STILL smiling to myself as I unlocked the front door and headed inside after shift. Out of all the buildings, all the elevators, and all the people in Chicago, the universe still had me running into GQ at every conceivable opportunity.

Fate, that was what Ryan had called it when we first met, and I was starting to believe he just might be right.

I tossed my bag on the floor by the coatrack and shrugged out my leather, then headed to my room to grab some clean clothes. I wanted a shower, some food, and several uninterrupted hours of shuteye, then I could look forward to some serious TV and make-out time with Ryan when he got home.

The warm water felt amazing on my tired muscles, and if I weren’t so exhausted, I might’ve stood there a little longer. Instead, I washed up quickly, toweled off, and pulled on my sweats, then I went in search of food.

I pulled open the fridge and spotted a carton of eggs and some bacon and thought, what the hell. I’d earned a hearty breakfast after saving my boyfriend from being trapped in an elevator.

I chuckled, remembering the red cheeks and wide eyes that greeted me and the guys when we’d finally gotten him free. He’d never looked more lovable, and I’d never been prouder that he was mine.

That was new for me, this overwhelming pride I felt that someone like Ryan wanted to be with someone like me. That would’ve freaked me the hell out a couple of weeks ago, but now it just made me…happy.

Who would’ve thought that the guy in the fancy clothes and suspenders would’ve turned out to be the one person who really understood me? Ryan knew everything about me, the good, the bad, and the ugly, and he seemed to want me anyway.

I put the eggs and bacon on the counter and went to grab a frying pan, and I spotted a notepad on the kitchen island. That was nothing out of the ordinary, but when I saw Amy scrawled across the top, I came to a stop.

What the hell?

I reached for the pad, slid it over, and saw a cell number written underneath. I frowned.

This couldn’t be my Amy, right? She didn’t have our address, and I knew she didn’t know Ryan’s number, so maybe this was just a friend of his? Huh. That seemed a little coincidental.

I tapped the notepad on my hand, and before I made a fool of myself by calling up a friend of Ryan’s, I decided to just call him and ask.

“Good morning, ENN Worldwide Broadcasting. This is Ryan, how can I help you?”

Despite my current confusion, I couldn’t help my smile at the sound of his voice and the commotion of the newsroom around him.

“Well, you can start by taking the stairs for the rest of the day.”

Ryan chuckled in my ear, and I leaned back against the counter, imagining his smile.

“If I do that, I might end up having to call an ambulance. Do you know how many stairs there are between the lobby and my floor?”

I snorted. “Do you?”

“About a thousand too many.”

“Fair enough. Just pick a different elevator.”

“Is that why you called? I thought you’d be tucked into bed and dreaming about me by now.”

“I was on my way, but got sidetracked by your note in the kitchen here.”

“Note?” I could hear the confusion in Ryan’s voice. “I didn’t leave you a— Oh, you mean Amy’s number. I’m so sorry. I was going to call you this morning and tell you about it, but then I got stuck in an elevator and you showed up here and my morning’s been kind of insane.” He let out a sigh. “I forgot.”

“It’s okay.” I looked down at the notepad again. It still didn’t make sense. How had Ryan gotten her number? “Did Jon stop by? Did she come by the bar and give him this?”

“Uh… Well…”

I instantly grew wary. “GQ? What aren’t you telling me?”

There was a pause. “It wasn’t Jon who stopped by. Amy did.”

My spine stiffened. “Amy was here? When?”

“Last night. She stopped by around seven-ish.” The sounds of the newsroom fell silent, and I had a feeling Ryan had just moved somewhere private. “She didn’t stay long and seemed…fine. And I didn’t want to worry you at work, so I was just going to tell you this morning, and then—”

“Things got crazy.”

“Right. I’m sorry. I should’ve told you sooner.”

“Hey, you don’t need to apologize. I’m not upset with you.”

“I know, but I feel bad anyway.”

“Well, don’t.” I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. “There’s nothing to feel bad about. I’m just surprised, that’s all. If she was going to go to the effort to track me down, I figured she’d at least visit when I was home.”

“So you didn’t give her our address?”

“No. But she was staying with Jon, and he had it, so…”

“Right. Of course.” Ryan’s voice sounded distant, as though he were thinking over something, and I thought back to the last conversation I’d had with Amy and the defensive way she reacted to Ryan.

“GQ?”

“Hmm?”

“Why was she here? Did she want to talk to me?”

“Um…”

Okay, something was off. Ryan was usually so forthcoming, and I really didn’t like the way he was suddenly so apprehensive.

“Ryan? Did she come to see me?”

“No, she knew you were at work. I think she came to…see me.”

What the fuck? I gritted my teeth and began to pace the kitchen, the eggs and bacon now the last thing on my mind. I should’ve known Amy would pull something like this. She hadn’t exactly been subtle about her opinion on me moving out of the South Side. That should’ve been warning enough that she’d be paying me—Ryan—a visit. I’d like to think it was because she was curious or wanted to start over and make something of her life. But somehow, I seriously doubted it.

“What did she say? Was she rude to you? Did she hurt you?”

“No, no.” I could picture Ryan shaking his head. “Not really. How would she have hurt me?”

God only knew. I’d seen Amy try a lot of stupid shit when under the influence, so I had to ask. I could feel my annoyance rising by the second at the idea of her coming here to my—our—place when I wasn’t here on purpose so I couldn’t defend Ryan.

“Wait.” I stopped pacing. “You said ‘not really.’ As in, she was rude to you?”

“Jameson…”

“Ryan? Was she rude to you?”

“She…” He sighed. “I just think it’s going to take some time for her to, you know, warm up to me.”

“What did she say?”

“Nothing. It was nothing, really.”

I clenched my hand by my side, the fact that Ryan was still covering for her despite whatever she had said a testament to what an amazing person he was. But I’d been down this road too many times with Amy. The lies, the mind games—it was all part of how we grew up, and while I knew how to deal with her, the fact she’d pulled this shit on Ryan was not okay. She’d crossed the damn line.

“Look.” I tried to keep my voice calm. “I know it might not seem that bad, her showing up here to check you and this place out, but it is. It’s calculating and manipulative, especially since she knew I wasn’t here.”

“But I’m okay—”

“This time. What if she’s high next time?”

“I mean, pot’s not that bad.”

Fuck me, she’d been high too. This was just great. Just fucking great.

I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath, not willing to risk this, not willing to risk him with the kind of company I’d known her to keep when things spiraled out of control. “What did she say to you?”

He let out a frustrated sound but finally relented. “She just implied that you wouldn’t stick around because this place isn’t really you. That you don’t belong here…with me.”

I could hear the hurt in his voice, the doubts she’d put there, and I wanted nothing more than to take him in my arms and reassure him. But that would have to wait—first I needed to deal with Amy.

“GQ?”

“Yeah?”

“Wherever you are, that’s where I belong. I’ll see you tonight.”

“I’ll see you then.”

I ended the call and stared at my blank phone, knowing what I needed to do next. I grabbed the notepad and punched in Amy’s number, then shot off a text for her to meet me at Jon’s at noon.

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Chapter 23

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Jameson

A COUPLE HOURS later and I was still so damn mad I could barely see straight as I drove toward Jon’s.

It was one thing for Amy to corner me about this kind of shit and throw shade over it, but to go after Ryan? She better have a damn good reason for that.

Not that Ryan had said much, and the little he had, I had to drag out of him. But I could tell by the tone of his voice that he hadn’t been comfortable with the exchange they shared, and that made my blood boil.

I pulled around the back of the bar where I’d said I’d meet her and turned off the engine. Then I sat there for a minute and tried to collect myself. I needed to go into this with as clear a head as possible, but I wasn’t sure I was actually capable of that, not with how I was feeling.

Amy and I had always been close growing up. We not only leaned on each other as a source of survival, but back then we’d also liked each other. Now, after years of dealing with her drug addiction and lying, too many wounds had been opened, then healed, then reopened, and man…that scar tissue had healed over until it was close to impossible to feel anything anymore.

I pushed open the door of the truck and climbed out, then looped my black scarf around my neck as I pulled my beanie down over my ears. The air was bitterly cold today, and as I zipped my leather jacket up and shoved my hands in the pockets, I realized I probably should’ve worn something a little heavier.

My boots crunched over the snow that had fallen last night as I made my way to the back door of Jon’s. It pushed open and Amy stepped out.

“Hey,” I said.

“Hi.” She stopped opposite me and pulled her hood up over her head. “Got your text.”

“Figured, since you’re out here.”

“You said to meet you here.” She gestured over her shoulder. “Wouldn’t it be warmer inside?”

“It might be, but I’d prefer to keep this particular conversation between the two of us.”

“Ah.” Amy pursed her lips and nodded. “Gotcha. The boy toy ratted on me.”

“If you mean Ryan—my boyfriend—then he didn’t say shit.”

“No? Then how’d you get my number?”

“Not from you, that’s for damn sure. It’s interesting that you decided not to tell Jon so he could pass it along.” I took a step closer to her and lowered my voice. “No, you decided to go and pay Ryan a visit instead.”

Amy shrugged and shoved her hands into the pockets at the front of the hoodie. “So? Is there something wrong with that? I wanted to meet your ‘boyfriend’ and see where you lived. You ashamed of me or something?”

“Ashamed? You have some nerve, you know that?” I could feel my temperature rising despite the frigid air, and I tried to remind myself what Ryan had said. She was just “curious.” But fuck that. She could’ve been curious when I was home. She went there when he was alone for one reason only, to give her two cents on how wrong she thought he was for me, and I’d be damned if she messed up the one thing in my life I was finally doing right.

“How dare you show up at my place, when I’m not there, and start talking about shit you know nothing about?”

“Know nothing about? You’re my brother, Jay. We grew up together. Or did you decided to wipe that dirty memory away on your pretty new doormat before you moved into his place? In that case, I guess you’re right, I don’t know you.”

“I guess you don’t, if you think I’m going to let you make Ryan feel like a piece of shit because you’re jealous.”

There, I’d said it. The one thing I kept coming back to over and over when I tried to make sense of why Amy had done this. I’d gotten out. I’d finally gotten out of the hellish life we were born into, and that was hard for her to see.

“Jealous?”

“Yeah, jealous. You’re practically glowing green with it because I got out of here, and you haven’t.” God, I hated that I was being so ugly, but how much was a person supposed to take?

“Well, aren’t you all high and mighty.”

“Better that than just high,” I said. Amy’s eyes widened. “Yeah, he knew. He wasn’t going to tell me, but he knew.” I gritted my teeth and shoved a hand through my hair, the years of stress and worry that she had brought into my life finally reaching the tipping point. “When did you get so selfish, Amy? Where did you learn to be like that?”

“You taught me,” she immediately fired back. “Or have you forgotten? If you’re not selfish out there, you’re dead. That was you who said that, or am I wrong?”

“You’re not wrong. But you weren’t out there that night and you’re not out there now. You’re standing in front of me, your brother, and you still can’t act like my sister. How many times have I tried to get you help? Tried to get you away from a life where you have to look over your shoulder every minute of the day? You keep choosing this life.”

I shook my head, disappointed that after all these years I still couldn’t seem to get through to her.

“You keep choosing a life where tomorrow it might all be fucking over, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to wake up every night with you and Simon’s ghosts the only things keeping me company. I want more than that. I deserve more than that.”

“And you think he’s going to be the one to give it to you?”

“Yeah, I do. I love him, Amy.” I realized that was the first time I’d ever said those words out loud, and it felt good. “I never thought that was in the cards for me. Our childhood offered up a pretty bleak future, but not anymore. I’ve finally found some happiness in my life instead of just guilt and pain. And you know what? I’m going to enjoy it for as long as it’s mine.”

She stared at me as though I were a stranger, and maybe I was. I certainly didn’t feel like the scared, jaded kid that grew up on this side of town. I felt like a man who’d finally made peace with his lot in life.

“I don’t want to do this anymore,” I said as the snow began to fall around us. “I don’t want to worry about you, fail at every turn with you. I’m done, Amy. You crossed a line when you went to him like that.”

“I just wanted to make sure he—”

“What? Knew what a shitty deal he was getting with me? That he knew I grew up sleeping under the tracks and had drug dealers for parents? He knows, Amy. I told him everything about you, me, Simon, and you know what? He stuck around anyway.”

I rubbed a hand over my face. “You need help. More than I can give you. More than Jon should’ve given you. You need to check into rehab.”

“Rehab doesn’t—”

“Work?” I shrugged. “How would you know?”

I reached out, ran my finger down her healed cheek, and nodded, then I steeled myself for the most painful part of what I’d come here to say.

“Thanks for the cell number. I appreciate having a way to contact you. But until you straighten out, I’m gonna need you to stay away. Get help, Amy. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you. Get help, and come back to me.”

Amy’s expression fell, and while every part of me felt like the biggest piece of shit leaving her standing there, I reminded myself that this was for the best.

As I drove away from my past, I was more determined than ever to look forward only, to the future.

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Chapter 24

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Ryan

IT’D BEEN A long day, but I guess that was expected, since it started out with my getting trapped in an elevator. What was it Olsen had said? The day can only go up from here. Yeah, gotta love that elevator humor.

I still couldn’t believe I’d had to call the fire department, and of all the crews in the city it had been Jameson’s that was dispatched. It would’ve been totally and utterly humiliating if it hadn’t been so swoon-worthy to see him in action. But that had only been the beginning. The day had just gotten more chaotic after that, and I was ready to call it.

I unlocked the door with every intention of talking Jameson into ordering in food, but when I stepped inside the apartment, every thought other than wow left my head.

The place had been transformed into a lovers’ oasis. There were candles—big ones, small ones, itty-bitty tea lights—placed around the kitchen and living room, and strung up across the ceiling, where twinkle lights glittered and sparkled like stars in the sky.

What was going on?

The couches and coffee table were gone, and when my eyes finally adjusted to the soft glow of the room, I spotted Jameson standing by the hallway. In his jeans and black long-sleeve Henley and with his hair pushed back from the shower, he looked absolutely devastating.

“Welcome home, GQ.”

Oh God… I wasn’t sure what was happening here, but even the way he said my name just now sounded different. My heart began to beat a little faster.

“Hi,” I managed as Jameson pushed off the wall and walked toward me. I noted his feet were bare, and something about that warmed my heart—the fact he was comfortable here and that this was as much his home as it was mine.

“Hi.”

I blinked, trying to get my brain to catch up to what I was seeing and feeling, but I was so overwhelmed that I couldn’t seem to make sense of it. So I fell back on the usual small talk, trying to find my footing.

“Uh, so, did you catch up with—”

“Nope.” Jameson shook his head and placed a finger to my lips. “We’re not talking about that tonight.”

“We’re not?”

“No, we’re not.” He took my messenger bag and hung it on the coatrack. “Tonight is for us.”

Us? I liked the sound of that. No. I didn’t like it—I loved it. But that still didn’t tell me what he was up to.

Jameson held his hand out to me and drew me into the center of the room.

“What is all of this?” I asked.

I couldn’t stop looking at the transformation of the place as he pulled me into his arms and brought our joined hands to his chest.

“This is for you.”

“For me?”

He nodded as he curled his fingers around mine and began to sway me to the soft music playing in the background. “It’s all for you. The music, the lights, the candles, me…”

My stomach flipped at his words, especially that last one. Did he mean what I thought he meant?

“I know I’m not easy, GQ, and that I’ve made every step of getting to know me a struggle. But you never gave up on me.”

My eyes blurred as I stared into the most handsome face I’d ever seen.

“I love you,” he said. “I didn’t think that was possible for someone like me, that I would ever feel that I deserved it. But I needed to tell you before another day got away from us. I wanted you to know.”

A tear fell down my cheek, and I turned my head to press my lips against his palm. “I love you too.”

“You do?”

“So much my heart feels it might burst.”

Jameson kissed my temple and then tucked me in close to his body, so our hands were between our chests. For a second, I swore I could feel his beating heart, and I wanted to bask in this perfect moment forever.

“This is real, right?” I asked. “I’m not going to wake up in a minute and realize this hasn’t actually happened.”

Jameson tightened his fingers around mine and turned us in time to the music. “It’s real, and it happened. You’re mine now, GQ. And I don’t plan to ever let you go.”

I couldn’t stop my smile, his words even dreamier than the music playing, as I rested my head on his shoulder and let him lead me around the living room. It was beautiful, and magical, and when Jameson cradled my face between his hands and took my lips with his, I thought I might just float away.

He was gentle but possessive as he claimed me, and I willingly gave myself over. My heart, my soul, my everything was his. I wanted to be loved by this man, and I wanted to love him right back.

“Jameson, I…” My voice shook with emotion as I rested my forehead on his. “I’ve wanted to tell you for so long now, I just—”

“You just…?”

“I didn’t want to scare you.”

“There’s only one thing about you loving me that has ever scared me.”

I frowned, confused.

“That one day you’ll stop.”

I shook my head. “That’ll never happen.”

“I’m starting to understand that now. I mean, if you love me after everything I’ve already put you through, I’m golden.”

I wound my arms around his neck and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. He slid his hands down my hips to my ass, then before I knew what was happening, he hoisted me up in his arms.

I let out a joyful laugh and ran my hands through his hair. “I love you, Jameson Clarke.”

“Good, ’cause I’m not done with you yet.” He kissed his way down my neck and turned to walk us down the hall.

Tea light candles lined the hallway as he walked us to our room. His attention to detail made the night the most romantic I’d ever had. But he wasn’t done just yet, and when he pushed open the door to our room, what greeted us took my breath away.

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Chapter 25

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Jameson

I CARRIED RYAN down the hall to his room, and when we stepped inside and he saw that I’d given it the same treatment as I had the living room, his eyes widened and he slid down my body.

“Jameson, how did you— This is…” He took in the flickering candles and twinkle lights. “This is beautiful.”

I drew him further into the bedroom and wrapped an arm around his waist. “So are you.”

In the low lighting, Ryan’s skin appeared to almost glow. I took his chin in my hand and lowered my mouth to his. The kiss was slow and sweet as he looped his arms around my neck.

I flattened my hand to his back and pulled him even closer. I could feel his erection through his work pants as he rocked into me, the rhythm a sensual prelude to what we both wanted now more than ever: to connect in the most elemental way possible.

Ryan took a step back and pulled his tie free, then began to unbutton his shirt. I stood there for a minute enjoying the sight of him undressing for me.

Ryan flashed a smile meant to tempt me. “This will be a lot more fun if you take your clothes off too.”

“You think so, huh?”

Ryan unzipped and pushed his pants and briefs to the floor. Once he was free of all clothing, he stepped up to where I was peeling my shirt over my head, and placed a kiss to my chest. “I know so.”

A shiver of pleasure raced up my spine as Ryan hooked his thumbs into my jeans and shoved them to my feet. Once we were both completely naked, he kissed his way up my neck and whispered by my ear, “Put your hands on me.”

I smoothed my palms around to his tight ass and squeezed, then slowly began to walk him back to his—our—bed. When I thought back to how hard I’d fought against ending up here, I wanted to smack myself upside the head. All those nights, all those wasted hours I could’ve had him in my arms, but not anymore. I wouldn’t waste another minute without him, without letting him know how much I cared, how much I loved him.

“Move up on the bed, GQ. I want to look at you.”

Ryan bit down into his lip as he sat on the edge of the bed, then he scooted back until he was in the center and relaxed into the cushions. I moved to the end of the mattress and stared down at the stunning picture he made as he wrapped a hand around his thick shaft.

He trailed his eyes down over me, his hand slowly working his length, and I groaned. The man was goddamn gorgeous, and while I wanted to stand there and just marvel at the fact that he was mine, I didn’t have the patience. I put my hands on the mattress and kissed my way up his leg. When I reached the top of his thigh, I dragged my tongue up the V of his groin. Ryan thrust his hips up, his cock bumping my chin.

“Jameson…”

Yeah, he didn’t want to wait either. Not tonight. Tonight was all about connection of the body, heart, and soul, and right now it was the body’s turn.

I kissed my way up his torso, and as I settled between his legs, Ryan widened his thighs. I could feel his erection throbbing against mine as I brushed my lips over his, then I reached for the nightstand and got out the things we needed.

Ryan took the condom from me and tore the packet open. “Maybe one day soon we won’t need these anymore.”

My cock jerked, my pulse racing at the thought of being inside him bare, having his heat envelop me. “You’d want that?”

Ryan took the bottle from me, poured some lube into his palm, then reached down and slicked me up. “I want everything with you.”

I crushed my lips to his in a fierce kiss, his words bringing to mind words I’d never allowed myself to believe in before—tomorrow, always, forever. He’d given me that, the promise of a future.

“I promise to always take care of yours,” he said, placing a hand over my heart, “if you take care of mine.”

“Always,” I said as I rolled us across the bed and pulled Ryan on top of me. He pushed up on his knees and reached back to position me at his entrance. Then he dug his fingers into my chest and slowly began to stretch himself.

Ryan’s eyes fluttered shut as the lights twinkled all around him, and he gently moved up and down on the head of my dick until finally I slipped inside. I gritted my teeth at the exquisite pleasure of his body surrounding me. Then he leaned down and brushed his lips across mine.

“You and me, we were always meant to be like this. You just took a little while to believe it.”

That might’ve been true, but I believed it now. Ryan was the most beautiful sight I’d ever seen with thighs flexed, his cock hard, and his body tense. I wanted to commit him to memory as he moved over me with his eyes darkening with desire.

I slid my hands up his thighs and around to his ass, and Ryan let out a whimper.

I liked the sound of that—so much that I did it again, and this time Ryan’s ass clenched and he pushed up on his knees, allowing my dick to drag free. I cursed at the toe-curling pleasure that shot up my spine, and when he bore back down on me, I dug my fingers into his hips and thrust up.

I tunneled in as deep as I could, making him shout out my name, then he squeezed his eyes shut and took hold of his stiff dick. Ryan began to rock on top of me as he worked his length in time with each punch of my hips. His fingers were digging into my chest in a way that would no doubt leave a mark, and his cock was making a mess of my abs. He was the sexiest thing I’d ever seen in my life.

“GQ?”

Ryan’s eyes flicked open, and all the love and desire he was feeling was right there for me to see.

“Come down here.” I could feel my orgasm closing in, and before it hit, I wanted another taste of him.

Ryan shifted down over me until his lips were touching mine, and the second they connected, it was like fire met gasoline. I sank my tongue deep inside his mouth, and when every point of us was as connected as we could be, my entire body began to vibrate.

I took hold of his hips as Ryan placed his hands by my head, and as he began to move over me, I closed my eyes and reveled in the feelings washing over me.

Love, desire, happiness, and arousal. I’d experienced some of these before, but definitely not others, and to feel them all at the same time was like having an out-of-body experience.

I could feel myself losing control fast, and when Ryan tensed in my arms and tore his mouth free, I finally gave myself permission to let go, and the two of us came in an explosive rush.

It was exhilarating, and mind-blowing, to realize that this was the first time I had given my heart away. That this was the first time this act was more than just the physical. It probably should’ve scared me, maybe even have me running out the door. But when Ryan opened his eyes and brushed a soft kiss across my lips, all I wanted to do was wrap him in my arms and never let him go.

“That was…” Ryan sighed.

“Perfect.”

“Yes,” he agreed, as I slipped out of him and he gently moved to my side. He snuggled his face into the pillow, and I leaned over and kissed his shoulder.

“I’ll be right back. Don’t you go anywhere.”

“Couldn’t move, even if I wanted to.”

I chuckled and climbed out of bed, then headed to the bathroom to clean up and grab a washcloth. By the time I returned, Ryan’s eyes were closed and his breathing was calm and even.

I climbed back into bed, curled around him, then drew him into my arms, where I planned to keep him for the rest of the night. He wriggled in against me, getting nice and comfy, then let out a soft sigh of satisfaction.

“I love you,” he said into the quiet room, and I felt a smile cross my lips. I’d never been more content in my life, and finally I understood what it felt like to be loved.

“I love you too, GQ.”

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Chapter 26

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Ryan

“REMIND ME WHY I agreed to this again?”

I leaned over the console of Jameson’s truck and kissed his cheek. “Because you love me and Alexander feels absolutely horrible about what happened the first time we all went out.”

“So he wants a repeat?”

“Um…more like a do-over. But this time more low-key.”

Jameson glanced out the window to the magnificent view of the lake. “Low-key? Have you seen the size of the houses we’re driving by?”

“I have, but you have to understand that for Alexander, this is low-key. He used to live in a penthouse downtown, and trust me when I tell you, this is like the suburbs compared to that.”

Jameson’s eyes widened. “That must’ve been some childhood.”

I chuckled and stared out at the sun that had managed to peek through the clouds today and warm us for a few hours. It made the scenery even more spectacular as it sparkled off the melting snow that had fallen the night before.

I took hold of Jameson’s hand as he followed the directions of the GPS and wove us through the tall trees lining the lakeside properties. It’d been nearly a week since Jameson told me he loved me, and a lot had happened since then. He’d told me about Amy and his decision regarding her coming around, and while I knew it must’ve been one of the most difficult choices he’d ever made, I understood it.

It was hard to watch someone you loved continue to go down a path of self-destruction and ignore any and all hands reaching out to help them. So at some point you had to look after yourself and hope they could do the same. He seemed at peace with his decision, even though it’d hurt, and I was grateful he felt he could put his trust in me and talk it out when he needed to.

That was something else I was coming to love about us—this innate understanding we had of each other. He knew I was a talker, that if something was on my mind I wanted to get it out and solve it right then and there, whereas he was the exact opposite.

I used to think that was because he didn’t trust me, but that wasn’t the case at all. Jameson liked to think through everything before talking it out, and now that I understood that, I was able to give him that space and let him come to me when he was ready.

Like the idea I’d planted a little while ago about the grocery store and Future’s Hope. He’d given me the go-ahead to look into any kind of funding or expansion they might be interested in, and today I had some answers for him.

I couldn’t remember the last time I’d felt so grounded, so fulfilled in my life. I was on cloud nine and knew it had everything to do with the man sitting beside me.

“So remind me who’s gonna be at this lunch again?”

I smiled at him. Jameson may put on a brave face, but I knew the idea of being around strangers still made him a little wary.

“Alexander and Sean, obviously, and Gabe and Marcus are coming too.”

Jameson smirked. “This really is a do-over.”

I scrunched my nose up. “Should I apologize?”

“Apologize? Why would you need to do that? If anyone needs to apologize it’s me, and now it looks like I’m going to get the chance.”

I sat up ramrod straight, horrified that he might think that was why Alexander invited us out here. “That’s not what this is about. You know that, right? You don’t have any reason to feel bad about—”

“Storming out of a few-thousand-dollar-a-head dinner?” Jameson side-eyed me. “Come on, GQ. I might be from the South Side, but even I have manners, and that night I left them at the door.”

“No one is judging you for that.”

“Except me.” Jameson squeezed my hand. “That night I acted like a hothead who couldn’t control himself, and I embarrassed you in front of all of your friends and coworkers.”

I frowned, wondering how long he’d been feeling like this. “Jameson, I—”

“Deserve someone who can act like an adult, and today I’ll do that. I’ll apologize for being a complete jackass that night, and then I’ll eat off Alexander Thorne’s best china with a smile on my face.”

I snorted. “I don’t know that Alexander brings out his best china around Sean, but if he does, I expect to see that pearly-white grin of yours.”

Jameson brought our hands to his mouth and pressed a kiss to the back of mine. “You got it.”

We pulled into Crescent Court and drove to the end of the cul-de-sac. As Jameson pulled up to the iron gate, I took in the perfectly manicured lawns and towering trees concealing the property.

Jameson had a skeptical look on his face. “You sure there’s an actual home back there?”

“Yes. I’ve been here several times. Sean had a new gate put in when they purchased the place for safety reasons, so just hit that button and he’ll let you in.”

Jameson did as instructed. The gate yawned wide, and he waggled his brows. “Fancy.”

I grinned as he pulled forward and found a spot to park. We climbed out, and Jameson scanned the area, shaking his head.

“I can’t believe we’re only half an hour out of the city. It feels like a world away.”

I nodded and took his hand as I led him up the stone path toward the front door. “Pretty sure that’s why they bought it. Well, that and Alexander didn’t want to stay in his old place after the whole stalker incident.”

“Stalker incident?”

“Yeah, it was pretty bad.” I grimaced. “That’s what happens when you’re famous. Psychos become obsessed with you.”

Jameson drew me to a stop halfway up the path. “Were you ever in danger?”

The fact that his immediate concern was for my safety made my foolish heart soar. “No. I mean, I was there the night he almost got stabbed, but—”

“What?”

“It was an awards dinner. But Sean stepped in and…” I frowned and waved a hand in the air. “This is meant to be a happy occasion. A casual lunch with friends. No one is upset and no one is going to get stabbed. We don’t need to talk about this.”

Jameson’s eyes narrowed as we continued up the path. “What kind of award dinners do you guys go to?”

I pressed the doorbell and grinned. “Exciting ones.”

“I’m not sure I’d call being stabbed exciting.”

“Me either.”

We turned to see Sean standing at the front door wearing jeans, flannel, and a smirk.

“But it did get me the love of my life so…silver lining, maybe?”

I greeted Sean with a hug and a kiss to his cheek. “Definite silver lining.”

“Yeah, well, I wouldn’t recommend it as far as getting someone to confess their feelings and all, but in our case, it worked out pretty good.”

“Duly noted. But lucky for me”—I aimed the most obnoxiously happy smile Jameson’s way—“I already know how Jameson feels, and no knives were necessary.”

Sean chuckled and held out a hand to Jameson. “Sounds like you were a helluva lot smarter than we were then.”

“Nah, more like a selfish SOB when it comes to something I want. Once I realized it was a someone, I didn’t hold back.”

My cheeks flushed as Jameson gave me an unsubtle once-over, and Sean really started to laugh.

“Okay, I think we better get the two of you a cold drink before you combust on my front porch.” He stepped aside. “Try not to set our place on fire with the heat you’re aiming his way,” he told Jameson. “I know you’re a firefighter and all, but I kinda like it here.”

I grinned to myself and almost skipped the rest of the way inside as Jameson replied, “I’ll do my best, but I can’t make any promises.”

I’d been here enough times to know my way. I led us into the living room and spotted Gabe and Marcus laughing along with Alexander about something.

Alexander was the first to notice our arrival, and got to his feet to head our way. As put together as always, he wore slim-fit black pants, a pressed shirt, and what looked like a cashmere sweater. I wasn’t sure Alexander actually knew the meaning of casual, but I was impressed that he’d tried.

“Can I get you two that drink now?” Sean asked.

“I’ll take whatever beer you have on hand,” Jameson said.

“You got it. Ryan?”

I knew Alexander would have just about every drink imaginable on hand, so I decided to go with one of my favorites.

“Could I have a Cuban daiquiri?”

“If you tell me what’s in it.”

Alexander laughed and placed a hand on Sean’s arm. “I can make that one. Thank you for coming today, Jameson. It’s good to see you both again.”

“Thanks for inviting me. I appreciate it, and want to apolo—”

“Uh uh.” Alexander held his finger up. “There’s no apologizing here. Just a brand-new beginning, the way it should’ve been.”

He gave Jameson and I a hug, and then gestured to the living room. “Why don’t you go and take a seat with the others, and Sean and I will join you in a minute.”

“I got this, anchorman, if you want to—” Sean began.

“Visit the butler’s pantry with you? I’d love to.”

Sean’s eyes fell to Alexander’s mouth, and when he snatched up his husband’s hand, I snorted. “Sure you won’t need a firefighter in there?”

Sean had already begun to tow Alexander off toward the kitchen area. “No one else allowed. But go and get the unpleasant task of Jameson meeting Marcus out of the way, would you? Then we’ll resurface.”

I rolled my eyes but took Jameson’s hand, about to lead him into the living area.

“Hey, GQ? What exactly is a butler’s pantry?”

Despite knowing I was about to be face to face with the president of the company I worked for, my cock immediately responded to the deep, delicious voice by my ear.

“A place with no prying eyes and several flat surfaces.”

Jameson chuckled and kissed my temple. “In that case, you think they’ve got another one close by?”

“Don’t tempt me.” I laughed and bumped into his arm, then headed over to where Gabe and Marcus were cozied up on the couch.

OceanofPDF.com

Chapter 27

OceanofPDF.com

Jameson

OKAY, THIS MARCUS St. James really was kind of intense, but once I got past the introductions, the up-and-down once-over, and general assessment of my entire wellbeing, he seemed to give me the okay. Or maybe he just decided he would rather focus on Gabe, Ryan’s best friend, who had a knack for distracting his boyfriend whenever he seemed to get too serious.

They were an interesting couple for sure. Gabe was very personable, very outgoing, and I could see why he and Ryan had been not only roommates but great friends. They were as bubbly and talkative as each other, and they’d managed to keep the conversation going all through lunch.

Whether it was the latest movie they wanted to see, a song they’d heard, or book they needed everyone to know about, the two of them talked a mile a minute. It was like they were competing to see who knew more than the other, which shouldn’t have surprised me, since I’d just recently found out how competitive Ryan could be.

“Oh, I forgot to tell you,” Gabe said to Ryan as he reached for his cocktail glass. “I ended up having some spare tickets for the symphony this upcoming season if you want them.”

The symphony? As in the—

“Gabe plays the cello in the Chicago Symphony Orchestra,” Ryan said.

Damn, that was impressive, and something I never would’ve guessed. He was so fun and outgoing, and when I thought of the symphony, I thought of people more like serious St. James over there.

“It’s one of the reasons Marcus fell madly in love with me,” Gabe said.

See, now that made more sense to me.

“One of many,” Marcus said, eyes only for his man as Gabe leaned in to kiss him.

“You ever been to the symphony, Jameson?”

I turned to Sean where he sat at the head of the table, a smirk playing at his lips, and I had a feeling he knew good and well I’d never even said the word symphony in my life before this very moment.

“Uh, no. Can’t say that I have.”

Ryan grinned and rubbed my thigh under the table. “I’ve only been a couple of times myself, but it’s a nice night out.”

Sean snorted. “It’s another night that involves a tuxedo. What is it with you guys and dressing up in a monkey suit?”

“Well, for one thing, detective”—Alexander eyed his husband—“they make you impossible to resist. But beyond that, sometimes it’s nice to get dressed up for date night.”

“Uh huh, and sometimes it’s nice to wear jeans, drink beer, and not mind my Ps and Qs for date night.” Sean looked my way again. “What about you, Jameson? You like getting all dressed up to go on a date?”

I turned to Ryan, reached under the table, and slid his hand a little further up my leg. “As long as the right person’s there to help undress me at the end of the night.”

Ryan took a sip of his drink and turned back to Gabe. “Get me those tickets, ASAP.”

Everyone laughed, even St. James.

“If you tell me what night you’re going, maybe I can get you in my box seat.”

“Oh God.” Sean groaned. “He’s already going to the symphony—you’re gonna make him put up with you too.”

St. James arched a cool eyebrow Sean’s way, but if he was worried, he didn’t show it. He merely raised his beer as though this sparring was an everyday occurrence.

“I’ll get them to you as soon as I can,” Gabe finally said. “I can’t wait to see you there.”

Sean shook his head. “Better you than me, my friend. Better you than me.”

Alexander chuckled. “Ah, there’s my sophisticated guy.”

“Funny, but I don’t remember you feeling up my sophisticated side earlier in the butler’s pantry.”

“And on that note, did anyone leave any room for dessert?”

Ryan immediately jumped on that. “Ooh, what’s for dessert?”

“We have a chocolate Bavarian torte.”

Ryan seemed to approve, so I assumed it was a good choice. But since the only part of the name I’d ever heard of was chocolate, I kept quiet and finished off my beer.

“Jameson.” At the sound of my name, I looked across the table to Alexander getting to his feet. “Could I get your help for a minute? We’ll let the rest of these guys clear off the table.”

“Uh.” I looked to Ryan, who squeezed my leg, and then back to his boss. “Sure. Lead the way.”

I got to my feet and headed around the table then followed Alexander into an enormous kitchen. There was white marble and stainless-steel appliances wherever you looked, and right now, the place looked like a bomb had hit it.

“What can I say?” He laughed. “Sean is not the tidiest cook around, but he sure makes a great steak.”

“Yeah, he does,” I said as I came to a stop by the island. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

“Nope. You just relax, take a seat. I thought we could talk for a minute.”

I understood what was going on here. This was where Alexander was going to make sure my intentions for Ryan were on the up-and-up. The night of the charity event had put me on edge because I was still trying to figure out my feelings. But now that I knew exactly how I felt, I had no issues with being grilled by the country’s top journalist, who was currently trying to balance the enormous cake he was getting out of the fridge.

Alexander breathed a sigh of relief when he slid it onto the stand. “I’ve been dreading that all day.”

“I believe it. I was nervous for you.”

“I find that hard to believe. You, who runs into burning buildings and climbs down elevator shafts.”

I scoffed. “Ah, so you did find out about that.”

“Was I not supposed to?”

“Last I heard, GQ was going to try to keep it under wraps.”

Alexander smirked. “An elevator rescue? I’d be a pretty poor journalist if I couldn’t sniff that out.”

“I would agree.”

Alexander turned to the cabinets behind him, pulled out several small plates, and placed them on the island beside the cake. “Are you having a good time?”

“Yeah, I am. Thanks for the chance of a repeat.”

“No thanks needed. I feel bad enough about what happened that night—”

“You feel bad? Why?”

“I put you on the spot, asking you in front of Ryan. I thought it would be nice for him to bring a date, and I knew how much he liked you. I didn’t think about anything beyond that, and by poking my nose in your business, I inadvertently put you in a difficult position.”

“You didn’t know.”

“Still. It wasn’t my place, and I apologize.”

“I thought there were no apologies tonight?”

“You’re right, you’re right—which brings me to the other reason I wanted to talk to you. Ryan mentioned that you two had been discussing a possible new location for Future’s Hope. One that you might like to be involved in personally.”

This was the last thing I’d expected Alexander to want to talk about today, but I wouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth. Ryan had asked me that night we talked about this if I trusted him, and I did, one hundred percent. So if that had led him to Alexander, I was going to listen.

“That’s right. A friend of mine has an old building for sale over on the South Side. It’s in the right neighborhoods and has been in his family for years. He’s been reluctant to sell to anyone who’s going to just tear it down, but at the same time he doesn’t have the funds to do anything worthwhile to it.”

Alexander nodded. “And this would be worthwhile.”

“Definitely.” I stared into Alexander’s earnest eyes and decided if Ryan—and viewers—could put their trust in this man, then I could do the same. “Jon and his father, they were a lifeline for me and dozens of kids growing up on that side of town. Their grocery store and Future’s Hope were the only two things that got me through a pretty bleak childhood. I can’t think of a better place for a new location than there. If they’re looking, that is.”

Alexander slid off his seat and opened a drawer to pull out some forks. Then he reached for a knife from the knife block over by the stove and placed them down on the counter.

“They are looking. I spoke to their board, and with the money from the event that was held, I imagine they’d be thrilled to be able to give back to a family that has already got such strong roots in the community. Do you think that’s something you could talk to your friend about? Would he take a meeting with them?”

My jaw hit the floor. “I, um, yeah, I think so. I can talk it over with him and let you know.”

“That’d be great. Just call my office when you’re ready and speak with my PA.” Alexander winked at me. “I’m sure he’ll be more than happy to accommodate you.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. “Thank you, really. This is incredible.”

“Don’t thank me. Ryan was the one who did all the research. I just made a few calls.”

My mind reeled from the amazing news I’d just received. I couldn’t be more grateful for the beautiful man who’d stepped into my life, pulled me out of the dark, and was now shining his light fully down on me.

Where had Ryan come from? What had I ever done to deserve him?

“Jameson?” Alexander reached for my arm, and I bit down on my cheek, forcing myself to pull it together. I would not start crying in front of this man.

“Sorry, this…this means the world to me, and I’m just—I’m a little bit overwhelmed.”

“That’s okay. Would you like me to go and get Ryan?”

“I’m already here.”

I turned to see Ryan standing just inside the kitchen, his eyes locked on me.

Alexander slipped off his stool and walked past Ryan, squeezing his arm, then disappeared into the living room.

I held my hand out, and Ryan walked over and slipped his in mine. Then I tugged him between my legs and stared up into his gorgeous face.

“You knew, didn’t you?”

“Knew what?”

“That he was going to talk to me about Jon’s place, about Future’s Hope?”

Ryan wrapped his arms around my neck and shrugged. “I was hoping. I brought it up with him this week, that I’d found out they were looking for a new location and I had one in mind. But I wasn’t sure if he’d been able to call them yet or not.”

I wound my arms around his waist. “He did. He called them.”

“And?”

I swallowed, my sense of love and appreciation for this extraordinary man making it difficult to speak. What he’d done for me, for Simon, for Jon—I could never repay him for that.

“And Alexander said if Jon is interested, they want to meet with him.”

Ryan’s eyes lit up. “They do? That’s incredible, Jameson.”

“It is.” I nodded, trying to blink back the tears that kept forming. “And all because of you.”

“I just did some digging around.”

“And because of that, this just might happen. Thank you, GQ. I don’t know how I can ever repay you.”

Ryan ran a hand through my hair and leaned down to kiss me. “Just love me. That’s all the payment I need.”

“Done,” I whispered, and kissed him back.

“And if you want to give me your piece of chocolate Bavarian torte over there, I wouldn’t complain either.”

I laughed and got to my feet, pulling him into my arms, and wondered what in the world I’d done to deserve him and vowing to do everything in my power to keep him.

OceanofPDF.com

Chapter 28

OceanofPDF.com

Jameson

“JON!” I CALLED out as I pulled open the front door of his bar and stepped inside. It was just turning noon, and I’d texted him to let him know I was on my way. After my conversation with Alexander yesterday, I was itching to speak to my friend this morning. “Jon! You around?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m here.” Jon walked out of the back storage area carrying two cartons of energy drinks. “Don’t give yourself a coronary.”

I rushed over and took the top carton from him. “I’m gonna give myself a coronary? You ever heard of hiring someone to do the grunt work? Or, I don’t know, using a cart.”

Jon scoffed. “What am I? Made of money? Hiring muscle costs moolah I don’t have to spare. And fuck you on the cart—I’m not some old, doddering man, you know. Stop tryin’ to put me out to pasture.”

I laughed as Jon stepped in behind the bar and slid the carton on top of the counter. I began unpacking the drinks for him to put into the fridge.

“Okay, relax. I just don’t want you to hurt yourself. Last time I was here, you were up on a ladder.”

“And last time I checked, I wasn’t age eligible for an emergency call button. Stop being a mother hen and pass me those drinks, would you.” Jon crouched in front of the mini fridge and began to stock it. “Now, what are you here for, other than to bust my chops?”

“What, I need a reason now?”

“No, you know better than that. But I figured you’d be spending your weekends off with that new man of yours. Not in my grungy old place.”

“Maybe I’m meeting him here for a walk down memory lane? We did meet here, after all.”

“Walk down memory lane my ass.” Jon placed the last drink inside and got to his feet. “No one wants to remember Mitch, not even Mitch. That’s why I make a killing off him. Now cut the bullshit and spill it. What are you really doing here? If it’s about Amy—”

“It’s not. I made my peace with that. The rest is up to her.”

“Well, I was just gonna tell you, she checked into a rehab facility last night.”

I’ll be damned. I hadn’t come over here to ask about my sister, but I had to admit it was nice to hear that maybe my talk with her hadn’t fallen on deaf ears.

“You think she’ll stay?”

Jon shrugged. “I don’t know. But she said she at least had to try, for you.”

I’d take that, although I really wished she’d just try for herself. “Well, thanks for everything you did for her this last go-around.

“No problem. That’s what family does.”

“You’re right, and that’s why I’m here. I have some news for you.”

“For me?” Jon grabbed a rag to wipe down the back counter.

“Yep.” I hitched myself up onto the bar top. “The opportunity to make some moolah.”

Jon crossed his arms. “You’re not doing anything you shouldn’t be, right?”

I laughed. “Like?”

“I don’t know. You come here all I have an opportunity for you…” Jon shrugged. “Most opportunities that walk through that door involve a bookie or some heavyweight ready to knock your teeth out when it goes sideways.”

“And you think I’d bring you something like that?”

“No, I just—” He swiped his hand through the air. “Ah, forget it. Now I feel like a shit.”

I knew where he was coming from. Good things were few and far between around here, but I was about to blow his mind.

“You got nothing to feel bad about, Jon. And this opportunity I’m talking about is walking through the door courtesy of Future’s Hope and some pretty special people who want to help.”

“Future’s Hope?” Jon pushed off the counter. “Okay, you have my attention. That place does a lot of good around here.”

“Don’t have to tell me. They’re actually looking for a new building in the area.”

“That’s great. The more facilities they have, the more help they can provide.”

“Agreed. That’s why I’m here.”

Jon frowned. “What are you up to, Jameson?”

“Depends. You still got a building you want to sell?”

His eyes narrowed, and I couldn’t help my smile.

“You know, to someone other than those rich-ass developers who just want to come in and wipe away all the history of what that place stands for.”

Jon’s mouth fell open. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

“I don’t know, what do you think I’m saying?”

“Future’s Hope? They want to build on my lot?”

“They do.”

Jon blinked at me, and I could see the wheels turning behind his eyes. “You better not be fucking with me.”

“I wouldn’t do that. Not about this.”

“This…this is crazy, Jameson. How?”

“Ryan, actually.”

“Ryan?”

I nodded and reached into my pocket, pulling out the small metal pin that had somehow led me to this very moment.

“You saved this for me, didn’t you?”

Jon looked at the pin I’d just placed on the counter and nodded. “Yeah, I put it in that metal tin Simon used to keep. It was an old mint tin, I think? Anyway, your old lieutenant gave it to me at the funeral, but you weren’t really in the headspace, so…”

“So, you saved it—and me—again.”

Jon shook his head, but I reached for his arm.

“This was Simon’s lucky pin. Finding it now? Well, I think it was meant to be. It brought Ryan and I closer than ever, and got us talking about a way I could honor Simon. I told Ryan how much your place meant to me. How much it meant to all us kids in the neighborhood. So, he did some digging and found out that Future’s Hope wanted to expand. Then he talked to his boss, and, well, when Alexander Thorne talks, people listen.”

Jon rubbed a hand over his face, shock stamped all over his leathery features.

“It’s your turn now.” I picked the pin up and put it in his hand for luck. “I know this is a lot. If you want to think about it and take some time I totally understand, and there’s no pressure. If you decide you don’t want to sell, it’s all good. I just thought—”

“Jameson,” he said, “there’s nothing to think about here. I’ve been waiting for the right buyer to come along for that place ever since I put it on the market. I can’t think of a better one.”

“Neither can I.”

“And your guy, he made this happen?”

“Yeah, he did.”

“He’s pretty amazing. You know that, right?”

I thought back to the moment in Alexander’s kitchen when I found out what Ryan had done for us. “I do.”

“Good, ’cause if you didn’t, I might have to give you a smack upside the head.”

“Not needed, but there is something I have to thank you for.”

“Pretty sure I’m the one who should be thanking you right now.”

“No way.” I shook my head. “If it wasn’t for your nosy interference, I never would’ve met GQ. Best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“He is, isn’t he?”

I grinned, and even I could feel how goofy it was. What could I say? I was stupid in love with Ryan—no point in trying to hide it now.

“Damn right. But we’re not here to gossip about my love life, as much as I know you want to. Alexander wants me to find out when you’d be available to meet with the foundation and give them a tour of the place.”

“Holy shit.” Jon chuckled. “I think I might need a drink for this. Is it too early?”

“It’s always five o’clock on the South Side.”

Jon grabbed a bottle of Jameson and slid it across the counter. “Seems appropriate, since we’re drinking to the news you just brought me and the fact that you just admitted you have a love life. Who knew it would be the kid in the suspenders who tore down the wall?”

Me. I’d pretty much known from the beginning. That was why I’d kept Ryan at arm’s length. I hadn’t wanted to risk my heart again, not after all the disappointments I’d already put it through.

Thank God for Ryan’s persistence, because now I couldn’t imagine a day going by without getting to talk to him and share what had happened in the hours I wasn’t with him.

“What can I say? Life is good.”

Jon slid a tumbler over to me and unscrewed the lid on the whiskey. “Because of him?”

“Yeah, because of him. I don’t know, Jon. I never thought this love thing would happen for me. I didn’t see that in my future. Not growing up here.”

“And now?”

“Now I see all kinds of possibilities.”

Jon raised his glass. “Well, then, to possibilities.”

I clinked my glass to his, downed the contents, then pulled him into a hug. “To all the possibilities.”

OceanofPDF.com

Chapter 29

OceanofPDF.com

Ryan

IT WAS A cold afternoon as I turned down the street that would take me to the old grocery store. Jameson had texted me a little while ago saying he was leaving Jon’s and heading that way, and before he could even ask me to meet him there, I was in my car and ready to go.

As I got closer to the corner where the empty building sat, I spotted Jameson standing outside the chain-link fence. He looked hot as hell with a black beanie pulled down over his ears and scarf wound around his neck. He had his hands stuffed in the pockets of his leather jacket, his jeans and boots just adding to the overall bad-boy vibe—and that bad boy was mine.

I pulled into the drive as he sauntered over to my window. “Hey there, GQ. Damn is it good to see you.”

“I was just thinking the same thing.” I leaned up and kissed those sweet-talking lips. “You gonna pick the lock for me? Let me in.”

“Already done.” Jameson winked and straightened. “Meet you in there.”

I grinned as he walked off, cocky as ever. My heart thumped at the idea that he was mine.

I parked around the back of the building where Jameson directed me, and got out of the car. Jameson was right there backing me up against it.

I widened my stance so he could get in nice and close, then he took the lapels of my peacoat and tugged me to him.

“Before we go any further, I need another kiss.”

“I think I can give you that.”

Jameson slid his tongue along my lower lip, making me groan, and then wrapped me in his embrace. I took his face between my hands and shut my eyes as his tongue tangled with mine. There was a hint of whiskey as the kiss warmed me from the inside out, and by the time he stopped, I could barely remember where I was.

“Thanks for meeting me,” he said as he took a step back.

“Of course.” I looked up at the building I once worried we’d be chased out of, seeing it in a whole new light. “I wouldn’t have missed it.”

“I’m glad.” Jameson smiled. “But why don’t we head inside? That cold front is blowing in.”

I nodded and followed as he took me through the same door he had the last time we were both here. This time, however, I wasn’t worried that the floor would give out on me.

“So you talked to Jon?” I asked as we made our way to the front room.

“I did, yeah.”

“And? What did he say? You’re killing me here.”

Jameson chuckled. “Come closer and I’ll tell you.”

I arched a brow. “You’re very demanding of my kisses today.”

“Come closer, GQ.” I leaned over the counter, and Jameson said against my lips, “He thinks you’re amazing, and so is this idea.”

My face hurt with how hard I smiled. “Really? He’s going to call Alexander?”

“He’s going to call him and set up a meeting with the foundation’s board and bring them out here as soon as possible.”

“Oh my God!” I threw my arms around his neck, and Jameson picked me right up off the ground in a huge hug. “This is fantastic news! Are you happy?” I pulled back and looked into Jameson’s laughing eyes.

“I’m happy.”

“Ah! I’m so excited. This is going to be great.”

Jameson nodded and put me back on my feet. “I know. It’s really starting to sink in that this is going to happen. I was overwhelmed by the idea yesterday, but damn, talking with Jon and seeing how excited and relieved he is that this place will continue to mean something… It means the world to me. To all of us, GQ. Thank you for helping make it a reality.”

“You’re welcome.” I placed a hand on his chest and felt the strong, steady beat of his heart.

I’d wanted so badly to take a part in giving back. I wanted to help the man and organization that had saved Jameson several times over. It was more than just a donation to help a stranger now—it was personal. This was for Jon, Simon, and the man I loved.

“Can I ask you something?” I said.

“Anything.”

“Last time we were here, I was so worried the owner or a guard dog might chase me out that I didn’t really look around. I guess I just wanted to see the potential of what’s to come.”

“You want a tour.”

“I do.”

“You got it.” Jameson took my hand and led me around the main floor, which was surprisingly large. “At the other shelters I stayed at, the main floor was usually the lobby and living areas, plus the kitchen. I’m guessing they’d do the same here.”

That would be perfect with all the huge windows that let the sunlight in. “The bedrooms would be on the upper floors?”

“Yeah, um, this place had apartments, so they’ll be easy enough to convert, and they’ll probably put in a game area and quiet space with books and stuff.”

I nodded as he led me up the stairs, pointing out the way they’d likely set up dorm-like rooms and locker facilities, then we continued up to the rooftop. Fat snowflakes had started to fall while we were inside, and you could see the clouds rolling in behind the cityscape off in the distance.

“Is it too cold out here?” Jameson asked, winding my scarf around my neck and then buttoning it in behind my jacket.

“No, I love it out here.” I followed him across the roof to the old chairs we’d sat in the first time we came here. “Plus, it’s kind of our thing now.”

“Freezing to death up on a rooftop is our thing?”

“No. You kissing me up here in the snow is.”

“I see.” Jameson took my face between his hands, lowered his mouth to mine, and brushed a gentle kiss across my lips. “How’s that?”

I grinned. “A pretty good start.”

He turned me around so I was facing the city again, then wrapped me in his arms.

I looked back at him. “Do you think they’ll do anything up here?”

“Like?”

“I don’t know. You and Simon had a pretty good setup.”

Jameson glanced at the old lawn chairs then looked back at me with a crooked smile. “Yeah, two rusty old chairs from the dollar store and an old crate for some beers. You’re right, we did have a pretty good setup.”

“Exactly. It’s a place to escape to. You could put an outdoor rug, some chairs, one of those firepits—”

“Oh yeah, tell the firefighter your idea about putting a gas tank around unruly teens.”

“You know what I mean. I was just thinking that that way this could be like an oasis. One that could be used in summer and winter.” I grew serious. “And you never know, maybe it’ll inspire the same sort of reaction you had in someone else. They might see their future up here, a path to freedom.”

Jameson nodded but fell silent, and I wondered if maybe I’d pushed too hard in all my excitement, but then I felt his lips against my hair as he whispered, “You remember that?”

“I remember everything you told me that day.”

“Well, I don’t need to look out there anymore. Not for my freedom, because I found that here with you.” Jameson turned me in his arms until we were face to face as the snow fell down around us.

My stomach flipped as Jameson trailed the back of his fingers down my cheek.

“Thank you for making this wish of mine a reality. For helping me be able to honor my brother Simon and help my friend Jon. I love you, GQ, more than you’ll ever know.”

“I love you too,” I whispered, my heart so full of love for Jameson that I thought it might just burst, as we stood there on the rooftop with the snow falling down around us, and the possibilities before us as endless as the sky.

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Epilogue

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Four Months Later

Ryan

“NO, HIS SCHEDULE is fully booked this morning. Tomorrow too. I told you the date he was next available, and that is Friday afternoon, two weeks from now.”

I gritted my teeth and prayed for patience as the man at the other end gave me yet another earful as to why I should be able to rearrange Alexander’s entire work schedule so I could fit in an hour-long meeting with him. Had it been important, I might’ve taken the time to go through ten days of eight-hour-day scheduling. However, having a sit-down meeting with Alexander to discuss the importance of bringing National Frog Jumping Day to the forefront—to bring awareness to the different species of frogs—didn’t seem to warrant much time and effort.

So Mr. Collingsworth was just going to have to wait his turn.

“No, Mr. Thorne is not available right now.” I was quickly coming to my wits’ end, hoping for some kind of breaking-news event so I would have an excuse to get off the phone. But no such luck; I sat there for the next ten minutes repeating myself in several different ways. Finally, after several more minutes of blustering, Mr. Collingsworth did us both a favor and ended the call—and my suffering.

I sighed, leaned back in my seat, and counted back from twenty. It was my own fault, really. I’d jinxed myself when I told Jameson today was going to be a great day. The sun was shining, he was meeting me for lunch in the park—everything had been good when I walked out the door this morning. But now I was annoyed and frustrated and wished I could start all over again.

“Ryan!”

My eyes popped open at the sound of my boss’s voice, and when I looked at the time, I cursed. I was supposed to leave in the next ten minutes if I was going to meet Jameson, so hopefully whatever Alexander needed would be something quick and I could shake off this mood.

I got to my feet, but before I could even step through the door, my name was called again.

“Ryan!”

Okay, that tone did not bode well for me, Jameson, or lunch.

I plastered on the best smile I could muster and stepped inside Alexander’s office.

“Oh good, there you are,” Alexander said. “If you have any lunch plans today, you’re going to have to cancel.” Ugh, of course I was. “Last-minute story came up. I’ve called a meeting through lunch. I’ve already sent out the email to everyone, but it’s going to be a long afternoon.”

Had this been any other time on any other day, I wouldn’t have cared all that much, but after dealing with Collingsworth and not seeing Jameson for the last twenty-four hours, I’d been looking forward to this lunch, and now I had to cancel.

I’d definitely jinxed myself.

“Ryan?”

“Huh?” When Alexander merely stared at me, I banked my disappointment the best I could. “Sorry, I missed that. What did you say?”

“I said I need you to head out and pick us up some food to get us through the next few hours.”

“Of course. Did you have anywhere in mind?”

“How about that new sandwich shop that just opened across from the front of the building? Looks good, right?”

It did, actually, and I hadn’t had a chance to try it out yet. If it was good, that would be a great option for last-minute day-destroyer meetings. “Sure, I’ll go there.”

“Great. If you head out now, we should be ready by the time you get back.”

“Okay. I’ll see you soon.” I turned and headed for the door, but Alexander called my name. “Yes, boss?”

“Are you okay?”

Damn it. I guess my fake smile wasn’t all that good. “Yes, sorry. I was dealing with a difficult gentleman just before you called me in here.”

“Well, maybe some time out of the office will put you in a better mood for the rest of the day. Make you forget about the phone call.”

Yeah, and my date. But nothing I could do about that now. I’d just have to text Jameson and apologize for cancelling so last minute and promise to make it up to him tonight.

I shut down my computer, grabbed my phone, and sent a text as I headed to the elevator. Maybe I just needed to do what Alexander had suggested and take a timeout. At least it wasn’t raining today. It was a beautiful spring day, the sun was shining, the flowers were blooming, and I just needed to let it go.

I checked my phone to see if Jameson had messaged me back, but there was nothing. Just my apology followed by several kissy-face emojis. He was probably on his way, which made me feel even worse, but there was nothing I could do about that now.

The elevator reached the lobby, and just as I was about to head outside, my phone began to ring. It was Alexander.

“Hello? Boss? Did I forget something?”

“No, I was just checking if you’d left yet. I forgot to ask you to grab me something.”

I mean, he could’ve just texted me like he always did. “No, I’m still here in the lobby. About to head out now.”

“Good, that’s perfect.”

“Yeah.” I frowned, Alexander was clearly distracted by whatever this new story was. “What did you forget to ask me for?”

“Oh, right, um… Can you be sure to get me the biggest bottle of water you can find?”

That was it? “I can do that.”

“Good, that’s good. Okay, I’m going to let you go now.” The call ended as abruptly as it had begun, and as I stared at my cell in confusion, I thought I caught the faint sound of sirens in the distance.

I pocketed my cell and headed for the doors of the ENN building. As I stepped out into the bustling street, the sound of sirens got even louder. I looked around, trying to see if there’d been an accident or if someone was hurt, but I couldn’t tell if it was the police, an ambulance, or—a fire truck.

There, barreling up the busy street with its sirens wailing and horns blaring, was a red rig with the number 91 on the side. Firefighters decked out in their gear clung to the side of it, streamers flowed from the ladders on top, and people stopped to stare at the spectacle.

The rig came to a stop in front of me, and when Lieutenant Olsen called out the window, “We heard you needed a firefighter, Lois!” my heart just about stopped. But before my brain could catch up, Jameson jumped down from the back of the truck in a full tuxedo.

What in the world was going on?

Jameson

THIS WAS IT. The moment I’d been planning for months. Every little—and big—detail had been carefully thought out and executed to get Ryan and myself to this very place in time.

I could feel my heart beating a mile a minute as Olsen called out the window to Ryan. The time had finally come to tell this man, in front of my friends and our families, just how much I loved him.

I jumped down from the back of the rig, and Ryan turned in my direction. When he spotted me walking toward him in full evening wear, his expression was worth every single minute that had gone into planning this.

His wide eyes roved over me from head to toe and then flew back to the truck as the cab door opened—and Ryan’s family and Jon climbed out.

“What the…” Ryan blinked and sputtered as he tried to make sense of what he was seeing. “Jameson? What’s going on?”

My pulse was racing as I stopped in front of him, well aware that the crowd now included Sean and Alexander, Marcus, Gabe, and even his friend Jude—yeah, I’d spent months planning this—but when I looked into Ryan’s beautiful hazel eyes, everyone else faded from view.

“What do you mean, GQ? We had a lunch date, didn’t we?”

“A lunch— What?” He laughed a little, his nerves getting the best of him.

I took a step closer and reached for his hands. “We had a date, you and me, but I decided I didn’t want just lunch.” I swallowed and reminded myself that without risk there was no reward. “I want forever.”

“For…forever?” Ryan whispered, tears in those stunning eyes of his.

“Forever. I told you once that I wasn’t very good at this kind of thing—loving someone and letting them love me back. But that’s because I hadn’t met you. Loving you has been the easiest and scariest thing I’ve ever done in my life. There was no stopping it. Everywhere I looked you were there, and every minute you weren’t, I wanted you to be.”

As I went down to one knee on the sidewalk, Ryan let out a shaky breath, his hand trembling in mine.

“I love you, Ryan Carrigan. With you I’m the man I always wanted to be, a better man, a man with a bright and happy future—one you made me realize I deserve. But guess what? That future only works if I get to spend it with you. So, what do you say, GQ? Want to make some plans with me, starting with our wedding?”

Tears streaked Ryan’s face as he stared down at me, and it wasn’t until he cradled my cheek and brushed a thumb over it that I realized my own eyes had blurred over.

“Yes.” Ryan nodded, smiling brilliantly as he squeezed my hands. “A thousand times over, yes. I want to make all the plans and then put them in a schedule on the fridge so we don’t miss any.”

I laughed—my little control freak, always surfacing in some way.

“But more importantly, I want to experience them all with you.” He tugged on my hands, and when I got to my feet, he looped his arms around my neck and whispered, “I love you, Jameson Clarke, and I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.”

I could hear hoots and hollering behind us as I picked him up to kiss him right there on the busy streets of Chicago, where I finally let go of my past and fully embraced my future.

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Thank you

Thank you for reading WICKED FLAME.

I hope you enjoyed Ryan & Jameson’s love story.

Superman & his Lois (LOL) totally won my heart, and I can’t wait to see how they are when I return to the Chicagoverse in the future.

~

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Also by Ella Frank

The Exquisite Series

Exquisite

Entice

Edible

The Temptation Series

Try

Take

Trust

Tease

Tate

True

Confessions Series

Confessions: Robbie

Confessions: Julien

Confessions: Priest

Confessions: The Princess, The Prick & The Priest

Confessions: Henri

Confessions: Bailey

Prime Time Series

Inside Affair

Breaking News

Headlines

Intentions Duet

Bad Intentions

Good Intentions

Chicago Heat Series

Wicked Heat

Wicked Flame

Sunset Cove Series

Finley

Devil’s Kiss

Masters Among Monsters Series

Alasdair

Isadora

Thanos

Standalones

Blind Obsession

Veiled Innocence

Pure Seduction

PresLocke Series

Co-Authored with Brooke Blaine

Aced

Locked

Wedlocked

Fallen Angel Series

Co-Authored with Brooke Blaine

Halo

Viper

Angel

An Affair In Paris

Lust. Hate. Love

Elite Series

Co-Authored with Brooke Blaine

Danger Zone

Need For Speed

Classified

Dare To Try Series

Co-Authored with Brooke Blaine

Dare You

Dare Me

Truth Or Dare

Co-Authored with Brooke Blaine

Sex Addict

Shiver

Secrets & Lies

Wrapped Up in You

All I Want for Christmas…Is My Sister’s Boyfriend

Jingle Bell Rock

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About Ella Frank

If you’d like to get to know Ella better, you can find her getting up to all kinds of shenanigans at:

The Naughty Umbrella

(Facebook Group)

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Or any of the other social media links below!

And if you would like to talk with other readers who love Ella’s character’s from her Chicagoverse, you can find them HERE at

Ella Frank’s Temptation Series Facebook Group.

Ella Frank is the USA Today Bestselling author of the Temptation series, including Try, Take, and Trust and is the co-author of the fan-favorite contemporary romance, Sex Addict. Her Exquisite series has been praised as “scorching hot!” and “enticingly sexy!”

Some of her favorite authors include Nora Roberts, Tiffany Reisz, Riley Hart, J.R. Ward, Erika Wilde, and Carly Philips. 

Want to stay up to date with all things Ella?

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